stefisingsMember Since 03 Mar 2011
Offline Last Active Aug 11 2011 02:05 PM
I posted this in one of the forum's a few weeks ago but it really is my "about me" info too. If you have seen it already, I'm sorry to bore you but it sort of sums things up for me! Thanks!
I'm brand new to this forum and don't know if this is the right place to put this but here goes nothing.
I developed my anxiety/panic/ DP/DR after smoking a joint when I was 13...It was like the movie "NUMB" (which if you guys haven't seen you should. It is all about this...It stars...OMG..ummm Chandler from friends and it is about a guy who smokes too much pot one night and then ....THIS. The way he flipped out was like watching my own story.
Anyway, my disorder (???) whatever it is...didn't hit me full force until college. I dropped out shortly after. I got help...I moved on. I didn't consider myself cured but that I had it "under control" I traveled, married, made an awesome career for myself...(awesome in the way that I am doing what I love and getting paid to do it...I am not successful in the "tons of money in the bank" way) I have great friends...So, now at the ripe old age of 46 I can tell you that there is life beyond this. i keep reading posts where people say "I have ruined my life and I'm just starting out" NO WAY...you haven't!!!
Getting back to the DP...This is what I wrote recently on a similar site and just wanna share with anyone that is feeling the same way.
...I have dealt with anxiety of one kind or another for most of my life...but a few years ago, this depersonalization really gave me a run for the money...How could it be related to anxiety or panic when it would happen during times of relative calmness??? Well, the truth is I am so used to being in an anxious state that I didn't even realize how wound up I was each time these feelings would come and overwhelm me.
I would describe it as....
Out of body experiences
altered sense of reality (thoughts of am I driving the car or part of the car???)
and so many more and yet I still can't put it into words...not really accurately!
But...wouldn't you know it...It really was my "old friend" anxiety just showing up in another form...Here is what I learned
DP/DR can not exist without anxiety. So, trying to cure DP/DR is futile...It can't be done. You have to learn to cure/cope/live with or treat the anxiety that is bringing it on. I read that someone referred to this and all panic symptoms as a playground bully who thrives on your fear...The day you truly lose your fear...he gets bored and goes. What a great analogy. It's so true...these symptoms can not survive unless you are scared of them or at the very least worried about them.
I've also read people saying ...to cure myself of DP/DR I have to accept it for awhile...This is true...even if you completely lose fear of these symptoms...they may linger awhile. Your body has been in a nervous state for awhile maybe months or years...It takes awhile for your brain and body to become desensitized to it all. DP/DR is actually the minds way of dealing with too much stress...It is sort of putting a vale or some distance between you and what is going on to give you a break. (And yes it does feel very similar to being high on pot)
However, many people (me included) say they are going to just accept the feelings but really don't...we keep checking to see "Has it gone yet" or "Why is it still here" It has to be true acceptance...An example would be...The eye doctor gives you eye drops to examine your eyes...You know that you aren't going to be able to focus on things the way you normally do..you'll have to spend the day walking around in sunglasses and maybe even into the next day. You totally accept this and just work around it or go home until it is more comfortable. Most of us do not let this really get to us..we accept it as a temporary situation and go about our lives the best we can. The same thing as having your mouth numbed at the dentist..inconvenient but not horrific. When you have this attitude to almost all anxiety/panic symptoms...They go. It may take awhile...but if you truly accept them without fear...you'll see.
The best news is...It doesn't matter how long or how much you suffer with all of this...The answer is the same. I am writing this because it helps me to put it in words and actually see it. It reminds me of what I am dealing with...If it helps anyone else...even better!!!
Peace to you all![/b]
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- Age 55 years old
- Birthday December 24, 1964
Singing, acting, swimming, staring contests with my cat, traveling, languages, movies, tv, laughing, MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC...
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