I used to be so existential to the point where I’d be so perceptive of everything, questioning it all, practically writing novels just trying to explain things to myself. Used to write down my gross negative thoughts on the world, “reality” and consciousness whilst being in this drunken state. I can't think anymore, I've got no thoughts. I can’t crack jokes anymore and small talk physically pains me. I want to socialize but I’ve got nothing to pull out of my empty brain. It wasn't fun questioning everything, it did make me feel a bit bonkers, and honestly might have heightened the dp, but now I feel like a watered down version of myself. It makes me so sad just thinking about it. Where did that person go? This is def. a symptom of dpdr, but the fact that I have no friends to even try communicating with is also something. Throughout high school I’ve felt this way, and due to this I’ve got no friends.. not even the stoners want me.
Just kind of wish someone would stick with me long enough to where I get used to ?cognition? again.
Hopefully, I’ll find myself again through interacting with this community. I'm not completely gone yet.