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princekelso

Member Since 23 May 2014
Offline Last Active Jun 02 2014 09:20 AM
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Topics I've Started

[Possible Trigger] Not entirely sure if this is DP/DR. Help? [trigger warning]

02 June 2014 - 09:02 AM

I've been reading about symptoms regarding this disorder and while I can relate to a few of the symptoms, I'm not entirely convinced that I have this. Can anyone explain why I feel this way?

 

Sometimes, usually when I'm with a friend (especially after smoking cannabis), I'll look at my friend and see them a completely different way. For example, my friend ceases to be "Colby" and just another human, an animal. I look at his face and it seems so unfamiliar, like just a bunch of flesh and hair and organs. And I think about how I'm one of these "things" too, just as lost and scared as "it" is in this rock in space. It feels like my consciousness ascends and I'm seeing the world for what it really is without the lenses of my ego and conditioning. It's a lot like ego death, but I never feel connected to anything. It's always accompanied by a feeling of dread and fear. It's absolutely terrifying and when I snap out of it, my heart starts beating rapidly and I almost have an anxiety attack.

 

 

 

Can somebody confirm that this symptom is DP/DR or should I continue seeking answers about what it is?


Is this considered depersonalization? I feel "too aware" of my own existence

23 May 2014 - 08:18 AM

So this has happened to me a few times in the past, but I always tried to suppress it because of how terrifying it is. I've used a whole galaxy of different hallucinogens, from Ketamine to LSD. I haven't used any of these in quite a while though, and even quit smoking weed. However, a few days ago I smoked for the first time in forever and experienced something that I can't explain.

 

 

I was just sitting on the roof with my friend and I felt like my ego was fighting to stay alive. My friend would start talking very fast and I would have to keep my grip on reality. Then, it happened. I looked at my friend and slowly started to see him less as "Colby" and more as another human, another animal just as hopelessly confused and scared as I was on this rock in space. I suddenly felt trapped in my brain, in my own body. It's like the Matrix, seeing the world for the first time for what it really is. This was accompanied by the feeling of Deja Vu. It was like I was seeing the world without my "ego lenses". I saw my friend as no more than another mammal, and felt like my consciousness was just floating around inside this fleshy vessel. I didn't know who I was and the truth of what I thought the world really is was blown away.

 

Has anyone experienced this? If so, is there a name?