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Member Since 17 Mar 2011
Offline Last Active May 24 2013 03:29 PM
Two years in counting.. is this life now or just habit? Updated 25 Sep · 0 comments

About Me

Hi, I'm 18/f/NYC. I've recently self-diagnosed myself with Derealization. I used to smoke marijuana on a weekly basis for about three months until the last time that I smoked. That was the biggest trip of my life.


I was in my boyfriend's town up in NH, and before that night I never had to worry about hiding my high from my parents. I always just stayed over a friend's place until it died down. But this time, we had to eventually go back to his house. And sooner than I felt comfortable with. He handed me Visine as he pulled into the driveway surrounding his house. "Ready?" he asked me, staring at me from the driver's seat. I was nowhere close to being ready, but if we had waited until I felt comfortable, we would have ended up camping out in the car. I tried to stall for as long as possible, but I could see that he was beginning to get annoyed with me, so I got up, took a deep breath and stumbled my way through the path that led to his front door. My heart must have been fighting to meet 300 beats per minute. I have always been an anxious person, but in the past I was pretty good at hiding my fear. To my avail the lights were all out, however his mother jumped up from the couch as soon as we entered. Oh, great! She had been waiting for us. My boyfriend sported a pair of "Party City" retro sunglasses that couldn't have cost more than around three dollars. I, on the other hand, went glassless, sporting my very obvious and poorly hidden Visine bloodshots!


The trip that followed was a long, leery and menacing one. I awoke the next morning to what I had thought at the time was just a hangover from the highly potent weed that we had ingested the night before. Little did I know that this was just the beginning of a long, difficult battle with my own overwhelmed and neurologically ill mind.


So here I am today, looking to find a way out. I have come to terms with the fact that this will not be an easy recovery, but I have promised myself that it will indeed be a recovery at that.


I'm looking for support and advice that can help me to know all that I need to know about this anxiety symptom. I don't feel completely comfortable giving advice of my own, as I am a new sufferer and cannot provide much at this time. With that said, I thank you for your kindness and patients with me until I can be more of a help to others.

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