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Member Since 28 Aug 2008
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#619304 Lyme or other tickborne illness causing dpdr?

Posted by forestx5 on 07 July 2020 - 07:59 AM

I considered Lyme as a source for my neurological/psychiatric issues.  I have spent a lot of time outdoors and have been bitten by ticks. I never noticed a bullseye rash or anything like that, but no one

can argue that Lyme causes neuro-psychiatric symptoms.  Lyme is difficult to diagnose reliably, so it is reasonable that anyone suffering chronic neuro-psych symptoms who was ever bitten by a tick,

would want to rule out Lyme. And, that is not as easy as it might be.  On the other hand, there are a lot of other reasons to have neuro-psych symptoms which makes Lyme disease less likely.

I noticed that hamburgers and other meats don't have the same flavor as used to be. Did I lose my taste buds as I aged?  Is it the antibiotics they are using on pork and beef? Or, did some pathogen

I got from a tick bite remove my sense of taste?  LOL.  Llife is sure complicated.

#619300 What is it like to have dp/dr for decades?

Posted by forestx5 on 07 July 2020 - 07:35 AM

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven".


If your illness degrades you significantly, then it can affect your seasons and time

can go by leaving purpose unfulfilled.  I wasn't really there for important moments

in my life. In my closest relationships, people never knew me.

I didn't know myself.  Eventually, I figured me out, but a lot of water had gone

over the dam.

#619192 Gap between Initial Panic and Dissociation (Weed induced)

Posted by forestx5 on 03 July 2020 - 05:14 PM

I posted my hypothesis on another thread.  It is possible that the powerful psychological stress of the "panic attack" has thrown a genetic switch which is responsible for

making a protein which is critical to a neurological process.  A reserve of the protein may cause a delay in consciousness being altered,  of several days.

I got this concept from the book "Genome" by Matt Ridley and I apply it to mental illness without his permission. lol

I had ECT and it was extremely beneficial.  I theorize  that the induced grand mal seizures reset my genetic firmware to factory defaults, allowing my consciousness

to alter back to normal, after 40 years.  Sometimes your body reacts in a way that is harmful to you and I give the mechanics of a heart attack as an example of that.

I don't feel guilty about offering a crazy idea like this.  It's not like I'm selling it. LOL

#619042 Buddha and Acceptance

Posted by forestx5 on 27 June 2020 - 06:26 PM

Herman Hesse wrote Siddartha. The central message that Siddhartha learns is that experience, rather than avoiding certain things in the “real world”, leads to understanding;

rather than desires and belongings being a distraction, they are as important to our perception of the world as all other actions and thought.

Siddartha fulfilled his desires en-route to spiritual nirvana, proving that there is more than one way to skin Buddha's cat.

#619040 My Dissociation is a Chemical Illusion. Please help!

Posted by forestx5 on 27 June 2020 - 06:17 PM

The thing that impressed me most about ECT was the scope of symptoms it alleviated.  I had the whole pandora's box of psychiatric symptoms which had me

looking in multiple directions for the source of the problem.  Shocked to find out they must all have been related as they all went away together following ECT.

I don't have to understand how the ECT worked, as I never quite understood how or why I became ill. Or at least I failed to understand the underlying mechanism of it all.

I do have a theory that the ECT reset my brain's firmware to factory defaults. That solved most everything, except for the symptoms I attribute to some slight damage I incurred to my brain's hardware.

So I still have the infrequent migraine aura to contend with but it is a much more livable arrangement.

My biggest fear of undergoing ECT would be that it might not work.  Duh, where does one go from there?

Thankfully, I didn't have to answer that question.

#618688 Medication making things worse?

Posted by forestx5 on 14 June 2020 - 08:49 PM

The worst time to begin antidepressant treatment is when your symptoms are severe.  Which, of course, is when most people decide they better begin SSRI therapy. And, I suspect that is the reason the meds have suicide

as a side effect.  I began Paxil during a very rough period of major depression, and I got progressively worse every day for over a week.  It was horrible and I was extremely ill. Then, in the midst of my despair, I felt a 

strange inkling of hope. I clung to it and I slowly eased out of the darkness. All in all, it was a very risky thing to begin that medication in the shape I was in.  A decade or two later, I discovered ECT and I look back now

and realize that would have been the appropriate treatment, rather than the  SSRI.  I continued taking an SSRI following the ECT, but realized I didn't need it.  I have been med free for about 5 years and depression free.

#618532 Do you feel traumatized

Posted by forestx5 on 08 June 2020 - 07:50 PM

No.  I did feel traumatized at one time.  It took a while to get over the feeling of traumatization, but you get over that before you get over the trauma itself.

So you ask this question of someone who has lost a limb in combat 20 years ago.  Does he still feel traumatized?  Probably not.  But he still has to walk

with a cane.

#618264 My own reflection exhausts me?

Posted by forestx5 on 30 May 2020 - 12:23 PM

Brain researchers  say the eye is the window to the soul, and  if you have a soul, that it resides in the temporal lobe of your brain.  They also say the temporal lobe is "exquisitely prone to insult"

My temporal lobe was insulted when I was 17.   Immediately  following my first exposure to cannabis, I had powerfulI temporal lobe seizures.  I lost my emotions and also lost limbic resonance.


I could no longer relate to my mirror image as I once had.  The damage in my limbic region  was clouding my vision.  I developed recurrent major depression featuring severe insomnia and anxiety

from this incident and I continued to experience focal temporal lobe seizures for decades thereafter. I also experienced frequent ocular migraine aura.

40 years later, I had an EEG which showed I had significant pathology in my dominant temporal lobe. That damage had occurred when I was 17.

At 57, I was told I was disabled from an event which had occurred 40 years earlier.  I had retired early, so I just added the disability check to my monthly income.

I had ECT in 2014, which seems to have cured the depression.  The focal seizures stopped somewhere in the mix.  Life goes on.

#618242 How do you find the cause?

Posted by forestx5 on 29 May 2020 - 06:31 PM

I solved  the riddle of the origin of my mental illness, but it took me a while. I experienced powerful temporal lobe seizures, preceded by an epigastric aura, during my 1st cannabis intoxication.

Since I had no prior experience with epilepsy or cannabis intoxication, I couldn't figure out how a part of me died that warm December night in 1971. I was 17 years old and

a junior in high school.  I was in the top 10% of my class and had earned the president's all American physical fitness award. I barely made it back to school, and barely made it to graduation.

I experienced frequent spells I assumed were panic attacks.  Frequent ocular migraine auras.  An episode of major depression about every 8 years, which lasted almost 2 years in duration.

By the time I reached age 57, I had spent 25% of my adult life battling recurrent major depression with horrible insomnia and anxiety, the focal temporal lobe seizures and the rest of it.  Then I

found a case history that matched my own in every detail in a British Neurological Journal.  I learned I  was suffering from a rare epileptic syndrome whose worst case scenario was when

"the post ictal psychosis segues into an affective disorder of major depression". I was a worst case scenario.

It explained everything I had experienced in the 40 years of my adult life.  I contacted a neurologist who specialized in epilepsy and had an MRI and EEG.  The EEG verified my self diagnosis.

After serving in the military (honorably) and working in industry for 40 years, I was told I was disabled from an event that occurred at age 17. I went to the social security office with the paperwork

and received a check that very month.  No hassle.  I did undergo ECT in 2014, and that seemed to restore my firmware to factory defaults.  I no longer have focal seizures, and do not believe I

will ever experience another episode of major depression.  The moral of my story is simple.  Get an EEG.

It can be an indicator of several serious neurological conditions and can be critical in sorting yourself out.

#618120 Spirituality and what is real

Posted by forestx5 on 26 May 2020 - 09:56 PM

I don't think there is anything after life is over.  I don't remember anything before life began. Life is based on physiology.  When your heart stops pumping blood through your brain, the lights go out and everything goes quiet.

Dying can't be that difficult.  It is perhaps, the one and only thing that everyone will successfully do some day.  The real difficulty is living with a serious wound.  It makes one wonder if life is worth the effort.

#617978 Afraid to exist

Posted by forestx5 on 21 May 2020 - 08:55 AM

Consciousness is a tool.  Use it.  Build a bird house.  The birds will appreciate you.  The more you engage reality, the more it responds to  you.

Immerse yourself in the pleasure and pain of  life.  Gaze at the stars and laugh.

#617900 Do we exist in other universes/future?

Posted by forestx5 on 17 May 2020 - 10:30 PM

As far as I know, the block universe model is the widely accepted one in physics. The past, present, and future all equally exist at the same time. 


Jump to search

According to the growing block universe theory of time (or the growing block view), the past and present exist while the future does not.

Eternalism is the theory that past, present, and future exist at the same time.


Personally, I haven't seen evidence for any of it. 

#617688 DP-free for a month

Posted by forestx5 on 08 May 2020 - 08:14 PM

DP wasn't my main symptom either. I became ill in 1971 at age 17.  The internet didn't appear until the mid 80s, and I guess I discovered this site in the mid 90s.  It had a smaller audience then, but there were some great people on this forum and they meant a lot to me.

I lost 40 years to mental illness, but I am as recovered as anyone can be from a serious mental illness. I feel confident in saying that most individuals who had symptoms as severe as mine, and got treatment as poor as mine, likely died of their illness.    My depressive episodes were

epic struggles for survival.  I once went virtually sleepless for 52 days, during which time I continued to work 40+ hours per week. I can't even begin to describe what that was like.

I would lose over 30 lbs of weight during a depressive episode.  I would go from an athletic 205 to anemic 175 in 6 months time.  I look back over those years and my memories are more faded than normal, because I never made them in full color.  I acted for most of those years and I feel a bit guilty about it

because no one ever really knew me.  I wouldn't let them. 

#617584 Hello everyone

Posted by forestx5 on 03 May 2020 - 09:43 PM

All childhoods are rough.  Look at the Hyena.  They are born twins, and the stronger immediately kills the weaker one. Is Hyena milk that tasty?   That's got to make you feel a little better.

As for religion, look at it this way.  You figured out it was a farce and didn't have to waste your life worshiping false idols.  That's bound to save you some valuable time

for reading about the quantum field theory or just working out.  Try not to let the human condition get you down.  Ask yourself this important question - in a hundred years, will it have

made any difference?  If the answer is probly not, then just allow yourself to enjoy your life.

#616794 Anything that helps

Posted by forestx5 on 07 April 2020 - 06:13 AM

I once found myself in the basement of my home, staring at the wall.  I had no idea how I had gotten there, or what I intended to do there.  I had been there for some time.  There were times when I was driving, that my vehicle would turn towards my place of employment.

I wasn't working that day.  That's not where I had intended to go.  I would lose my focus and habit would take over.  I wasn't always fully aware of what I was doing. My mind was so preoccupied that I was frequently on "auto-pilot".  I day dreamed a lot.  My daughter once

asked me "daddy, where do you go when you do that?".  I was staring  off into space.  Turns out I was suffering from  an epileptic syndrome.  My stares were absence seizures, a form of focal temporal lobe seizures.  When I learned of my syndrome, it explained

everything I had ever experienced.  I had severe weather in my brain.  Bad electrical storms. I learned all this stuff through my own research.  When I got the appropriate neurological tests, the doctors had to agree with my self diagnosis.  Knowing what it was I was

dealing with made all the difference for me.  Reduced fear and anxiety reduced my symptoms and made life more manageable.