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princekelso

Member Since 23 May 2014
Offline Last Active Jun 02 2014 09:20 AM
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#334083 Is this considered depersonalization? I feel "too aware" of my own ex...

Posted by princekelso on 23 May 2014 - 12:12 PM

Textbook depersonalization/derealization. 

 

My view of things becomes stripped down to nothing but "animals, objects, plants". I experience ego death, my brain loses the concept of "I", everything becomes dreamlike and I feel like I'm tipping over the edge of reality. I become a machine, I talk to other machines. I become hyper-aware of everything, yet nothing is truly real. It's scary. It's fucked up. There's no sadness, there's no anxious feelings. There's just me, a semi-conscious being in some flesh and I can't even figure out whether I'm controlling it.

 

You should stay on this site and browse the forums, best of luck to you.

 

 

This is word for word what I experience. I wasn't sure if it was depersonalization because I don't feel very dissociated, it's more like hyperawareness of what everything really is. It's absolutely fucking terrifying. I can't believe there's a whole community for this phenomenon. Thank you everyone.




#334045 Is this considered depersonalization? I feel "too aware" of my own ex...

Posted by princekelso on 23 May 2014 - 08:18 AM

So this has happened to me a few times in the past, but I always tried to suppress it because of how terrifying it is. I've used a whole galaxy of different hallucinogens, from Ketamine to LSD. I haven't used any of these in quite a while though, and even quit smoking weed. However, a few days ago I smoked for the first time in forever and experienced something that I can't explain.

 

 

I was just sitting on the roof with my friend and I felt like my ego was fighting to stay alive. My friend would start talking very fast and I would have to keep my grip on reality. Then, it happened. I looked at my friend and slowly started to see him less as "Colby" and more as another human, another animal just as hopelessly confused and scared as I was on this rock in space. I suddenly felt trapped in my brain, in my own body. It's like the Matrix, seeing the world for the first time for what it really is. This was accompanied by the feeling of Deja Vu. It was like I was seeing the world without my "ego lenses". I saw my friend as no more than another mammal, and felt like my consciousness was just floating around inside this fleshy vessel. I didn't know who I was and the truth of what I thought the world really is was blown away.

 

Has anyone experienced this? If so, is there a name?