I was recently browsing the used metal CD's at a local indie record store and picked up "The fire in our throats will beckon the thaw" by a post-rock/metal band called Pelican. It's instrumental music but its just as gripping as a song with vocals. I'm loving it and highly recommend it!
I know its hard man. I have to deal with the existential thoughts too. I have to deal with the empty feelings I get everyday for no reason. And the head fog. And the detached emotional feelings that i used to have. And the screwed up memory. And I don't know when this will go away and sadly enough i sometimes think it never will. You gotta just take it one day at a time. Every little step is a personal triumph to me. Just remember you have an entire community of people on here who are dealing with the same things as you and are supporting you to keep on keeping on. We are all in this together.
This might sound silly but I started just writing everything I feel in a word document. I guess you could call it a journal but it just feels good to write about my insecurities, fears, hopes, anxieties, frustrations, and everything that both is and isn't caused by DP. It actually helps me view the things I worry about from a different angle, and helps me conqueror them. Just feels good to get whats on the inside out really.
Does any of this shit really matter? I mean these arguments get us nowhere. Believers need to acknowledge that they may very well be believing what they do for a false sense of comfort and that death could be the end of it all. Atheists need to acknowledge that there are many strange things in the human equation like the nature of consciousness and dreams so thoughts of something higher aren't that out there. I'm not saying you shouldn't ask these questions or even debate over them but don't turn it into a "my opinion is right and your opinion is wrong" thing. We should be searching for truth.
I could be wrong, because my DP was caused by a panic attack and not weed, but I have a small theory. The weed caused the panic attack, and Dp was a result, theirs no argument their. But I know plenty of people, myself included, that have had panic attacks while smoking weed, and DP wasnt the result. Just like panic attacks without weed,not all of them cause DP. My theory is, it wasnt the weed that caused dp, it was the panic attack that caused dp, and weed just caused the panic attack just like a million other factors could have caused the panic attack, its just easier to get while high. I think theirs some kind of 'hidden factor' here that causes dp, something between that and the panic attack.
I agree. My DP came from a weed-induced panic attack. It was not the weed that directly caused the dp, it was the panic attack. Of course, marijuana was the root cause but that is largely how the drug affects an individuals brain. Im very prone to anxiety so thinking about a concept like infinity while high? Scary stuff when you cant shake it.
So, I'm on klonopin and I've made the mistake of trying to drink while on it. I didn't take any for like 6 hours and like a 4 oz whiskey orange juice and the klonopin made me feel exactly like I did the night I drank 8 0z of whiskey and 2 tequilla shots (um puking in the toilet and passing out). How long does the klonopin need to be out of my system so that I can drink and not get knocked on my butt like that again? My birthday is coming up and I plan on getting drunk and dancing with some hot guys in the club.
I really really really wouldn't advise drinking at all to be honest.
I've realised something today. I actually am able to go along with the feeling of being in a dream and not freak out, but theres sort of a barrier, which is thinking if I'm wasting my life by being like this. I often wonder if I can actually feel good while being like this, if this is just wasting my life. As soon as I remember how I used to live my life and how I am living it now, I feel like I just have to stop going along with this feeling, like I just can't accept this, and this is when I remember of some stories of people who had DP/DR for years, and some still do after years and like.. wonder how their lives were, and how could they have been if they had recovered..
I can't stress to you enough how important it is to accept the current state you are in. DP is a defense mechanism the brain switches into to deal with a great amount of stress, anxiety, or sadness. So trying to fight what your brain naturally does only adds more stress to the mind which is extremely counter productive to recovery. But don't think of yourself as a victim to DP. Think of DP as a guest with the job of protecting the mind. Keeping it away won't let it do its job. And constantly thinking about it will only agitate it and take it longer to do its job. Let it in to stay for however long it needs to stay, try not to disturb it, and it will pack up and leave when its job is finished.
It's a mixture of the two. First you accept, and I mean really accept it. Don't accept it for a week and get frustrated when it's not gone. You need to just submit to it and go about your life. Distraction is the next step. Keep busy with your friends, job, schooling, and hobbies. If you find yourself "not doing anything" force yourself to get busy. Other than that diet, exercise, sleep, and no drugs will speed along the process. But as I'm starting to find out we have to stop coming to the forums which obviously remind us of DP.
The weird thing about DP is that it stirs up the same fears in all of us. It makes you really think about existence. It's funny isn't it? Just sit back and think for a minute. Your alive. RIGHT NOW. You could very well be not alive but somehow you ended up alive, in this universe, in this galaxy, on this planet, as a human, right here reading this at this moment. It's mind blowing. out of the INFINITE possibilities that "you" could have gone through, the paths you could have taken, the experiences you may have had, your completely unique path has led you to here. In this moment! The human experience is so strange. Our ability to reason makes us question our very existence. Why are we here? How did I get here? What does it all mean? These questions cloud the DP'd mind like a plague. You can try and find the answers to these questions but really its a futile pursuit. We cannot find the ultimate answer to these questions, so why try? But why does the DP'd soul constantly search for something beyond itself? We are always looking for the unobtainable. Concentrate on the now. Go outside and find a spot away from your life. No car, no computer, no tv, no ipod. No job or school, no people or responsibility. Go there with nothing more than your clothes, find a spot in the middle of nature, and just BE. Whens the last time you've done that? Just exist for awhile? We fill our lives with these electronic devices and define ourselves by our relationships with others. It consumes us to a point where we think thats what a life is. Go to that spot and let it all go. close your eyes and just be. Feel the wind in your hair, the grass on your legs. Hear the other lifeforms scurrying around, carrying out their duties. Feel the sun on your skin. You are a human, you are one with everything around you. Even if you have to think of it at a material level and not a spiritual one. You share a bond with everything around you that words cannot describe. Only when you are just existing, and realizing the oneness of all, can you learn that life isn't about reaching an end. It's not about getting somewhere, or accomplishing a specific goal. It's just experiencing what is all around you. Life is about just being. Just be.
Someone suggested to me from the boards to not fight the fear, and not add fuel to my fears. I have also heard of this tactic in dealing with panic attacks, but I never applied it to DP/DR. So, I have decided to just not worry about how funny I feel. I will just float with it and see what happens. Now I am wondering what to do with all the unsolvable questions I have about my existence, and the universe, and why we are here, etc. These questions are interesting, but their remnants kind of freak me out. I have been reading about the shift in 2012, and also about alien races and I feel intrigued, but also freaked out. Has anyone found a technique on how to deal with obsessive questions about such deep stuff?
It's great to accept how you feel right now, it's a big step in the right direction. Fighting it only makes it worse, just accept it as the temporary feeling that it is. Now the existential thoughts are easily the worst part of DP. I can't really say how to make them go away because I think about that stuff everyday. Personally I became really interested in Buddhism and spirituality in general, Im finding my own path for answers of who am I? and why am i here? But you have to realize the only reason you question it so much and ESPECIALLY how it makes you feel is ALL DP! whenever you get those feelings of helplessness, its the DP. Remind yourself that your "true self" wouldn't obsess like this. It's DP.
This is easily the WORST part of my DP. I question reality and why there is anything instead of nothing all the time. It used to be really bad though. When I first got DP I would have daily panic attacks over the meaning of life, it was hell. But you learn to deal with it in your own personal way, and it almost takes you on a spiritual type of journey. I still get random bouts of small anxiety over it, and still think about it everyday. Just remember that ALL of this is caused by DP, and like someone said your "real self" would never feel like this. It's just the DP. Remind yourself that when you feel the anxiety coming on. Its just DP and will pass when your DP goes away. Good Luck