Surprisingly the last few days my anxiety has felt better and I even went outside of my apartment yesterday and didn't feel as though I was detached or anxious.
I still keep worrying about my thoughts. It's like I don't remember what it feels like to have normal thoughts. Not thoughts that aren't worry or ruminating. I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose myself if I get better. Like if I get better I won't have any thoughts. Does that even make sense?
Or more so that I'll be better but like not conscious. Because I can't imagine not having these obsessive thoughts.
I know existential thinking is often a symptom of DP, but why do I feel so meaningless?
These are some of my thoughts:
"What's the point of doing anything if we just die!"
I don't seem to care or be excited about anything anymore.
I feel like I have no goal to try to strive for. Like I just don't have a reason to have goals.
I don't look forward to things.
I think the most upsetting thing is that I don't understand where these thoughts come from. Like how can someone think like this? Can I even reverse these feeling to get back to feeling interested in life again??