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Member Since 17 Feb 2014
Offline Last Active Sep 21 2019 10:44 AM

#380356 I Have Recovered.

Posted by Riah on 13 October 2016 - 08:27 PM

Did ur dp affect the way u thought and talked? I use to think when I talked but since dp I cant


DP affected the the way I thought and talked dramatically. That's exactly what the illness does to you. These are all the symptoms I experienced while having DPDR.

My thought process was broken, cold, damaged, and almost non functional. I talked much differently, mostly because I was afraid of my voice most of the time and the things I said did not sound like me.

#380280 I Have Recovered.

Posted by Riah on 12 October 2016 - 06:07 PM

Some people who have been on this site for a while might remember me. I was active on this site in 2014 and had been struggling with DPDR for almost two years.


It's been months and months now since I've had any symptoms of DPDR.


Recovery is possible. But I didn't just wake up one morning cured. It was a slow and painful process.


How did I do it? Patience, distraction, keeping calm and assuring myself that it would all be over one day.


My symptoms started phasing out; first the physical and bodily symptoms became scarce, then the feelings of derealization became a rare occurrence, and finally one day I had noticed I had been functioning normal as a human being without leaving my mind or body once for a whole week.


I had relapses every now and again; bad weeks even though I had had a good month. There are even places that I revisit still where I've had DPDR "attacks"  and that can trigger horrible memories and vivid flashbacks, but even now I am conquering those places and moving on with my life.


I cannot give you the holy grail to curing DPDR. The best way I can describe my own experience is that my cure was patience. In time as my life carried on, my brain began to heal itself and I became more and more accustom to controlling this disorder.


I wanted to come back to this site to help fellow sufferers and give advice to those souls out there who are going through a terrible mental disease that yet so little is known about.


My time with DPDR was THE MOST terrifying time of my life. But it is now over.


Feel free to PM me or leave a response and I will try to answer questions and help those who want help.



#343609 Risk taking and DP

Posted by Riah on 01 October 2014 - 02:19 PM

DP gave me WEIRD confidence. I suddenly felt like it was okay to take my clothes off in public, or shout obscene things. Because nothing felt fucking real at all.

#342386 Materialism to the max!

Posted by Riah on 05 September 2014 - 06:08 PM

Materialism helps me too. Buying flashy dresses, and gourmet food has brought me relief the past month.


It's a weird coping thing, but effective.

#341953 Drugs & Enlightenment

Posted by Riah on 29 August 2014 - 07:42 AM

It freaks us out because depersonalization is the opposite of enlightenment.


People take drugs to feel the way we feel, and if it's a good experience (eg. positive 'ego-death'), then they'll call it enlightenment.


DP/DR is essentially ego-death, and it's hell for those who have it. Why? Because we don't want to have it. You don't want to have a bad trip ever. and DP is just a bad trip full of questioning your existence and disturbing physical symptoms.


People without DP/DR can ask themselves these questions because they don't have a mental disorder. It's the mental illness that's making you think these things, you're not necessarily 'voluntarily' asking yourself these questions. You're not reaching enlightenment or cosmic ecstasy. Sure, this illness can help you find more about yourself, but it'll only teach you how to deal with anxiety and to appreciate life when you have good moments.


You will recover, at your own pace. You first have to learn what this illness is, how to cope, and how to push through. Understand that people with DP relapse a lot into DP feelings, but the relapses will soon become shorter and farther and farther apart from each other.


Best of luck.

#341819 Feeling like I "know something now"?

Posted by Riah on 27 August 2014 - 09:03 PM

Yes. Very much yes. I've recovered significantly over the past 2 weeks but there's still times where my brain is like "holy fuck what is this pointless experience" and the universe comes crashing in on me. Its depressing and disturbing, like only I understand the universe; it's cosmic alienation, it's hell on earth, period.


Other times it's "oh my god I understand it!". Half the time I dont know what "it" is, but it's comforting.


I'd like to think of these as just lapses in clear thinking, nothing serious. It doesn't mean the anxiety isn't real though, because it very much is.


For me, they used to happen about 40 times a day.


Now it's like, 1 time a day. Yes, those moments will filter out and soon you'll have forgotten what it even feels like.


Best of luck

#340844 Huge things that helped me after nearly 2 years

Posted by Riah on 17 August 2014 - 07:57 AM

It was good until the whole God thing came in


He still made 10 well detailed points before he mentioned his god, and people can still benefit from it.

#339956 Feeling like you're going crazy? About to tip off the edge of reality?

Posted by Riah on 03 August 2014 - 09:36 PM

Do you feel like you're about to snap? Like one more minute and you're going to go completely psychotic? Like you're so depersonalized or derealized that you're going to tip off the edge of sanity and become totally and completely insane, or schizophrenic?


That's a good thing.


That's a blessing.


That indicates that everything in your brain is working; you are SELF AWARE of your mental processes, you are not going insane.


Extreme unreality feels like hell, and has even made me suicidal, but it only means that your brain is trying to save you from extreme anxiety, trauma, panic, etc. and when you realize this you can only get better. Psychotic people do not realize that they are psychotic, so feeling unreality means you are fully capable of feeling reality again. You just have to calm down and accept the feelings, realize you can only improve from here : )


"I find myself regarding existence as though from beyond the tomb, from another world; all is strange to me; I am, as it were, outside my own body and individuality; I am depersonalized, detached, cut adrift. Is this madness? No. Madness means the impossibility of recovering".

-Henri Frédéric Amiel, the first man known to have suffered from depersonalization.


Best wishes to all of you.





#339671 Ya know what I think is more powerful than positivity?

Posted by Riah on 29 July 2014 - 10:52 PM

So amazingly true. I've been in hell the past couple days, and I tried and tried and tried to say "mind over matter!" "dont think about it and it'll go away" and "smile and it'll go away on its own!".


But today I just said "Fuck it, this is happening. Now what? Accept it."


And I feel better already. No point in trying to trick yourself into feeling real. 


Acknowledging the feelings of unreality, the depression, the anxiety, the desperateness, is the way too go.


You feel unreal? Sad? Work with it, don't repress it. and eventually it will go away on its own.

#339669 I feel like half a person

Posted by Riah on 29 July 2014 - 09:09 PM

That's almost a perfect description of how it feels - being only half a person. You'll do something but without experiencing it, because you're there to do it, but not feel it or experience it whole. Pretty much like the personality fragment you are is observing, as another completely alien-feeling person is experiencing the rest.


Yes yes yes yes yes EXACTLY.

#339663 On the road to recovery? #2

Posted by Riah on 29 July 2014 - 08:49 PM

If you remain this positivity, you should be fine! Congrats :)

#339572 I feel like half a person

Posted by Riah on 28 July 2014 - 08:55 PM

Like Sam from Quantum Leap


Or John Malkovich, from, well, Being John Malkovich.


I feel like half a person is in my body. Not a whole person; never a whole person.


Anyone else understand? :/

#338772 Something to Remember

Posted by Riah on 18 July 2014 - 09:52 PM

Here's some words of wisdom; something to remember from the man himself who coined the term depersonalization, and suffered from it.



"Since the age of sixteen onward I have been able to look at things with the eyes of a blind man recently operated upon— I have been able to suppress in myself the results of the long education of sight, and to abolish distances; and now I find myself regarding existence as though from beyond the tomb, from another world; all is strange to me; I am, as it were, outside my own body and individuality; I am depersonalized, detached, cut adrift. Is this madness? No. Madness means the impossibility of recovering".


-Henri Frédéric Amiel

#336888 Can mental ailments like DP be detected by brain scans like depression can be...

Posted by Riah on 25 June 2014 - 11:19 AM

Yes, very much so.


"PET Images of the Brains of a Healthy Comparison Subject and a Patient With Depersonalization Disorder at Two Consecutive Levels in the Parietal Lobe

Higher relative metabolic activity (region/whole brain) in the patient with depersonalization disorder occurred in the parietal association areas in more dorsal and ventral regions." (source)
"The study found that depersonalization disorder was linked to functional abnormalities in the sensory cortex." (source)

#335961 A quote I don't agree with / A prime example of cognitive dissonance

Posted by Riah on 12 June 2014 - 07:11 PM

Tumblr is ridden with 'deep' quotes that are nothing more than simple, erroneous thoughts. They annoy me as well. But there is always good in the world.