I'm starting to think that I have something worse than DP/DR.
DP and DR are psychiatric SYMPTOMS, whereas for me it feels like a STATE, an altered state of consciousness.
My state: I'm in a walking coma. Emotions and feelings shut off. Unresponsive to the outside world. Unable to feel or experience or emotionally connect. I'm not "here" at all times. I'm completely disconnected from the present moment.
It's like a sleepwalking state, dream state, trance state, blank state, zoned out state, daydreaming state, or a zombie state.
It feels like as if I'm in a dream or dead, so it feels like a medical emergency.
I can't remember the first half of my life.
To other people, I look preoccupied, introverted, flat, numb, blank, emotionless, zoned out, or look like I'm daydreaming.
Since there is absolutely no emotions in my eyes, people get uncomfortable whenever I make direct eye contact. Therefore, I have to look at the mouth whenever I talk to someone.
Everything I do is based off of learned behavior, responses, etc. I have no idea what's going on out in the real world.
It's like everyone else is going forward in time, but I'm stuck in time. I'm not mentally aging anymore.
It's hard to keep my eyes open most of the day, because my brain is literally shut down. It's like i'm unconscious but able to move and speak.
I feel like if I "wake up" from this state, I'm not going to be able to remember anything that had happened during the time I was in this state, like waking up from a coma.
silverhawkMember Since 16 May 2014
Offline Last Active May 14 2017 07:48 PM
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