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oceansdoorway

Member Since 10 Nov 2010
Offline Last Active May 04 2011 05:31 PM
I'm not sure anymore Updated 10 Nov · 0 comments
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About Me

My name is Steven, I love writing. I first entered the dream world in October of 2009. I am not sure what caused me to enter this nightmare and i fear I never will. I wait for death in hopes that it will awaken me from this dream. I will start with my a summary of my life story. I was born and raised in California. My mother and father had me at age 16. I was raised by my mother and my step dad who abused my mother. My biological father has spent most of my life in prison. I was raised poor but my mother worked to give me everything. My biological father has anger problems and I know he suffers from some form of mental illness. My grandmother from my moms side suffers from a borderline personality disorder. My grandmother from my dads side and my mother have both suffered from clinical depression. I am told that my dad's father is bipolar. My mom's father's family shows multiple cases of epilepsy. I remember growing up I was exposed to things many people should never be exposed to in their life. My mother unsuccessfully attempted suicide 9 years ago. She then left my step dad and she later remarried. I have regrettably smoked marijuana a few times and when i did smoke marijuana I felt like I was in a dream like i do now. I was not under the influence of Marijuana when I entered the dream world but i still wonder if my previous experiences could have caused it. I remember most of my childhood including an unusual amount of insignificant memories. My memory is extreme. I remember many things from before age three. My memory has substantially decreased since I entered the dream world. I know this is life and I am not truly in a dream world but that is what I refer to my condition as. I remember taking a celexa pill 2 days before my journey into the dream world. I do have HSV which i had contracted 5 months before entering the dream world. I am overweight, I eat unhealthy most of the time but i am trying to change my eating habits and I also started the gym. I get lightheaded occasionally and I get headaches. I have had many medical tests which have been inconclusive. My psychiatrist doesn't help at all. I get white dots on my finger nails and I have exema. I feel like I need to include every detail no matter how big or small. I think I felt this way during parts of my childhood but it is hard to remember emotions. My doctor says that I am over intelligent and it is helping me fall apart, he says that instead of feeling emotion I analyze emotion. When I first entered the dream world it was caused by delusional thinking which lead to a panic attack. I then began to cry and I was unsure what was wrong with me. I then sought help by medical professionals and I never got the help I was looking for. I later was admitted to the hospital because I contracted the H1N1 virus and strep throat the same week I entered the dream world.I think I am insane and Insanity is my biggest fear. I have had obsessive thoughts about hurting the ones I love and suicide but the Zoloft has helped to reduce that.I am unsure what I feel anymore all I really know is that I am occasionally emotionally unstable.When I close my eyes while thinking then I open my eyes i am suddenly in a different mood or something of the sort, it is hard to describe. I am always anxious and half the time I am unsure what I am anxious about. I get to points were I feel ok in this dream and I begin to think I am on the road to recovery when suddenly I completely relapse.I know that more than likely I am forgetting to put something in here, I just hope by posting my story I will find answers. I am 17 and I confused on whether or not I will be in this dream forever. I have family support but it eventually gets to a point were you can not talk to family about it anymore because they do not want to hear how you feel over and over again and they begin to get tired of it. I blink constantly sometimes. I have unusually double jointed, I often feel Synesthesia. I need something to wake me up from this dream and by posting this I hope that someone will give me answers.I thank you all for your time.


Community Stats


  • Group Members
  • Active Posts 5
  • Profile Views 2086
  • Member Title Newbie
  • Age 27 years old
  • Birthday October 12, 1993
  • Gender
    Not Telling Not Telling
  • Location
    Merced, California
  • Interests
    Writing is my passion, simple as that.

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