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Kitr

Member Since 07 Jul 2009
Offline Last Active Nov 15 2014 12:57 AM
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Topics I've Started

So here is my story (Please Read)

07 February 2011 - 04:19 AM

So i decided to write a more in depth story how my Depersonalization/Derealization and other symptoms happened.

Also before that i already had some problems with stomach and with food (mostly i was getting sleepy from it or gaining weight very fast or getting a feeling like i have too much water in my body and also i usually didnt go to the bathroom daily.. If i went to some strict diet it kinda helped.

I also have to say that i also experienced Depersonalzation/Derealization feelings even before i started smoking marihuana. It also happened when i was doing those out of body techniques and got scared because i wasnt sometimes prepared for it but the feelings lasted only a few seconds or a minute or two. (I did search some web and some people experience Depersonalization/Derealization in the moment of fear or a panic attack). I also experienced in the moment of getting scared for few seconds which many people experience so thats normal.

So around 2.5 years ago or so i decided to smoke marihuana few times. I never smoked it because i had any emotional problems or any other problems as some shrinks or other anti marihuana smokers say or claim that most marihuana smokers are just depressed people trying to escape reality lol. Lets say i smoked it because of my curiousity, (listening to music while high was always interesting because your mind reacts and receives music different and i mean in a good way) and yes i can say i had too much time in hands so i was worry free. I decided to pause i college for a year so i could have more time for myself and have some fun. There was also some months untill finishing High School but i knew i'lI do it with ease.Oh yea i was also always interested in energy work and astral projection or so called out of body experiences.Here is how it started :) (Some events might not be in order as its hard remember the details because it happened so long ago.) So yea i did oversmoke which was really stupid of me and ignorant but oh well.

So i was stupid and i almost always smoked very high doses of marihuana even if i knew my tolerance was very vey low and i didnt eat much those days (sometimes i was even fasting) and i was always a sensitve person which many times effects of the marihuana werent pleasant (many times i got pressure in the head after smoking and got it right after making a few puffs),i still think i could have encephalopathy or i could be poisoned because of those pesticides that some peopel spray on marihuana) and i did get scared a lot of times or anxious but the feeling of fear passed as the unpleasant effects of marihuana lowered..So one time i decided that i should do some out of body techniques while i was on marihuana and i did. I was focusing and imagening i'm going out of body and at the same time i was focusing on the third eye (forehead) at first i felt some kind of euphoira but later someone said i look like a dead person haha so i opened my eyes and really got scared of those feelings because when i opened my eyes and everything looked unreal my hand felt like it wasnt connected to me and it was just plain weird (Depersonalization/Derealization) i also heard that people also experience this on high doses of marihuana so i'm really not the only one anway so i got scared and my heart started pounding and feeling of fear was increasing but i somehow didnt have a panic attack or anything i just got scared or had an anxiety attack. I've had this feelings of detachment (depersonalization) for hours until i decided to go to sleep. So the next day i was still kinda weird like detached and numb in my emotions but wasnt anxious about it because i was kinda numb. I asked some heavy marihuana smokers if it ever happened to them and told them my symptoms and they said i'm just tired and i should stop smoking and it will go away. The first time it eventually did in few days and i was all back to normal. Then few weeks or days later i decided to smoke again and again smoked too much again for my tolerance. The mind was racing it was like very deep those who smoked marihuana probably know what i'm talking about.I think i also got feelings of depersonalization/derealization also sometimes without doing the out of body techniques or any other energy work because doses were really high for me. So i started getting feeling fear in my chest for no reason or tingling in my chest (those two went away later) and i felt weird again like i was numb in emotions like empty when i wasnt under the influence of marihuana. Also i got pressure in my head right after smoking and later it was just there which went away if i ate food in the morning. I still had to do some tests in school and i noticed that my concentration lowered and it was hard to remember things as before also i was kinda numb again or wasnt having emotional reactions to things as i used to but i didnt have any DP DR or it was very low DP DR i think. I first thought those effects were from smoking marihuana too much and that they will go away when i'll totatlly stop smoking as it did the first time it happened. So i smoked and smoked i can say there were some fun times but also bad times (feeling of fear again when smoking too high doses and experiencing out of body feelings again). I dont remember if i smoked before or after that but i do remember that i think i felt normal when i got the diploma or how do you call it for high school. So later on i smoked again and sometimes did out of body techniques and really got that depersonalization feeling again and got scared again so i decided to go to sleep again and it will pass. Next day i was all weird but i wasnt again anxious about it i was just asking others if they ever felt that way. Again it went away after 2 weeks or so. So the 3rd time i got this it was very very intense Depersonalization/Derealization was really intense also feeling numb in emotions was to the fullest , also first weeks i felt extreme saddnes for no reason like no one cares for me and so on even i knew thats not me and its not real and i started to getting reactions to food (massaging feeling in head,increase in DP/DR...) also my heart or my chest hurt.I stopped smoking completely after this happened i had also brain fog,pressure on forehead thru all day and so on but i didnt have any feelings of fear or anxiety only feeling of adrenaline which wasnt annoying and i didnt care for it.I do remember that i dont know when it happened first time or second time or 3rd time that when i wasnt smoking. one day i got like tickling sensation in my chest and i laughed or something felt funny for no reason and later i became even more numb (Those are actually kundalini syndrome simptoms but many people got really weird symptoms after not smoking marihuana or they had positive afterglow which some people describe thats what i also experienced one time) I started taking John Wort and drinking juices which in few months really cured of the horrible brain fog and the numbness in emotions kinda went almost away also DP DR was almost gone. I also started excersing which helped a lot but later stopped. But i was still drinking juices at mornings which helped. Then after a year of taking john wort i decided to stop taking it and stopped it cold turkey.
In the first week i got anxiety or feeling of fear again but it went away after a week. Then month by month i started noticing DP DR is kinda coming back or something i'm not sure but i do know that if i stopped drinking juices for few days it did get worse. So later on i met a girl that i really liked and i started to hang out with her and we were out for few days of not sleeping and i stopped drinking juices and so so on and i got the zombie numb feeling in emotions again and Depersonalization was kinda more intense and also i was getting more weird feeling and reactions to food i ate (increase in DP/DR,massaging feeling...). Then the more i hang out with this girl the more i stopped drinking juices,eating healthy and going to bed at proper times ( i did start getting back at the bed at proper times later). Some guy did Tree of life on me and as days passed i then also developed some new symptoms like pressure in the back of the head, feeling like my ears are filled with water and sometimes ringing in ears, also reactions to food increased even to those foods that i usually didnt have reactions to . I tried to start drinking juices again but even that increased my DP DR and pressure in head. Did the tree of life that some guy did on me really affect me like that or its just a conincidence?. I was just saying it will get better. Then until few months ago i got ill and my Depersonalization/Derealization increased which led to panic attack.After the panic attack i couldnt sleep for 3 days because everytime i would go to the moment when you just fall to sleep i would get increased heartbeating and starting to feel fear in my chest which could lead to panic attack but didnt. I really had to do something about because not sleeping for 3 days was just terrible. So i went to the doctors which gave me antibiotics (because of increased fever)and benzos (lexaurin). I took only one antibiotic and after an hour or so the DP DR and anxiety got even more intense. So later i took only one benzo pill which i didnt know was really high dose (3mg instead of normal 1.5mg) When i took it after 15 minutes it really calmed me down but it made me so drowsy and sleepy that i hardly walked. I also first got some kind of happines or euphoria from it then after 30mins or so i started to feel saddnes for no reason and then again normal state and went to sleep. After this benzo i had problems with my memory for 3 days which was really weird. Then after this event i started to get feeling fear and feeling saddnes thru day in waves for no reason at all and sometimes from food and also i got new symptoms like feeling burning pain in body from food. I started taking John Wort again month ago and its getting kinda better again and also i started taking B complex and vitamin D and soon i'll start taking Omega 3.

I just want to know why did i get pressure in my forehead many times after smoking marihuana and if its normal? Could i be poisoned by those pesticides, lead or have encephalopathy? Why do i have now reactions to food? (getting brain fog,pressure in head,anxiety, increased DP/DR... sometimes or some symptoms happen (usually massaging feeling,cross eyed feeling...)right when i put something in my mouth and some symptoms appear after 15 30 minutes or so) It happens on healthy diet too.

My DP DR is now in normal states it's really almost gone again but i'm still kinda numb in emotions but i do get feeling of fear and saddnes thru day which both of those affect my thinking (weird negative thoughts,suicidal thoughts which i know are just plain stupid) and also reactions to food are annoying. (lost of concentration,hard to think,more fear in chest after 15min 30min,burning feeling thru body cant really explain it,increased DP DR,massing feeling in forehead or feeling having crossed eyes.) it really depends on food what i eat. Also some symptoms are going away again slowy which is great.

I need some techniques or something how to cope with this fear that comes out of the blue and saddnes or wanting to cry but cant which also affects my thinking. The funny thing is that i dont know how to start should i do some anxiety techniques or depression techniques that help? Or should find the root of the cause and thats probably anxiety. I just cant understand why i'm getting feeling of saddnes thru day and wanting to cry but cant for no reason. I really need to rule out the encephalophathy and other related things like being poisoned by those pesticied or something similar.

The story i told is really not so in depth as i thought it would be but it's a rough story how it happened. Even i cant remember it so good becase it's been so long.

On low doses of smoking this weird depersonalization/derealization feelings almost never happened but i did almost always get pressure in my forehead. It started happening when i was really smoking high doses or doing energy work or so called out of body techniques while being under the influence of marihuana. (which is also sometimes usual to experience those feelings in some people on high doses)
So the question is why did i develop depersonalization/derealization and all those symptoms? Was it from doing out of body techniques while i was high or from anxiety attacks or could i poisoned myself with those pesticides, lead or have encephalopathy? It could be that i might have kundalini syndrome as i was talking to some kundalini master and he did say that my energy is out of its balance few nodal points or something like that. But you i also take this with a little bit of salt but yea it could be but the point is that i have to get out of it. So maybe i really induced this by myself and triggers myself some kind of trauma as my mind couldnt cope with so many fears or anxiety attacks i got so many times from those out of body techniques and high doses.

The thing is that sometimes i just get scared by thinking what if i'll not be myself again or this or that. Or what if if go crazy and other stuff which most anxious people do or DP DR people.

But i started thinking only now when i got anxiety and depression from the panic attack, before that i wasnt even anxious when i had DP/DR and pressure in head and so on.

Being numb in emotions or not feeling normal emotions is really weird its like you know you like something but you cant feel it emotinaly.I did get better the first time and i hope it will get better now also. reactions to food are also weird maybe its allergies, poisoning or encephalopathy also because i have lots of allergies and maybe that increased.I also noticed that everything high in sugar or things that raise sugar give me more DP DR or massaging feeling in head or other symptoms but even if its low sugar or no sugar it still happens.

Most people just say go visit a professional. I already did and they said its anxiety and just gave me meds which didnt take and that was it. In our country the give meds like candy and dont really care for the side effects and reasons why it happened how it happened or give any second opionion what other stuff might help.

I dont want to take synthetic meds as i'm afraid they would make my DP DR anxiety or depression worse or just mask the symptoms while in later time making it worse. Because if i'm now so sensitive to food i'm sensitive to meds too. If i did get better without any of it i'll get better again.

Also in our country there arent any psychotherapist that know depersonalization/derealization but they have experience mostly with anxiety and panic attacks and depression. Also i just get angry when people who never smoked marihuana are talking all those weird stuff about it. It really isnt for everyone but claiming that people who smoke marihuana are actually people who are running from reality is just ignorant. Also when i tell them that i got them from marihuana they also think i'm one of them that smoked it because of earlier problems or something similar which is just BS. I do agree that i abused it and if i wouldnt smoked it on so high doses i wouldnt get this and sometimes smoked it for fun but i always knew abusing it is really bad and i did it for so long until i got this because i also thought all those symptoms (DP,DR,anxiety...) would go away when i'll stop smoking after they did earlier but they kinda didnt. So now i have to find a way to fight thru it and get cured.

So here are some points:

From smoking too many times and too much (i also got pressure in forehead many times when smoking my friends got this too and some even had brain fog for few days and that was exact thing that happened first few times i smoked) and getting anxiety attacks many times and doing sometimes out of body techniques i got Depersonalization/Derealization and reactions to food that were like massaging feeling in head,cross eyed feeling,pressure in forehead,increased brain fog... In the first few weeks my heart and chest hurt but it did go away as also the adrenaline feeling went away(this adrenaline wasnt affecting my thinking so i didnt care for it). So the only thing i had was Depersonalization/Derealization and being numb or feeling empty and having reactions to food.

After a year or so when i was like cured and stopping taking John Wort, Drinking Juices and going to bad habits (eating junk food, not sleeping right...) the DP/DR feeling were kinda coming back month by month very slow and also somehow reactions to food increased.

Some guy also did something called tree of life (clearing chakras and so on) and after that i got new symptoms that week like pressure in the back of the head, reactions to foods that i usually didnt have (more DP DR,pressure in head,massaging feeling...). Also when i tried to start drinking juices i had even more DP/DR. Maybe its just coincidence that this happened or did this energy healing affected me?

Then few months ago i got flu and i ate food that usually increases my DP DR but the DP DR increased so much that i suffered a panic attack and few days later anxiety sky rocketed. So i went to the doctors which gave me antibiotics which made my DP DR even worse and gave me some weird symptoms (burning feeling thru body) and increased my anxiety. So later i took only one benzo pill which was 3mg instead of 1.5mg and it calmed me down but after 30mins or so after taking it i started to feel some kinda of intense saddnes for no reason but then it went away.

After this which i didnt tell earlier i also went to two energy healers. First healer did some mix of reiki and other stuff and the next 3 days were really intense (maybe it was from the flu or reiki healing). I was sweating, couldnt sleep, had weird thoughts,felt saddnes again for no reason and so on. Then i later i went to another healer which did same thing but it was the same story i think. So i still dont know what really caused that depression really.

After all this i started getting weird symptoms when i ate food. It felt like a burning weird annoying feeling thru all my body when i ate. It lasted for months. So i slowly went to a healthy diet and it started to go away slowly. Was this from the benzo? antibiotic? who knows? I still get it sometimes it depends on the food.

So at first i only had DP/DR and reactions to food, but now i also have anxiety and depression and increased reactions to food and new symptoms that come in waves thru day and probably came from panic attack, or from healing or both.

Now i'm kinda getting better my DP/DR is back to tolerable levels but it gets increased sometimes when feeling of fear comes thru day for no reason and also depression later comes for no reason or trigger at all. Both Fear and Depression (feeling of intense saddnes and wanting to cry but cant) affect my thinking. But i only think weird stuff when i get them. If they arent there i'm usually numb and think why i was even thinking like that. But i'm kinda afraid what if it will get worse or something. Because now i have DP/DR, Anxiety,Depression and reactions to food which is really annoying at least anxiety, depression and reactions to food. I'm really used to DP DR and its tolerable but its just weird when i get reactions to food like brain fog,i lose concentration,anxiety,massaging feeling in head,cross eyed feeling,increased DP/DR.

I just want to know why i get those reactions even if its healthy food (fruits...) I do think i still could be something like encephalopathy or poisoning or something similar. Also i dont get anxious when i get those reactions from food but sometimes i do get frustrated and have enough of this.

So what do you think? Are reactions to food related to DP/DR or besides getting DP/DR i could get something else also? (Encephalopathy,poisoning...)

If anyone has any tips please tell them.

Thanks!!!

Depersonalization Recovery

24 January 2011 - 05:37 AM

Hey guys check this out!!! :)

http://depersonalizationrecovery.com/

I'm kinda thinking of buying it.

Anyone else feeling fear or saddnes in their chest for no reason?

02 January 2011 - 06:20 AM

Anyone else feeling fear or saddnes in their chest for no reason? anyone? I'm like DP DR free but every since i became ill and got panic attack and took benzo (it really helped me and gave me euphoira then later i started to feel saddnes) and antibiotics i get this waves of depression thru day that comes from nowhere. Its almost unbearable and very annoying. How do you copy with this? Anyone please? Now i'm thinking about suicide becauase these saddnes feeling is so annoying and anxiety also because it makes my DP DR more intense but then gets back to normal. Also i get reactions to food so thru day its a rollercoaster for me (Sometimes feeling fear sometimes feeling saddnes sometimes feeling weird feeling thru body because of food Anyone please?

Please post your experiences with natural and synthetic drugs

30 December 2010 - 07:02 AM

So i'm like DP DR free but i need some opinion what works great for anxiety and depression? I get this from food or thru day for no reason at all it just comes and goes. I got this after i had panic attack when i got ill 2 months ago.

Thanks!!!

How do you cope with anxiety or depression

02 December 2010 - 03:32 AM

So after i got ill and got a panic attack i got my anxiety back and now i get depression for no reason.

So how do you cope with it if its very strong?

I also started taking john wort again because i think it helped to get like 80% DP DR free!!!

Thanks!!!