WANTTOBEBETTER - Viewing Profile: Posts - Depersonalization Community

Jump to content

Please Read the Community Forum Guidelines Before Posting.


Member Since 04 May 2009
Offline Last Active Nov 30 2012 07:17 PM

Posts I've Made

In Topic: Tracers/Trails/Ghosting getting bad at times

21 July 2010 - 01:52 PM

First off I do not know what to call it. "trails" "tracers" "ghosting" or whatever. Its basically motion blur, which is normal. But normally you only see so much of it and the trail only goes for so long. Lately even when i'm just distracted and not thinking about DP at all this effect will make me think of DP. It is quick to startle me.

A prime example is today I was going to go to the bathroom at work and wasn't thinking about anything but going to the bathroom..... I started walking to the door in this dimly lit room and I went to reach for the door knob and as I ***watched my hand come up to the door knob (note that the door, floor, and all suroundings are dark with the dim light reflecting off my hand/arm) I instantly became aware of how much damn "trailing" was coming off of my arm. The door knob is chrome and as I opened the door I could see the repeated shine and door knob move through the dark.

The worst of it is when i'm not even thinking about it but almost like a single "ghost" catches me off guard. So in this case I saw and after image of my arm lag (in time) well enough behind that it pulled my attention to it.

If anybody has any input on this or can relate i'd like to hear it. I know somebody has posted to me before that they get this. It seems to be getting worse.

I made these images really quick. They are crappy but kind of demonstrate it a bit.

It should be noted that I get ghosting on slow moving objects. If I don't follow the object with my eyes but just move it around I can see blurry ghosting coming off of it.

Posted Image

This one is like if its night time and you wave a shiney spoon around in your kitchen. Wherever the light hits strongly (highlights) there are trails.

Posted Image

***On a side note. Normally I would just do things with out really looking, but for some reason since DP/DR I look at what my hands are doing a lot more now. I watch my own actions a lot more instead of just blindly doing them. So strange....

Great pictures simulating your visual disturbances. How do you do this, no I don't to know, to techno for me. At least you do have skills at photo editing! I get the same thing as you, we are the same, and I hate it for both of us.


In Topic: Tracers/Trails/Ghosting getting bad at times

21 July 2010 - 01:48 PM

Hi Bluetank,

I get these also, we have talked about this subject before. I see the same thing as your excellent picture of the hand moving toward the doorknob, except the trails,afterimage,slow motion appearance is usually white in color no matter what is moving. It only happens in dim lighting. In the sunshine or in a store, or when the lights are on I dont get it. When I wild into a fairly dim room, as I go throught the door, I get and instant afterimage of the white door jamb, and it goes away in instantly. I watch people walk by me and try to see if I see their trail behind them, sometimes I am looking so hard I see what I dont want to see. I am always waving my hand in front of my face slowly and fast in all types of light to see if I see any thing, I never do though. I do look at my hand and feel it looks weird or fake. I do see sometimes things being a differnt color for a split second than it really is (for example, I look down at a peice of paper and see a spot of yellow. and the other day I was looking at my wife hair and saw some of it as blue. Weird) I don't see stuff like this all the time, but when I do I obsess over it. I scares me to think that this could be the result of taking LSD (only a 1/2 of peice) one single time 20 years ago, or possibly from smoking weed about three times at the same age. HPDD? God I hope not. This has a possible link to OCD and DR. Once you look for something you really start to notice it, which is normal for everone else. I had a psychologist once describe panic attacks and GAD not being familiar with you surroundings and focusing on outlines of objects ( Ihave not noticed this before) but now I still cant stop seeing this and scaring myself. Most of my symptoms are because I have read something or someone mentioned to me as a possible symptom or orgin of what I have (DR,anxiety, depression,and OCD) From childhood on I could tell you a million thoughts, perceptions, fears, and obsessions (ruminations) Any one without these symptoms can see it to if they wave their hand quickly and look for it. I think it is your brain being slowed down and the connection from eye to brain is not instant, but a little delayed. I used to smoke cigarettes a while ago. When I smoked in the dark I too my cigarette and made zig zag or random patterns or circles and the glow would stay for and instant or if I did it in a circle it I watched the action and the movement of the real glow and then instantly an a trail of red would follow the same path to the exact resting spot. (Kind of like 4th of July sparklers moving in circles but more delayed) Another thing that bothers me is in the dark, and using a cell phone, If I look at the display (mine is blue) in motion I see a blur of blue follow it wherever I move it. I get the sparks out of nowhere (gold colored)(tiny). I see static when I look in the blue sky or white surface (little squiggles also - white blood cells rushung through capillaries). Double vision while looking at the flat screen TV, and hundreds more. Floaters ect... (I had an eye doctor look at my eyes and before the exam he said I probably had alot of floaters because my eyes are soo blue, I was amazed. I was soo relieved to find out that this was normal. I could write a book on all my perceptions. Why i Say OCD because of the constant checking and perhaps are we making some of this up by super analyzing it? Believe it or not I did not get alot of my syptoms until I read it on here and the HPPD forum. Am I a hypochondriac? Maybe. Or am I really seeing these thing, I believe I am. Sometimes when I see a visual disturbance in my periphial (sp?) vision, I think here we go again , and I look and it is some thing real like a cat walks by.( I thought it was some of these weird visuals.) This thing has me all messed up. Another visual disturbance is things look flat or 2D sometimes 3D. The outside world looks weird or fake, when I look out the window it is even worse. I question what is space(air and the void in between objects -- I got this when I read a book saying that DR is like beeing in a vacuum, so I over analyzed it until I got this irrational thinking. How did we get here. There could be nothing blackness no life no existence but we are here. Scares the shit out of me. Does these things bother anyone else? probably not. If a normal person has these thought the dismiss them quickly. Trees and people appear flat or sticking out at me. I talked to another girl on here who had the exact same thing (the trees looking flat and 2d vision) on this site and it was her primary concern with her DR, and she has never done any drugs.

Has anyone else reading this have visuals disturbances while never doing drugs??

Like I say I am a 37 year old male. I have a tiny bit of experimentation when I was 16 (above) and I am afraid some of my symptoms are caused by this. But then I tell my self I had many similar symptoms, before I did the drugs (once again I could decribe many visual disturbances before that scared me just as bad. The worst thing for me back then and now isnthat life is not real or a dream and any thing out of the usual reinforces the fact of this. So maybe the drugs enhanced my DR maybe not. Maybe my DR is escalting on its own causing a new set of symptoms, matbe this is all a result of being so suggestible and hyper-vigilant.

I asked my current psychiatrist (sp?) if their could be a link after all these years or I permantly damaged my brain and I will always live in insane land. He said no, the drugs do put you in an imbalance with your serotonin levels, but not after all these years, and he dismissed it totally. He said with the medication that we are working on is trying to regulate the same thing that a drug will affect - serotonin and dopamime.
If anyone is interested I can list my medications.

I feel alot better than a year ago, but some things wont go away. Obsessions, visuals, existential thinking, high anxiety (GAD), and depression.

I had a great weekend, I did not notice any of these problems. I was happy being with my family, and so far this week every thing is ok. If I see something it's ok with me, I am not going to let it bother me. I think the Luvox and Klonopin is helping with relaxing me, and taking away some of the Obsessions. I feel real, the world feels real. I can probably conjure up these things again by thinking about them and looking for things to drive me insane, but I am trying not to. Easier said than done.

For me this thing is a result of a chemical imbalance, I can't recall any trauma, was never a heavy drug user, or any of the other causes. Happy childhood. Mental illness is genetic, on my mothers side, everyone has or had some sort of mental imbalance. So it must be chemical or something even deeper like abnormal structure of our chromosomes and DNA strands, who knows. Maybe they will find an answer to mental illness in our lifetime and find a way to cure us. I have had it all my life and will have it the rest. All I can do is to make the best of what I got, no matter how hard it is and not fall into the mind tricks.

Always willing to talk.


In Topic: Quick mock up of visual disturbances

09 July 2010 - 03:07 PM

Well my dp was cannabis induced, and this visual stuff is known as HPPD... Like dp, not much is known about it. Dp can occur alongside it but they are two seperate things. In my opinion it is just hyper-awareness, hyper-sensitivity. Some part of the brain is overactive... Youre not damaged, and its not permanent. Everyone gets trails, everyone gets squigglies, and i have a feeling everyone sees static, they just dont care and aré not overtly sensitive to it like we aré. If you think about it, these are normal visual phenomena. Overtime it will fade. I had really bad light sensitivity when my dp started but it went away. Nature will become moré real as you understand dp moré, and fear it less. I apologize for the accent marks, my iPod is set to spanish lol.

Thanks Bear!

In Topic: My DP came on....

09 July 2010 - 02:34 PM

I have had this for most my life, maybe the entire life, I am 37. Real bad in preteen and teen years, until I found the love of my life. It stayed at such a low level that I forgot about it, certain things would aggrivate it to elevate it but I brushed it aside and moved on. I was so happy with my girlfriend. One day in college, the alarm clock went off one morning and I said to myself that I didn't want to go on. I was depressed and just beaten down by life. I did not want to get out of bed but I went ahead and went to class. In the middle of psychology class I had an extreme panic attack out of nowhere. Like a switch turned off in my brain. Every thing got dark. Looking out the windows was bizarre everthing was fake, I wanted to run out of the room, My head was spinning, I felt like I was in a dream or on drugs. I was scared. Every thing seemed different. Worst thing is I knew it was back. Panic attack set off my DR. Panic attack was due to depression and stress due to some problems in my life at the time. I don't feel like I have recovered to this day. Maybe it is even progressing. That is why I am on this forum.

In Topic: Quick mock up of visual disturbances

09 July 2010 - 01:55 PM

Is your DP/DR drug induced? If so, what kind of drug and how long ago. I was wondering if these visuals could be common to those who never used drugs. Does this happen?, is is it true in every case of non-drug induced DR/DP? I did a little bit of drugs (couple times weed, and once 1 piece of acid) over 20 years ago, and I get these same visuals. I hope I have not damaged myself with those experiments. Believe it or not, I would find relief to know this is common to non-drug induced DP/DR sufferers. I get slight trails in certain light (I wave my hand in front of my face like an idiot to see if I see it. Self checking rituals., star bursts or glare of cars and street lights, sparkles, floaters, and static when I look at the sky (also the little squiggly things that move in strange patterns -- white blood cells moving throught the capillaries. I forget what you call this.) Often 3D, or 2D vision. People and trees look flat to me. Double vision, sometimes terrible afterimages (this is my worst visual disturbance). The outlines of things bother me and I believe these objects are or should be stuck to their background. What seperates the two? Sometimes people look like they are in front of fake backgrounds (superimposed) on TV and in real life. Light seems yellow to me. Classic living in a haze or veil. Some invisible barrier between me and everything else. I like others feel everything looks weird (especially outdoors) or fake. I question the space between two objects and wonder what is there, or should be there. Overthinking? I have the common existential thinking. Alot of things scare me outerSpace, proof of God, death, the afterlife? I also am baffled by where does outerspace end and what is beyond that. Weird unwanted thoughts. All of this gets worse when my anxiety (GAD), depression, and OCD elevates -- thus worse DR symptoms. Alot of these visuals almost completely go away when I am at a low level of DR - but still self checking. Maybe all this is all in my head something that I heard and created for my self? I do remember as a kid seeing the light as hazy and yellow, terrible anxiety, depression, extreme existential thinking, and I would look at my hand and think it just looked weird or fake. Everything lead me to believe I was in a dream or the world was not real. this was long before my drug experiments (no bad or scary trips).

Sorry about the rambling.

My main inquiry is, is all this stuff considered regular DP/DR or only happens to those with drug DR? IF you never have taken drugs do you get these strange Visuals? I hope I have not damage my self forever and will have to live like this until I die or it gets worse.