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Member Since 28 Aug 2008
Offline Last Active Yesterday, 09:24 AM

Posts I've Made

In Topic: This is my story please help

Yesterday, 09:28 AM

Let's pretend  I had been properly evaluated and diagnosed at age 17.  If I had been given the ECT at age 17,

that brought my symptoms into remission at age 57, I might not have had to live a life of mental illness for 40 years.

I might not have had to endure 4 episodes of major depression which cost me two years of my life for each episode, and

horrible suffering.  But, that is all "what if".  I doubt I would be diagnosed correctly today.  I found it easier to diagnose

myself, and have that diagnosis confirmed by medical authorities.  If I had known my EEG results at age 17, I would

never have been allowed to serve in the military.  I would have never been allowed to operate heavy machinery at a steel

mill.  I might never have received the security clearance necessary to work on the US Star Wars Defense projects.

I would have been eligible for social security disability, and I could have lived a life withdrawn..

In Topic: This is my story please help

24 September 2020 - 06:49 PM

I had epileptic seizures following my first cannabis intoxication. Decades later, I would read the following in a British Neurological Journal.

"The worst case scenario is when the post ictal psychosis segues into an affective disorder of recurrent major depression, or bipolar illness."

I was a worst case scenario. For 40 years, I suffered ocular migraines, focal temporal lobe seizures, and 4 episodes of major depression

which were epic struggles for surivial. Those were just the bigger symptoms.   I would go sleepless for weeks, and lose over 30 lbs during

an episode of depression, which would last about 2 years each.  One bad trip.

In Topic: Do people know you?

23 September 2020 - 06:58 PM

I wasn't the "real me" for forty years.  The person that people saw was something of an act. During my lifetime,  I had some lovely people try to connect with me on a meaningful level, but I rebuffed them and kept my distance.

I was hiding something ugly.  Since I didn't understand it, I couldn't hope that anyone else could understand it either, so I kept up my defenses.  I didn't want to, but felt like I had to.

I'm reminded of Ecclesiastes 3.1: "To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,"

An illness which spans four decades can have a significant impact on the seasons of life.  It was painful to watch the time pass, knowing my seasons were changing and

my purpose was going unfulfilled.

In Topic: people around me feel so far away

22 September 2020 - 09:05 PM

I studied electronics and worked on some complex systems.  CRT TV systems were pretty complicated.  Red, Blue, and Green cathode ray tubes and tri-phosphor tubes.  LCD TVs are not near as complex as the CRTs they replaced.

I digress.  How something breaks can give insight into how that something works.  I lost my positive emotions following a powerful temporal lobe seizure. My parents and siblings seemed alien to me.  I believe the reason for that was because

I was no longer able to decode the emotional context of my memories of them.  A memory can be a fairly complex thing with color and texture and lots of detail.  If you damage the section of your brain that is necessary to

analyze the details, then you are just left with an image that seems alien without the emotional context.  So, if you are working without emotions, I think it is fair to say that time is on your side.  Well, either you are getting

worse, better, or staying the same. As long as you are not getting worse, you are getting better.  My emotions returned slowly.  I kept doing the things I knew I enjoyed, until I started to believe I was enjoying them again.

In time, I was enjoying them again.  And, my parents and siblings became familiar again also.  Good luck.

In Topic: NEW RESEARCH (Sept. 16, Nature)

22 September 2020 - 08:57 PM

7 grand mal seizures did the trick for me.  No more unwanted oscillations.  It's not necessary to understand the cure, to enjoy the cure.

Let's not get lost in the details.  We're patients, not research scientists.  LOL