WANTTOBEBETTER - Viewing Profile: Likes - Depersonalization Community

Jump to content


Please Read the Community Forum Guidelines Before Posting.


WANTTOBEBETTER

Member Since 04 May 2009
Offline Last Active Nov 30 2012 07:17 PM
***--

#183601 Greetings all ,,Need advice or someone willing to listen to a hopeless soul

Posted by WANTTOBEBETTER on 03 March 2010 - 09:46 AM

Hello mzlove,

I completely identify with what you are going through. Sounds like derealization caused by anxiety. I have the same symptoms. Things look weird, cartoonish, scary, different, unexplainable. Try yor best not to focus on these symptoms, believe me the more you try to analyze, worry, and fear it, the worse it will get. Try to eliminate all stressors in your life and do things for yourself and the better you will be. This condition seems to be on a spectrum of severity. You are on it, your goal is to be on the low end.

Alot of people on here first experience this in their first experiences of University life. It is a very stressful time, trying to meet new friends, fitting in, the shock of how hard the coursework is, financial problems, leaving home. In addition having social anxiety makes it all the worst.

You will get through this, talk to you doctor about your meds. Lexapro may not be for you but there are tons of different types out there. Everyone is different in their reaction. It is trial and error.

I and the rest of this community are behind you. You are not alone.

Be strong.
Greg


#183447 This sucks

Posted by WANTTOBEBETTER on 01 March 2010 - 02:42 PM

I thought that this would be easy or at least, there would be a period of relief but there is no remorse from whatever this condition is. There seems to be subtle changes in my fears and anxiety but for the most part, the anxiety continues in its vicious cycle. It keeps creating more fear and more disturbing thoughts about uncertainty. I hate to be pessimistic but I don't have anyone to talk to about this.

Today, I had a panic attack whilst out with my mate and I tried to manage it. I couldn't think straight and felt that so hopeless as if I wasn't there anymore. I feared death and all the recurring thoughts about physical symptoms flooded back in.

The tension headaches, the general anxiety, the distorted hearing, the morning fatigue, the changing moods - I seriously wonder if it's only anxiety? Really?

When there's relief, there always seems to be the impenetrable anxiety of everything waiting around the corner. I don't know what to do. To add to that, university is just starting and I wonder if I can take it on. I'm waiting for therapy and am seriously contemplating the use of medication which I'll ask my GP (yet again). What is happening?

I'm now trying to quit cigarettes again, going cold turkey. This will be a wild ride.

Any inspiration, comments, help would be great.. I feel helpless.


Hi Coeus,
Right now you are in a battle for your life. Quiting smoking cigarettes is going to add so much stress to what you already have which is ubearble. Years ago I told my psychologist I wanted to quit smoking and he said I was choosing the wrong battle at this time to fight. Getting through your mental health issue is far more important right now. Smoking is terrible and will definitely kill you, but your mental health symptoms are the most acute at the moment. I used to really rely on smoking, it calmed me, and gave me a distraction, I enjoyed it. Four years ago I felt strong and wanted to live to see my little girls get old so I took the plunge. I did not do cold turkey. I used the patch all the way through the program. And I haven't smoked since.

Do it when you are strong and ready. Do it the correct way. And be commited. It was one of the hardest thing I have ever done. Fighting addiction and Dp/DR at the same time is horrible. But I did it and so can you.

Good luck friend.
Greg


#182555 This isn't normal is it?

Posted by WANTTOBEBETTER on 17 February 2010 - 04:45 PM

In the past couple of months I have had some really weird symptoms happening and I have come to grow pretty positive that they are not part of the normal dp experience. I need confirmation of that though. My symptoms are:

1. Changes in vision- my dp is typically 2-d and recently has been 3-d most of the time but I also get times where my vision becomes distorted. It is like my eyes are seeing at two different depths and I am not able to focus.

2. Changes in perceptions- "Where I am"/the feeling of the atmosphere of the room I am in changes all of the time. Like once half an hour. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the same house, sometimes it feels like a different house, sometimes it feels like another planet, sometimes it feels like a dream.

3. Changes in my sense of self- overall, I feel like one person but sometimes that changes and I feel like I don't know who I am or I get this heightened sense of awareness and I feel like I am becoming someone else. This COULD be me reconnecting with my pre dp self but I am not sure.

4. Everything else- sometimes my though patterns change. They will become fast, irrational, I won't remember or understand who close family members are, everything that used to bring me comfort no longer does. There are so many other things that happen that I just cannot describe.


Is this part of the normal dp experience or is it something more? I am convinced that I need to see a neurologist and with the way things have been going lately, I need to see someone soon. Its bringing me massive anxiety.


I'm no doctor but I have read enough around this site and others and everything you described sound like what we all are suffering from, DP/DR. I don't understand why you think any of it is " not part of the normal dp experience " The vision thing is one of my primary concerns, the 2-d/3-d thing. Depth perception issues. We are not the only two I have seen on here that has this identical complaint. The rest sound like classic depersonalization, unfamiliar surroundings, unfamiliar people and family. This sounds like every other post on this site. I haven't heard anything that leads me to believe you are suffering from anything other than DP/DR,depression,anxiety, and some pure-O just like me.

This is just my opinion though. I do hope you feel better, you have a long happy life ahead of you. This will get better for you. I have read your posts and You are close to beating this thing and I believe you can. Alot of ups and downs. I know it's hard. Just come out of that tree onto the playground. Be strong.

Greg


#182301 Please just need some comfort

Posted by WANTTOBEBETTER on 15 February 2010 - 11:53 AM

[quote name='coeus' date='15 February 2010 - 10:29 AM' timestamp='1266247781' post='182298']
Hey all. Thanks a bunch for the replies. Even though it's me whinging, it really helps that I'm not alone.

I'm really just going to relax and get some sleep. I think I'm putting more pressure on my body and mind by wanting to recover quickly. I feel somewhat that the brain fog is less thick now. As for the tension in my head, I've tried to acknowledge that it's there and not negatively react to it. But as I keep wanting a fast recovery and observing if there is any recovery, I'm putting my mind into more strife. I'm taking a combination of supplements and just letting them slide into my natural regime of daily life, instead of forcing some sort of hope onto them.


No, I have never tried clonazepam. I am going to try it if my Dr. will allow. I have been on SSRI's for over 10 years. Prozac. Supposedly helps with depression. My biggest complaint is my anxiety, and no doctor I have been to has ever adressed it. Just the Prozac type meds. My current doctor has me on gabapentin which is said to help with anxiety and the OCD. I have been on them for months with no relief or benefit.

I have lived many years with DR/DP, anxiety, depression, pure-o, etc... (from about 10 years old to now 37) I have had about 5-6 serious bouts of this, mainly when life gets to rough. What a time for more problems to show up eh?!?! But mostly able to cope and keep it in the background or less severe. I have a bachelors degree in business, I have worked all my life, done everything I wanted, never held back by my illness. But I believe I brought this most recent "severe episode" on myself. I have been unhappy with the monotony and pressures in adult life. Taking care of kids, having no fun. Doing the same thing week after week after week. Work all week then take care of kids and cleaning house, cutting grass, repairs, etc.. on the weekend. No fun or escape for Dad - I am so sick of Spongebob Squarepants and Barney. (My wife works weekends and nights, I work M-F 7-5). Life should be more. (I love my wife and kids more than anything) Work all year and take a couple weeks vacation year after year. I guess I sound like a baby or being selfish, but this shit will wear you out.

So I started looking for the old sysmptoms and wheteher I still had them. Started to analyze everthing again and scaring myself. I spent over a month analyzing my life and sorting out when I had DR and when I didn't. I got stuck into the belief I was always like this and would never escape. I tried not to think of things but my shoulders were so tense and I was grinding my teeth. My mind was bent on self destruction. I could not avoid it. Along with this came the strange dreamlike and weird feelings.Unreality!! The world started to look strange, scary weird ,again (hazy, glass barrier, weird, differnt blah,blah,blah...). This made my anxiety a billion times worse. Circle of misery. This is proof to me that stress and depression can induce this state or bring it from the background to the forefront in severity. Depression and anxiety will wreck havoc on you brain chemistry. The rest becomes a massive mind trick, confusing. That was a year ago. I am slowly coming back to sanity and my previous thoughts and fears are not as strong and possibly not even worth worrying about. DP/DR causes some simple stupid thought and feelings to become something to battle with- most people will shrug it off and say so what. I can not.

In summary, if I can knock out the remaining anxiety I believe I can kill the derealization and live a normal life. I am going to take an agressive step and ask for clonazepam to see if I can get some relief. I have no issue with drugs or alchohol (haven't touched anything for over 20 years and then only a couple times), I am not suicidal. I believe my doctor may agree to prescribe this to test the waters. Scared of the dependence factor but if it works I don't give a shit.

Sorry for the rambling.
Greg


#181993 Can you really recover?

Posted by WANTTOBEBETTER on 10 February 2010 - 02:50 PM

Why didn't you explain that at first?I can only say that i'm happy for you,it's good to know when one of us recovers from DP and or DR,but honestly i don't remember calling you baby or any other names.


Mario,
You are definitely not a baby. You are one of the nicest, wisest, and strongest people here.
Thank you for your support, friend.

Greg


#181804 What is DP/DR like for you?

Posted by WANTTOBEBETTER on 08 February 2010 - 10:13 AM

But in a way it makes me calm. When Im too embroiled in life, I deliberately induce this DP to space myself out.
And then because it doesn't matter in this ghostly plane anyway, I try to drown in the details of life. Anyway, these memes are devoid of real meaning. Might as well let the animal part of me enjoy them.



Very introspective. I personally think that I go into this state of mind or "ghostly plane" when I am not happy with my life. Every point I can remember when my DR became unbearable and I instantly went into this state was when I was struggling with real life issues. This is an escape. Is it comfortable? A nice vacation? Hell no! When you are like this does real life bother you as much? Nope.

Tell me Levine, How do you deliberately induce you DP? You can turn this switch on and off?

Thanks,
Greg


#180643 Here are brain scans

Posted by WANTTOBEBETTER on 20 January 2010 - 03:24 PM

I've actually posted that before. It would be nice if one of the dp researchers would take those images and come up with a medication that targets those areas that have imbalances.


Thank you so much for the post. I am going to print it out and take it to my psychiatrist. It does say some Benzo's and SSRI's are the only thing known that is somewhat effective. I agree tinyfairypeople, I wish they would come up with the solution medicine to correct this imbalance. Seems like a perfect example of a chemical or sometype of imbalance, they know the problem now I hope they can fix it. But I guess the same could be said for AIDS, cancer and the like. I wish I was born 500 years from now when the solutions will be found. Why should so many people suffer with the technology we have?

I like this evidence because it proves a physical origin to our illness, not an emotional malfunction. I am perfectly healthy emotionally. What is bothering me is something that I don't control or asked for disrupting my one chance at a peaceful life.

Greg


#179773 Hello Fellow sufferers

Posted by WANTTOBEBETTER on 08 January 2010 - 03:59 PM

Hello, My name is Greg. I am 37. I have been going throught this since I was around 10. Some times free, and other times burdened with more than I can carry. I have poseted in other forums but found this one the most like me. I have been viewing this site for about a year and finally decided to introduce my self. My Derealization varies in intensity and the last year has been unbearable. I know I can cause it to elevate or reduce by my reaction to it.It is so hard though constantly having this in the background. I am on alot of differnt meds and supplements- none help. I wake up thinking about it and go to bed with it. It has robbed me of my quality of life and happiness.

I suffer from GAD,OCD,depression,DR,DP and who knows what else. What is the most disturbing is the feeling that I am on drugs without touching anything for over 25 years (only smoke pot 3-4 times and done 1/2 hit of acid one time) and that with the DR there is a strange visual aspect to it (hazy, barrier, flat, 2-d, fake, weird, scary, dark). I look at my hand and think it looks fake. What worries me most is that I am stuck in this hell because of those drugs that I did 25 years ago. Then I get reasonable and logical and realize that I was in and out of this state long before I ever touched anything. Things looked weird and I had altered perception and irrational thoughts when I was a little kid. I need to sort this out. I do not want to be a victim of HPPD. All the other stuff is bad enough. Is this stuff normal for people with DP/DR?

I, like others, feel like I am in a dream, everything is an illusion, this is all a result of my own imagination. I can turn any thought into a fear. I one read that having DP/DR was like being in a fish bowl or like being in a vacuum. From that time on I have questioned what is air and the space in between two objects, there should be something there??? It really freaks me out and I can't live with these thoughts. Someone once asked me why the sky was blue? Now I always look at the sky and think it looks so fake and weird. What is wrong with me!!!!

I hope to meet friends with like experiences, words of wisdom and comfort. Please be patient with me I tend to obsess and worry. I am also a good listener and understanding. I've been through it all.

On the outside I am friendly, smart, and fun. I have accomplished much in my life, but I just can't deal with this illness alone.

Greg



I want to be at peace with my world for once.
  • likes this