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Member Since 10 Nov 2009
Offline Last Active Aug 02 2020 05:41 PM

#611654 Podcast with a guest who overcame chronic depersonalization disorder

Posted by CindyinMontana on 27 December 2019 - 10:06 PM

I was recently invited onto a podcast to talk about how I recovered from chronic depersonalization disorder.  On this podcast you will hear a bit about my story which started when I was 15 (I'm 48 now) and how I healed myself and now help others.  I hope this helps you all!  ~Cindy Marshall in Missoula, MT.  I believe 100% in your recovery!  

#611652 Podcast with a guest who overcame chronic depersonalization disorder

Posted by CindyinMontana on 27 December 2019 - 10:01 PM

Hey everyone,

It's been a long time since I've come back to this community but I think about you all the time and I am so grateful for this website.  I have overcome DP after quite a long journey with it and I was recently invited onto a podcast to share my story along with the tools I used to recover.  Here it is:  I Enjoy the tips, tools and my recovery story.  I believe 100% in your recovery!  ~Cindy Marshall of Missoula, Montana, USA

#287195 A psychologist's perspective on depersonalization - "From Intellectua...

Posted by CindyinMontana on 24 May 2013 - 11:52 PM

Interesting article, thanks for the post.  I especially got a lot out of the comments posted below it. 

#287082 Mr. Harris Harrington

Posted by CindyinMontana on 22 May 2013 - 01:40 PM

Hi all,

I've healed myself three times from full blown DP over the past 20 years and I just purchased Harrington's CD's.  I have totally learned to manage my DP with the help of a program that I created for myself and after reviewing Harrington's website, I see that he had discovered many of the same things that I have found to work for myself.  I purchased his program because I want to push myself to look again at the root causes of my DP.  I am hoping that if I can work out some of those underlying issues, I may be able to prevent my DP from coming back.  I am tired of rearranging my life around DP and my fear of DP's return if I don't keep my triggers in check.  For instance, my impending family visit in a month is probably at the root of my latest relapse and I am hoping if I can hash out more of my childhood trauma, I won't be triggered by the mention of my family visiting. 

The other reason I purchased the CD's:  I want to share (FOR FREE) the motivational audio recordings that I made for myself that help me to overcome DP and I want to use some of his findings in my recordings.  Presently, I am rewriting my scripts for the CD's and modifying them for the general DP public.  I am hoping to post them online within the next month or two.  They are very very different than anything I have seen out there.  I'll keep you posted! 

#287049 My adventure Aruba With DP, you CAN be happy with DP

Posted by CindyinMontana on 22 May 2013 - 12:01 AM

Dave 1988, You are a freakin' ROCK STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I LOVED YOUR POST AND THE PICS!!!  Rock on, brother!  I'm shocked you don't feel at least a tad of an improvement on your DP levels but you deserve only the best...Right on!

#263275 Regarding those who recover and leave

Posted by CindyinMontana on 21 August 2012 - 01:01 AM

Thanks for sharing that tidbit, newbie about recovering from it 5 times. I have recovered from it many more than that and you are right, about learning how to better deal with it each time. I actually created a DP Recovery kit for myself and whenever I get DP again (also from getting sick, stressed, hormones, super tired, day after drinking, etc...) I pull out my kit which has in it: books that have helped me (dp manual, At Last A Life, You Can Heal Your life), my affirmation cards, my checklist of techniques that have helped me (the healing code, meditation, supplements, reminders to eat right, exercise, and love and accept aLL of Me, even my DP) and my homemade self help tapes. (Someday I will record them and give them to the dp community). My point is, DP has become my checks and balances. I know now how to find my way out of the labyrinth although there are times I get frustrated and come back on here to read recovery posts. I also really needed to hear that some, like newbie have had relapses because I hear of someone recovering and then they are gone and I am left wondering if I am the only one who has relapses. Good luck everyone and remember to avoid the 3 p's: pessimism, pity and panic. YOU CAN DO THIS. Do one thing each day towards your recovery.

#197606 Hi, New, it came back after 5 years

Posted by CindyinMontana on 20 July 2010 - 11:42 PM

You can get through this! You are not lost, just stressed, which unfortunately triggered the DP. Do you own the DP manual? If not you should download it right now, it only costs $15. Remember to stay distracted with something, it helped you recover the first time and it will again. Read my earlier posts if you want more advice about recovering at a quicker pace. Surround yourself with positive posts, people, books, etc. Don't read negative posts on here, it could trigger you further. You got through this before and you can do it again!!! Try to avoid the 3 p's: pessimism, panic and pity and download the dp manual, it will give you lots of great, positive advice. I'm pulling for you!

#197417 sensitive hands and feet from St. John's Wort

Posted by CindyinMontana on 19 July 2010 - 05:35 PM

St.John's Wort really helps keep my DP manageable but I think it may be the reason my hands and feet recently feel super sensitive. If I stub my toe or jam my fingers it hurts much more than it used to! I also think being in the sun has something to do with the sensitivity because this only started happening since I've been outside a lot. Does anyone else have this issue?

#189138 Last symptom to go away (brain fog)?

Posted by CindyinMontana on 07 May 2010 - 09:18 PM

Yeah! Each day you will get a little bit better. Cheers and here's to persevering! ~Cindy

#189012 Last symptom to go away (brain fog)?

Posted by CindyinMontana on 06 May 2010 - 10:06 PM

It's been many months since I have visited this site. The brain fog goes away 100% in time. Each day it will get a little bit better, especially if you are taking care of yourself.

My brain fog was gone completely and then I recently attended a 4-day silent meditation retreat and upon returning home, the extra stimulus brought on slight brain fog (it just took me back to the last stage of healing from dp but didn't bring me back to square one). I know it will pass and with each day, I will improve again until it is 100% gone. For me, it makes me feel super tired, almost like I am about to get a cold or sickness, with a slight buzzy headache and "out of it" feeling. Staying positive is key for me. Patience and perseverance, without pity or pessimism.

You are almost there!!! This will go away 100% and you won't even remember it was a symptom. Just don't attend a silent meditation retreat...hehe

#175424 i was ok for a long time, i forgot all about this..

Posted by CindyinMontana on 12 November 2009 - 11:35 PM

Read some of my other posts to get more information. But the short answer, you will come out of this, you will be ok. Start by downloading the dp manual on dpmanual. com. It costs $15 and you can download it instantly. IT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING. I had my first incident with this at age 17 then recovered and was dp free for twenty years. I have had a recent relapse about a year ago but I am recovering and would say that on average I am 80-90% back to normal. I have put a lot of work into healing myself and, like you, have had to have much patience in the face of severe adversity with myself. Many, many people recover from this. Try your hardest not to get discouraged, especially by reading negative posts. Focus your attention on the recovery section of this site. Because you are new to this disorder, you are very vulnerable to discouraging stories. Every thought you think, creates your future. DO NOT LET THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS IN. When they come in (i.e I am going to stay like this forever, etc.), yell out loud "GET OUT" and then recite positive affirmations out loud (I know this sounds silly) such as "I RELEASE ALL FEAR. I LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF EXACTLY AS I AM. THE PAST HAS NO POWER OVER ME BECAUSE I AM WILLING TO CHANGE AND GROW." Whatever you think will work for you... I love the affirmations in Louise Hay's book entitled You Can Heal Your Life. She healed herself from cancer without drugs, only by changing her thoughts. I am sure she had many tell her that it would never work but she blew everyone away. Go deep within and find your strength. You will succeed!! If you are willing to put in the work, you will get better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am doing it drug free. I know this isn't for everyone but I am taking vitamins and supplements and have a whole mind, body, spirit approach to healing. You can handle these sensations and feelings. That's all they are, nothing bad is going to happen to you...It feels bad but nothing will happen to you. This won't turn into a worse condition...this whole thing is just caused be prolonged stress which was probably brought on by negative thoughts and thoughts can be changed. Don't let the anxiety escalate into panic which prolongs the horrible dp. Start to calm your brain and not let yourself panic...Distract yourself as much as possible with videos, the computer, reading, etc. to keep yourself away from your thoughts. You can't trust yourself right now so fill your head with other information besides your thoughts. Or give yourself new thoughts to think and begin to retrain your brain. YOU CAN DO THIS! ONLY LET POSITIVE INFORMATION IN, IT IS CRITICAL TO HEALING.

#175275 Does Anyone Actually Ever Recover?

Posted by CindyinMontana on 11 November 2009 - 05:59 PM

I mentioned this earlier in a different post but I thought I would share again to give hope. I am 37 years old and have been recovering from a relapse of dp that began about a year ago. I had one other major episode with this when I was 17, so twenty years ago, and was basically dp free for those twenty years before this last relapse. So, yes, people do recover!!! I guess I have extra confidence that I will recover because I have done it before. When I was 17, it did take me a couple of years to fully recover but I did recover (without the help of anyone or anything except trial and error!) and dp was never something I even thought about after that.

I think the only reason that I got it again was because I panicked when it reared it's ugly head. The important thing to remember if, after recovering it comes on again is to not panic. Panicking seems to flip the switch in the brain to dp mode and it's hard to unflip that. Did you ever see one of those posters that have a 3D image in it. You stare at it for a long time and suddenly the image pops out? Well, once you see that image, it's hard to then not see it. That is how dp is, it's hard to not see something, especially when you trying not to see it. It's the strangest mind fuck.

Twenty years ago, no one knew what was wrong with me, including me. Not much was known about this disorder and a forum like this certainly did not exist. I am just so glad I found this site and the Wikipedia explanation of this disorder. This time, my hope is that by knowing and understanding how to manage this is, I am going to keep this from ever occurring again. I would say I am 80%-90% recovered at this point which I am very proud of because it has taken a lot of work to get here. I have also made myself a dp emergency kit for the future if this ever occurs again. If I can keep from panicking, I can rid myself of this forever and the kit was designed for me to do just that. In it contains: the dp manual (an absolute must for speedy recovery), my homemade self help tapes which remind me to not feel sorry for myself (another dangerous emotion which can cause a similar outcome as panic), a list of supplements and vitamins, meditation cds with guided imagery, therapeutic grade essential oils which calm the nervous system, my homemade flash cards with positive affirmations on them, a list of suggestions to ease anxiety and ways to distract myself, and a letter to myself that encourages me to stay calm and relaxed and reassures me that I can handle this. Since I don't really need the things in the box anymore, except occasionally, I keep it on shelf and have labeled it DP Calming Kit. It gives me comfort just knowing I have a support plan in place.

How you deal with feelings of dp when they first occur is of utmost importance. I know this from experience because there had been a few times in those dp free twenty years that I had it appear but I stopped it in it's tracks by going to sleep and ignoring it. One of the times I put in a movie and went to sleep, I was able to wake up and be completely fine. Another time I just stopped everything and went to bed as soon as I felt the dp sensation. Even as a 17 year old I remember explaining to the doctors that if I wouldn't have panicked, I don't think this would have happened. They didn't understand what I was even talking about. Follow your 6th sense, your gut instinct. If you have a hunch about any clues regarding dp, follow them and learn from them. Honor your gut instinct.

Why wasn't I able to avoid it a year ago and prevent it's return? Because I had the sensations linger on and off for about a week and was mostly able to ward them off by going to bed early etc. but because of the severe stress I was under, I ultimately panicked. I had not had them come on repeatedly like that and it through me off. They say hindsight is 20/20. Well what I should have done was made a severe life style change when the feelings started coming on, instead of ignoring my mind/body. I refused to think that I couldn't handle anything instead of listening to what my body was trying to tell me. At the time, I was not only taking care of my own children, ages 2 and 3 but also my sister's kids ages 3 and 4 as well as co-running a restaurant. Then I took a stressful trip home with my young children without the help of my husband. I thought I could handle it all but my body showed me otherwise. I should have told my sister that I couldn't watch her kids anymore (she had just moved here so I was helping her out because she is a single Mom), I should have holed up at home with movies and engaging projects and cancelled that trip which I knew may be stressful. Dp has a lot to teach... unfortunately it makes you learn the hardest way possible!!! I have changed my life during this last year. I say "no" a lot more to other people and have learned to honor my needs and wants. I think I am going to come out of this a more in tune person. It's ok to say no to everything, it's ok to not have to prove that you can do it all. It's more important to find joy in the simplest things. Yes, I am definitely learning this the hard way. I don't think I will forget these lessons this time!! This can feel like a painfully slow process most of the time and can be so utterly exhausting, especially at the beginning but RECOVERY CAN BE DONE! You almost have to look at it upside down and backwards while at the same time try to forget about it. You really can't go at this puzzle of dp logically. Read the dp manual and follow it's advice, find what works for you, start to identify and then avoid possible triggers, and if possible try to have fun with this process whenever you can and then not be too hard on yourself when you have little regressions. Remember, every thought you think creates your future. Be hyper aware of your thoughts, don't let those negative and hopeless thoughts in!!! Read only positive posts, be proactive, put the work into this so you can begin to turn it around. Each moment in life is a new beginning point. The past has no power over you! The minute before last has no power over you, this moment is the point of power! Little by little, tier by tier, you will get there.

I will leave you with a poem that I have memorized and recite to myself often: By Emily Dickenson "I gained it"

I gained it so --
By Climbing slow --
By Catching at the Twigs that grow
Between the Bliss -- and me --
It hung so high
As well the Sky
Attempt by Strategy --

I said I gained it --
This -- was all --
Look, how I clutch it
Lest it fall --
And I a Pauper go --
Unfitted by an instant's Grace
For the Contented -- Beggar's face
I wore -- an hour ago --