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eddiehouston

Member Since 08 Nov 2011
Offline Last Active Oct 04 2019 12:09 PM
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#246637 should i be excited for the new years?

Posted by eddiehouston on 01 January 2012 - 12:54 AM

this time last year i had my new years resolutions set and knew what i wanted from 2011. the main resolution to say, was to get better and have my dp gone. today, a year later i'm still the same person. this time no job, no school, and dp has gotten much worse or so i feel. i lost hope. i don't quite understand how you can go from having everything, to absolutely nothing. i always ask myself, why me? i'm a good person. i don't deserve this. i'm sitting here in my room 20 minutes before 2012, not really wanting to go out there to celebrate the upcoming of a new year if i know for a fact it's gonna be a shitty one and just to do it all over again. not looking forward to any of that. i sit here and picture myself with a perfect life, a life without dp and it just gets me teary eyed. what i would do to get 30 minutes of this feeling gone, god that would be amazing. it's not quite the best feeling in the world, being judged by everyone. why doesn't he have a job? why doesn't he go to school? what's do hard about just doing it? trust me, it's hard. and you can't "just" face and ignore those feelings. they're horrible. so why does this happen to us? are we being punished? will it ever go away? how do we even know this is happening to us when it doesn't even feel real. ugh it just all sucks so bad. i just truly hope that 2012 brings peace and better opportunities in life for the ones that suffer from dp and are in the same situation as me. let's not give up, were all in this together.