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Bluesky

Member Since 08 Jan 2021
Offline Last Active Today, 01:24 PM
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Topics I've Started

OCD, empathy and synchronisation

09 January 2021 - 08:32 AM

Good day or night to everyone,

 

I am new here (although I published a post once a few years ago).

To clearefy things, I have DP-DR  and OCD (7 years dpdr and since forever ocd).

 

My ocd is really really extravagent. I have many types of it. Sometimes I thinks there is no limit to it.

As I learned, I am not trying to struggle with it, but to let it be. 

Just, let it be.

And it is hard. But I am indeed finally making progress. 

I have discovered a lot of things about myself and my issues and I am in the process of healing, if God wills it.

 

And one of my ambitions (and I got a lot, that's why dp and all felt so crual and so injust to me regarding my dreams. It kills time and ego, if you let it, or believe it can), is to be a psychiatrist.

I guess this long and tiring experience might come in handy after all.

 

I don't know if it is ocd that made me be like that of it is just me, but I've always been able to understand people, to understand their reactions or why is this and that. To find logic and reason when people didn't, even though ocd was there to complicate things for me. 

Later on, I suspected I was an empath. I'll figure it out in time.

I had to face fears and problematic thoughs regarding that also.

But it's something. 

 

So many "problems" lined up it was unbelievable. Still is.

Sometimes I though what was happening to me shouldn't. It wasn't for humans to bear.

But positive side, it means that I am really strong. 

I am proud of what I have accomplished until now. I am still not out of dpdr or ocd (as I mentioned above) but I am not running, hiding, covering, avoiding, and hating it anymore.

 

I believed I had to go through everything. Like I had to pay and suffer a lot to deserve and all that is good in me.

Which is, of course, FALSE.

But the thing is, I already went through this "test", so either way, I win. What's mine is mine. I do not have to prove anything.

 

Even though I suffered (And still am, but not in the same way. Not as much. I found peace with it), I know it made me somewhat better or it "expanded my self". I don't know to to describe it yet.

 

I had no choice but to tough up to start healing.

But I thought about it, I didn't need to be strong or indifferent or ready for everything. And I love myself however I am.

 

I hope some of the readers here find understanding and help in what I wrote. 

 

 

Okay, back to the questions. Sorry it took so long. 

 

When I was five I had Viral meningitis. So, does anyone know if it could affect ocd ?

 

Also, something else quit different, does anyone notice repetitions in life ?

I know it is normal that they happen, but I kind of find them out. Sometimes it's like "déjà-vu", othertimes, it's like "we had this discussion before" or "he did this before, many times".

And I know for sure they happened before, because I remember and others remember and... idk like some clues here and there that it is not just "déja-vu".

It helps the "reality fear" to appear. And thought that I might have "schizophrenia".

And I am not looking for validation or to be appeased. Just to understand.

Maybe it's because I am more self conscious than others that I remark these things ?

I have to add, I used to get a lot of equal numbers when I looked at the hour. Like 12:12, 07:07 ect., I think I saw all of them.

It's been a while since It happened, or maybe I am not paying attention to it anymore. 

 

 

So, that's all for now. 

If anyone knows, thank you for helping me clarify all of that.

May we all find peace.