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Member Since 27 Feb 2009
Offline Last Active Jul 06 2011 10:01 PM

Posts I've Made

In Topic: I'm done

05 August 2010 - 12:22 AM

Thanks for the replies. Sorry if it came across as I was going to peace out and do something stupid. I more or less just meant that I am sick of feeling like this and feel completely stuck. My brain is stuck in this repeating pattern of dp that is so hard to shake. I haven't had one of my "moments of clarity" in a long time. Those little tidbits would be faint, but at least give me some insight into how life could be. Sometimes I feel I've missed the boat and there's no going back, I'm permanently messed, but of course that's not true. There is always tomorrow to do something different. I guess my problem is that I don't do anything different and am frustrated when nothing changes. Who'd a thought? Doing the same damn thing will provide the same damn results. I need to shake something up in my life. But what?

In Topic: Decision making

23 July 2010 - 12:23 AM

Please say someone can relate to this?

I can relate only too clear. I am notorious for overanalyzing things to the point that I just simply can't make a decision. And for most of my life, I have not made decisions. I was so wrapped up in as you said, determining which was the right decision, that I couldn't just make a decision and move on with it. It led me to have virtually no life. I was reactive, instead of proactive. I can't say that I changed much, but I have realized that I can make decisions, and whether or not they are "right or not so right" I can deal with the consequences and move forward. But that bugs the crap out of me. I think, think, think, and don't generally go with my feelings. My husband on the other hand I think is a little too liberal in making decisions and sometimes does so rashly. We are opposite ends of the spectrum! I thought something was terribly wrong with me and thought wow this guy knows how to do these simple things I never knew how to do. Ha! And they are simple! I thought life was so much more difficult than it really has to be. I don't know what I was expecting, but man my little brain never let up. I am the thinker, and he is the doer. I think too much before I speak and he just speaks. We joke that I am the book smart one and he is the street smart one. For those that deal with DP its like there is a filter over our actions that are preventing us from really living our lives. I'm guess what I'm trying to say is your definitely not alone in your observation on this one!

In Topic: I'm new...

02 June 2010 - 11:43 PM

I obsess about being in a relationship because somehow I feel that being close to another person will replace the disconnect I feel from myself. But now depression, anxiety and depression and DP affect my life so bad that I'm afraid that no one would want to be with someone with problems like me and that I'm doomed to be alone....that thought just gave me so much anxiety that I don't even want to keep thinking because I feel that it's going to make me feel crazy. Maybe I'll tell more later...

Hi! Welcome to the forum. Isn't it amazing and bizarre that others feel the same way? I honestly thought I was the only one in the world that felt like this. It's intersting you say that you 'obsess about being in a relationship because somehow I feel that being close to another person will replace the disconnect I feel from myself.' I was the same way. I ended up marrying the first guy I dated for fear that I needed someone else to make me complete and because I was afraid of being alone. Also, I thought no one would understand what the heck I was talking about and he seemed to be okay with it. Looking back, big mistake. :) I have found that I have still felt alone, if not more alone and only recently have told myself that I need to be happy with myself and feel good about myself before anything else in my life is going to work. Now I'm having feelings of needing my space- to be on my own, but I'm not sure if those are legitimate feelings. I honestly have led no life and keep wanting to break through that barrier that seems to be holding me back. Anyway, just know that you truly are not alone in feeling this way and there are many supportive people if you ever need to talk. Take care.

In Topic: I need a hug

02 June 2010 - 11:29 PM

I am a huge physical touch person. I love being touched, hugged, massaged, held. It's all good. I have none of that and I feel like I am going to die if I am not held soon. I'm seriously thinking that, despite being married, I need a boyfriend. My husband treats me like a room mate and avoids physical contact. I am talking side stepping me in the hallway to avoid touching me. Earlier his arm brushed mine and it was like feeling the sun hit your face. It was then that I realized just how straved for affection I am. <_<

I can definitely understand your pain. I, too, am married and thought that by being married I would always have someone to 'cuddle' with. But my husband is similar, in that he is 'anti-cuddling'. No touch, no nothing. It's isolating and hurtful. When I ask to get close he complains and says its just not his thing. Yeah, we have found ourselves in the same 'roommate' relationship. I'm trying to figure out a way to change that.

In Topic: MY story.. (another new guy)

01 June 2010 - 02:23 AM

I'm sure it has been discussed here before but do any of you think this 'disorder' might just be the effect of increased awareness? Maybe it is just the unfortunate price of deeper insight? It's like just having enough gained perspective to see the game but still not enough to know the rules or be able to see it's purpose. We're too conscious, just enough to be perpetually freaked out by our own existence, and without any practical advantage over anyone else.

Welcome Dave,

Thanks for sharing your insights. I labored many years trying to 'get into the game'. I never really realized how truly simple it is until, well, today. I have been overanalyzing everything to the point of completely breaking down. I always felt that everyone knew something else about life that I didn't and that's why I couldn't participate in life. As I have come to find out, I think I knew more about life than the people just mind numbingly going through their day-to-day tasks. As you stated, it's merely the "unfortunate price of deeper insight". Now, if we can only harness that insight into productivity we will be happier individuals. For too long, I have sat on the sidelines of life and now I am finally wanting to get in there and live 'my' life. I have constantly been adapting to those around me, mimicking other's behaviors at the detriment of my own feelings. I am only now starting to feel 'alive'. It's been over 10 years for me to come to this point. I can only hope that these feelings stick with me and that I can live a happy, productive life. I hope that each of us will come to a point where this weakness can be seen as a strength and we can step over the threshold of fear. Good luck to you.