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Member Since 16 Jul 2013
Offline Last Active Mar 19 2020 04:47 PM

Topics I've Started

Goodbye DPSH

23 March 2016 - 11:39 PM

I don't get on here much anymore and a lot of you probably have no idea who I even am. 
I just wanted to say that I wont be returning to this forum. I'm finally at a point where depersonalization doesn't really bother me now and I don't feel I belong here.
My last post doesn't come with a miracle cure because there sadly isn't one. I think after having had this for 4 years I've learnt how to deal with it, you learn what makes you bad and what makes you better. I think everyone is different and what works for one wont work for others. 
I thought nothing would ever work for me. Believe me I spent a good two years near on hysterical most days. I would barely leave my house. I was a complete panicky mess.
Over the 4 years I have had this I have done things I never even imagined I could do whilst feeling so terrible. 
You never know how close you are to having a good day or having a day that is maybe only a tiny bit better than the one before so please never ever ever ever give up!
Really I just wanted to thank all of you for your support. As strange as it sounds I feel kind of sentimental about this place!
I wish you, each and every one of you all of the luck in the world in everything you do (apart from if you're going to become some sort of weird axe murderer or something along those lines but that goes without saying really!).
Toodle pip  :P

Having cosmetic surgery tomorrow

17 March 2016 - 02:38 PM



I was looking for some advice. Tomorrow I am having cosmetic surgery and my anxiety has been really bad today due to this. 


Does anyone have any tips or words of advice for me to try and keep my cool? 


Or anyone had cosmetic surgery when you also have anxiety/dp?


I HATE being put to sleep, that's what scares me the most, even though I've been put to sleep before!


Now it's the night before I'm wondering why am I even doing this to myself and I am so scared!!!!






Keep having the weirdest dreams.

17 February 2016 - 01:57 PM

I have always to some extent sleptwalked/slept talked but lately it's getting bad to the point where it's happening most nights. I don't really understand this as my anxiety and dp is at its lowest right now and has been for some time. Normally when they are high I can sleepwalk/sleeptalk more.

I give you permission to laugh at me because this is weird and slightly embarrassing but the recurring dream I keep having and have been having for around a month is a dream where I am choking. In my dreams I will eat the weirdest things like Lego, necklaces, bottle tops, spoons etc etc and then I will start to choke on them. At this point I am in the state where you are aware of your surroundings but you are still stuck in your dream and it feels like it's still happening. I will spring out of bed because I feel like I'm choking on whatever it was I was dreaming of eating and run around frantically making weird noises with my throat......and then suddenly I wake up and realise it was just a dream..... I obviously do not and never have eaten things that aren't edible.

I have bruises all up my legs from hitting them off things in my frantic choking episodes. I have broken mugs and glasses from knocking them off my nightstand in my weird panicky dream. The other day I think I did some damage to my foot by hitting it off a bed frame as it's rather painful..... I also don't feel rested and sometimes I don't really want to sleep because of this.

I know it's strange but am I alone or could anyone please tell me what's going on with me lol


''I am not normal''

29 December 2015 - 07:54 AM

I often see people with mental health problems use this phrase and in the past I've often thought it a lot about myself and have felt shame at the fact that I maybe don't act like the people I surround myself with. As in I thought I'm maybe a bit weirder than others, maybe a bit more out of control in some respects and maybe don't have the same aspirations as them........


I have wished I was skinnier, taller, had bigger breasts, happier, bigger butt, had a better job, was better educated, prettier, had a steady relationship, trusted people more, literally everything under the sun and to list them all would take me all day. Over the years I have taken a beating from myself on a daily basis by basically wishing I was anyone but myself.


I have said to many people over these last 4 years that ''I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!!!!'' or ''I JUST WANT TO BE LIKE THEM OR YOU OR ANYONE BUT ME''. I've even had people say to me ''Why can't you act like a normal person?''. I've also been told I'm crazy or weird.


If I had been paid a quid for every time I've thought something awful about myself or had someone else say something equally as awful to me I'd be abnormally rich.


However, the thing that people forget and what I forgot is that ''normal'' is actually a programme on my washing machine, it is a setting on my phone, it's a setting on my fridge/freezer. Normal doesn't apply to people as unlike my phone or my washing machine we are all superbly 'unique'. There will never be another you and there will never be another me (although I'm not sure that's such a bad thing :P)


I guess what I'm trying to say is that this ''normal'' that everyone searches for or aspires to be is a universe that literally no fucker lives in and trying to reach it made me SO unhappy!!!!


I'm scared.

19 November 2015 - 10:02 AM

I have to go on a plane in 5 days and I'm really scared. 


I hate flying and I always have (even though I've flown quite a few times) but now I have quite bad anxiety my fear is worse. Before I had anxiety I just used to get a little drunk or have a few drinks before flying and that always seemed to helped my nerves.


Plus with all this terrorism stuff going on lately it's just making it worse.


Am I alone?!


I would honestly rather float there via rubber ring than step foot on a plane at this moment in time.