toshibatelly - Viewing Profile: Likes - Depersonalization Community

Jump to content

Please Read the Community Forum Guidelines Before Posting.


Member Since 13 Sep 2011
Offline Last Active Mar 08 2012 01:59 PM

#251002 " There are worst mental disorders "

Posted by toshibatelly on 21 February 2012 - 05:56 PM

What are you trying to say? That we should all wallow in our horrible misfortune, and talk endlessly about how bad this disorder is, like we are not all acutely aware of that?

#250898 fear of schizophrenia

Posted by toshibatelly on 20 February 2012 - 11:35 AM

I am going to say this again but it does no good.

Someone with schizophrenia (not a schizo -- that is an insulting term) can be VERY aware of the strangeness of their thoughts. I have spent a good part of my life interacting with individuals with all mental illnesses. My first boyfriend in college had schizophrenia, and I have two cousins (one with schizophrenia and one with schizoaffective disorder which causes paranoia, mania, psychotic episodes.)

There are individuals on this board with schizophrenia.

It is a very specific serious disorder of the brain, neurological, and comes on a spectrum of more treatable to untreatable.

There are also extremely high functioning individuals who have schizophrenia.

I have told these stories before, but an individual may go through a period of lucidity ... then they may have anything from mild to major symptoms. They can feel symptoms coming on -- CBT, etc. helps the individual recognize this and seek help.

One woman I know is a pharmacist who may be considered "quiet and eccentric" -- but she hasn't missed a day of work in years. I know another who is a journalist (PT) who in a meeting will sometimes say, "Is everything turning pink in here?" And others in the group say, "Nope." And she says, "Damnit, I need a meds change." VERY aware. And many are terrified by their symptoms. It is only when they lose insight that they become unaware that their thoughts, hallucinations are distorted or not real. But even then, they recall sometimes the things they were thinking, and look back and can describe them.

Another man, a doctor, bipolar (where in manic states one can have delusions) noted that when watching TV one day he saw the Pope and felt he needed to get on a plane to assassinate him. But he knew he shouldn't be thinking that, and told another doctor. He had been self-medicating with drugs and alcohol for years and was a heart surgeon. He is now in recovery and studying to be a psychiatrist.

Finally, another member of my group has a compulsion to put his hand in the garbage disposal. Voices tell him to do this. He knows this is dangerous. He again, is able to recognize this is not the right thing to do and will call a friend, or call his doctor.

These misconceptions about other mental illnesses drive me up the wall.

Look up Elyn Saks. She is an attorney, law professor and she has schizophrenia. She has had years of intervention. Some 50 years ago she was considered a hopeless case. She is now a spokesperson for the mentally ill. Came out of the closet. Only her best friends stood by her as people don't see that brain disorders are neurological.

And no, can't diagnose over the internet, but NO, NO, NO DP/DR are NOT going to develop into schizophrenia, though some with schizophrenia may have DP/DR symptoms.

DP/DR is a horrible sensation, but it doesn't affect our sense of insight. We KNOW there is something wrong, and we don't "graduate" to psychosis. If one develops psychosis ... well that would be a very small percent here, and it would appear dramatically. You might end up in a hospital to get stabilized.

With any disorder there is a spectrum of severity, length of illness, times of remission, etc. Proper treatment in various ways can help MANY people. But there is no specific treatment that cures schizoprhenia or really any mental illness, but improves quality of life even to where the individual is so high functioning you would not know they have the disorder. Many may know someone with schizophrenia and not even know it as they are afraid of being called "schizo" or that their illness is contagious.

This is pure ignorance.

Well that's all very interesting. However, as you have said, the odds of someone with chronic DP developing schizophrenia is very low (I know schizophrenics can experience DP but they experience it as one of a constellation of symptoms) so why scare people with this information? You know and I know that there are more than a few people on this board whose lives revolve around a fear of schizophrenia, I don't think your information, correct as it is, will help them.

#250848 fear of schizophrenia

Posted by toshibatelly on 19 February 2012 - 05:06 PM

Hi everyone im new here!
im 17 and all started when i got a panick attack by smocking weed with friends. The next day, when i thought about it, i got derealization that is with me 24/7 for 1 year now. Sometimes i felt dp too.
I kearned to live with dr and anxiety but one day i was looking on the internet about mentall illness and i found an article about schizophrenia.. i got really really scared of it and i searched all symptoms of this illness and i know everything of it. The problem is.. when i start thinking about (example): Waht if someday i become schizo? What will i do? Will i live with this illness all my life?-
or when i start fearing that i will have auditory allucinations or delusions.. then i think i will sure have schizophrenia and there is no way i can save myself. I've read that dp/dr can be symptoms of it and that weed can cause it so those are factors that help my anxiety to come in. Also films that talk about it fear me and i start searching to internet again until i find relief. But in some way the next day the cycle restart and i keep googling schizophrenia... When i hear something i always think: oh its a allucination! and i always check if it isnt. Thats all.
oh sorry for my bad english!
plz help me

Firstly, no-one can make any promises to you here about your future. So let's get that bit of unfortunate news out of the way.

However, the odds of you developing schizophrenia, if you have no family history of the disease, are less than 1 in 100, smoking cannabis can increase your risk but it is still unlikely you will develop schizophrenia. Also, if your weed use was going to trigger psychosis it is likely that would be what would have happened, instead it triggered DP, I am not familiar with anyone who has gone from having DP/DR to having schizophrenia. DR for a year is indicative of being a dissociative, not a psychotic.

I too fear psychosis, many DP sufferers do, but the best thing to do is to avoid searching it, I understand how tempting it can be and I know that people sometimes feel a sort of nagging compulsion to do it, but really try not to if you possibly can. At the present time your problem is not schizophrenia, it is DR and anxiety, so focus on solving them.

Anyway, as I have told others on here, and as many people on here already know, prodromal schizophrenics are anosognosic, this means that they are not aware that they have a problem. The part of the brain which should allow them to have insight is damaged by the disorder, so the fact you are worrying about it means I am fairly confident you don't have it and are not developing it.

My last piece of advice is to explain your fears about this to your Doctor, I explained how I feared being a schizophrenic to my Doctor and he soon allayed those fears. :)

#250825 My lifes not worth living anymore

Posted by toshibatelly on 19 February 2012 - 11:24 AM

Dude, obviously your in an immense amount of pain right now and that's undeniable, but you don't want to kill yourself. You want to get RID of the PAIN, and that's understandable. Things CAN get better, trust me. I recovered once before. If you kill yourself, you are denying the chance of ever recovering and seeing brighter days ahead again. And trust me...when you DO come out of is so, so SWEET. Hang on!!!!!

This! :)

#249748 I'm Asocial

Posted by toshibatelly on 07 February 2012 - 08:19 PM

Same. I'm not asocial when in company, I'm often overly pleasant and prone to laughing and gesticulating as a way of compensating for my inner want of emotion, but I rarely engage socially when it can be avoided. I never go clubbing (possibly a good thing since neither alcohol nor street drugs will do DP sufferers any good) or anything, I have a small group of friends, a large group of acquaintances, the type of people who you would exchange pleasantries with and nothing more, at University and that's about it for social interaction.

#249414 My life is over. Fuck it.

Posted by toshibatelly on 04 February 2012 - 12:15 AM

JUST FUCK IT. If I need to be a bitch to anyone on here I will be. I don't care anymore. I don't even believe this is DR or DP anymore or whatever the hell you call this fucking piece of shit. My mind is fading away. DAY BY FUCKING DAY ITS WORSE AND WORSE. NEVER STAYS THE SAME. There has to be something behind this, this is not normal and I am so tired of living my life in hell. Say what you want, be calm, distract yourself, all that bull shit, has it helped a little? Yes...but as the days go by I feel my mind drifting away more and more. Eventually I won't be able to function. How scared do you think I am?!?! Fuck this.

You begin your post with an aggressive statement like that and then expect sympathy? Well you're not going to be getting any from here. By all means, be a bitch to me. :rolleyes: No-one here is enjoying the experience of DP, and none of your symptoms are unique. It isn't our fault you have DP, is it? Is there any reason to be rude? No, there is not. If you want to be part of a community then you are more than welcome, if you don't then, forgive me for saying this, kindly fuck off.

#248530 Hate to be annoying but..

Posted by toshibatelly on 23 January 2012 - 06:17 PM

hahaha you wouldn't be saying shame about the result if you were a Villa fan like me.

#248514 Hate to be annoying but..

Posted by toshibatelly on 23 January 2012 - 12:25 PM

Agreed. This place can piss me off big style, I treat it as a place to ask and answer specific questions about the disorder, I try to be as helpful as possible, but sometimes people can really irritate me with their self-important whining. Everyone here knows what DP is, we all know how horrible it is and we all want, broadly speaking, the same thing to happen, namely for this problem we share to let up. I try not to be rude because I imagine that if someone is making lots of threads about their problems then their problems are very severe, but I understand your frustration with people who dwell on their symptoms too much.

That being said, it's better that people ask questions and receive answers from other people who have experience of the disorder than those people bottling up their fears or, worse, Googling their symptoms and feeding the hypochondria they most likely have. The truth is that chilled people don't get DP, or if they do then they just treat it as a weird, but trivial and not frightening, feeling. People here are nervous, anxious, ruminating types, me included, and they should not be blamed for that but in its extreme forms it does put up a barrier to getting better.

#248300 Front row ticket for the show of my psychotic onset

Posted by toshibatelly on 20 January 2012 - 01:45 PM

It has been a disappointing show since you don't sound like you are on the verge of psychosis, if you had proceeded with, "I received a message today informing me that I am the son of God and am here to collect your cyber-souls to power my spaceship" I would have been more impressed, do you do refunds?

#247750 Time perception very skewed

Posted by toshibatelly on 14 January 2012 - 03:03 AM

Interested to here how your perception of time was altered by DP, if at all, and any psychiatric reasons for this. I find that things feel like they were much, much longer ago than they were, I don't suffer memory loss as such but I feel as though a great deal has passed between the present time and some event yesterday even though it hasn't.

Anyone else feel like time is taking an eternity to pass by?

#247371 How far can derealization go

Posted by toshibatelly on 11 January 2012 - 05:31 AM

It can go pretty far without meds man, im still not even on meds but I know how you feel.. I got to the point where everything was basically looked like I was tripping on acid or shrooms or something. just try to ride it out.

I can't say whether my DP has ever reached those kind of peaks (since I have no experience of tripping on any drugs lol) but I don't think comparisons with drug takers' experiences can be helpful, people who suffer from DP are still in control of their actions. Yes DP is a horrendous, frightening experience that I would wish on no-one but my worst enemies but it is not a state of psychosis no matter how far it goes you will always be ultimately in control, unless you have DP as a symptom of another illness rather than as a standalone disorder (or in the context of anxiety).

#247361 How would you describe your derealization symptoms?

Posted by toshibatelly on 11 January 2012 - 12:37 AM

- Doubting the existence of anything around me
- Strange visual perceptions, lights in the corner of my eyes, 'black cats' in my peripheral vision (a common symptom of migraine)
- A sense of dread and extreme, unabated loneliness.
- A blurry memory
- Jamais vu
- In line with the above, often feeling as though nothing around me is quite what it was, as though some characteristic of my environment has changed even though none have, it is me who has changed my perception of the environment.
- Tinges of depression.
- Odd, vivid dreams
- Anger at my symptoms, which can lead me to be moody but nothing more
- People sound and appear far away, as does my own voice.
- When feeling in a state of extreme anxiety I often find it a tremendous effort just to speak and explain my problem
- Fight or flight symptoms; adrenaline pumping through my system as the DP takes hold, sweating profusely, looking for an exit point, people have told me I become deathly pale when this happens, although the latter symptom sometimes gives way to a ruddy, sweaty, clammy condition as the attack progresses
- A strange high when the worst of it is over, like I've just escaped from some life threatening situation, or stared death in the face and lived (even though I know I haven't)

#245308 Face it... we're schizophrenic

Posted by toshibatelly on 27 November 2011 - 11:49 PM

O we'll that's fucking great, I have most of those symtoms...

I hope those symptoms can be found I'm just DP

As do I, but let's look at this rationally and without our shared obsessions over schizophrenia clouding our judgement:

a) Reduced concentration could easily be caused by DP, DP distracts you from reality, disconnects you from what's going on and forces you to dwell on things most people just blithely accept.

:cool: Reduced drive. Again, DP plays with our minds, as you noted yourself the fears associated with it can sap your energy and make you feel tired; panic attacks and chronic depersonalization are both tiring in their own right, combined things are even worse.

c) Depression. Living in a hazy, dream-like state, doubting your reality, fearing for your sanity, feeling like you can't remember your own name, barely recognising yourself and feeling emotionally detached from your loved ones is enough to depress the most resilient of people.

d) Sleep disturbances. These are pretty common among non-disordered people anyway, panicking can stop you sleeping and after the panic is over you may feel the need to sleep.

e) Anxiety. Well....worrying 24/7 about having schizophrenia won't help in this regard.

f) Social withdrawal, it isn't easy to function when you have DP, and social interaction can be tiring and unfulfilling (especially if you feel emotionally detached) so it's no wonder Depersonalized people withdraw.

g) Suspiciousness. Can't see this one in the context of DP, but you don't seem to be exhibiting any signs of being paranoid and I don't think I am either so we need not worry about this one.

h) Deterioration in role functioning. Can be chalked up to the effect of DP and anxiety on functioning, some panic disorder sufferers become house-bound due to their disorder but this doesn't suggest they are at risk for psychosis.

i) Irritability. Common with sufferers of any chronic condition.

#245305 *sigh* you cannot get schizophrenia

Posted by toshibatelly on 27 November 2011 - 11:35 PM

The moral of the story is, "Just say no" :lol: that way whether you have a propensity toward schizophrenia or not doesn't matter.

#244791 Anyone ever notice any of your DP symptoms?

Posted by toshibatelly on 21 November 2011 - 06:51 PM

The staring thing, or the sort of trance like state DP sufferers can appear to be in, does raise questions occasionally but I do my best to hide my DP symptoms around all but my nearest and dearest; friends of mine don't generally know I have this problem, those who have been friends with me for more than 6 or 7 years know I used to get panic attacks but they aren't aware that I still do.

Sometimes, especially when the DP/DR is compounded by tiredness or emotional fatigue for some reason, I have a bit of a dead stare, as though, to the outside observer, I'm not really in there (which is a fair summation of how most DP sufferers feel :lol:), this is worrying; I don't want people to think I'm a psychopath.

In my experience people usually just ask, "Are you OK", or sometimes ask if they have upset you (I suppose looking blank can be a sign you're suppressing rage), but most of the time I render my symptoms invisible to the observer; either through sheer force of will (e.g. forcing myself to pay attention to what's going on around me even though it's difficult) or by passing off my distantness as being tiredness or something.