heneluna

I'm not sure if it makes a really big difference for an already physically healthy person, but eating healthy and eating 3 meals a day has improved my general mental health. Being anemic/ iron deficient increased dpdr's impact on me, eating more and healthily helped everything. I'm pretty sure I saw somewhere that most of the serotonin we make comes from the intestines, so I guess eating nutritional things would help your mood. 

The worst my dpdr affected me was a couple of months ago. Time was moving very fast for me, 24 hours felt so short and i'd frequently stay up all night, no problem. I ended up losing complete track of time and stayed awake for 3 days whilst doing school assignments. During this time I was isolated, I didnt eat or drink, didnt even use the bathroom. The dpdr mixed with no sleeping or eating and a ton of stress caused me to become the most disconnected from reality I had ever been. On the 3rd day I started hallucinating; seeing things, hearing voices and music. I was basically dreaming with my eyes open. I would fully believe I was washing dishes, brushing my teeth, or sleeping and then all of a sudden snap out of it and I'd be sitting down staring at a notebook. It was scary. It wasn't solely from dpdr, but it did play a big part. 

^^^ What they said

It's good to vent, continue to do that on here if it helps you, don't feel guilty about it.

Do you think you became dissociated because you hadn't been out with friends or skated in a while? When I go out after a while of staying in, It takes me a while to process it, the dpdr gets worse and sticks even a day after. Even though it feels like a 50-50 chance of getting better or worse, please keep on doing things like you normally would. 

Maybe itll help to journal what you did that day or talk about it to your friends so it doesn't seem as foreign or like it never even happened, helps to process things I guess. 

It is super scary, but you're going to be ok. You have made progress.

Hey, thanks for the reply. Ive seen that you've been on here quite a bit recently and I just have to say I appreciate the sympathy and advice you've given on here. You seem to have garnered a wealth of wisdom about all of this lol.

 

Unrelated but I thought I would ask you here. From what I gathered you have had DPDR for around half a decade? And I think maybe you're in highschool? How has your disorder changed over time- if it all. How have you coped with it? 

 

regards

Lol I’m not wise at all, but thanks. 

Low-key don't know how to answer so this is gonna be long and probably have no sense of structure...

I've had dpdr for about 5 years; started right before 8th grade and now I'm in 12th. To be honest, I can't completely remember what this disorder used to be like for me regarding symptoms. I’m not even sure I could tell you anything astonishing in terms of how I’ve coped with it..super helpful, I know. 

I’m as calm as I've ever been about this disorder. I mean, I would kill to look at the sunset with clear eyes just one more time, but, I still think I am doing better than any other year I’ve had this. My symptoms haven’t changed much over the years. I'm still constantly derealized and depersonalized, and I've got a blank mind. Some days are horrible, my body feels like a hologram, everything looks like its in my peripheral vision and I do feel hopeless. Though, compared to the first year/ two; I’m not as paranoid, the severity of my dissociation does not fluctuate as dramatically, I'm not as existential, and I'm not too worried about the meaning of the world or the meaning behind my existence anymore. 

I think what has gotten me to this point is that I accept that this is a dissociative disorder, I have a clear understanding of why I developed this disorder and still have this disorder, I am actively trying to increase my psychological flexibility (look that up if u haven't heard of it it's pretty rad), and I’m trying to view this disorder as something conquerable, a mere obstacle. 

For me, a critical step for developing good coping would be recognizing trauma, anxiety, or anything that may have caused the dpdr. Personally, this took so much time to figure out, a lot of recalling/reliving memories, a lot of emotions, and some therapy sessions, but I think I've finally got it down. A reason why I’ve had this disorder for so long and why I think you can overcome it quicker is because one; I was super young when it started and didn't know jack shit about mental health, and two; I was minimizing the impact my trauma had on me and felt like my problems weren’t important enough to ever be addressed. I’ve just recently learned how to cope with my emotions instead of repressing them.. haha.  

Um, I'm also on Lexapro. That's probably calmed me down. I know people who've experienced depersonalization and derealization for months from bad meds, having too high a dose, etc. so that's something to think about uhhh

Relatable.

Dp definitely sucks more than dr. No sense of self paired with a blank mind is screwing me over currently. Very much on autopilot. It eez what it eez. 

You kind of are your brain, but more than that you are also your experiences. Since you have thoughts and are experiencing things consciously, emotionally, and somatically, "you" do exist. The fact that you find this experience terrifying proves that you are still here, there is a person inside your brain, you still have a mind, you are still you, you exist.

Why do we exist? I don't know, lol, let's not think about that.. but being that we are built to have emotions, be self aware, and have thoughts has to mean something? Maybe? You're not just organs.

It may not feel like it but you still exist, I promise. 

Hang in there.

Hi,

I've spent 5 years in a dissociative state so I cant say anything personally. I used to be acquainted with a couple of people who recovered and they said that the first time they felt/ saw things normal again was an overwhelmingly happy experience. Some were relaxed about it, but for others coming back to reality was a bit too stimulating. Like theres so much you wanna see and do, you can get too excited and that could trigger anxiety which'll send you back to dissociation. From what I've heard its pretty common to dissociate a couple of times until you've finally recovered, each period of reality getting longer and longer as you get more used to it. It can be a bit harder if you've got anxiety or haven't dealt with any trauma, but obviously not impossible. When you finally come back to reality, it's not a strange or scary experience. Things wont look foreign or crazy, it'll just look really beautiful. 

Don't loose hope, you saw things in 3d in JUNE. Thats a super good sign that you're almost back to normal...lol how do I do that.

I used to be so existential to the point where I’d be so perceptive of everything, questioning it all, practically writing novels just trying to explain things to myself. Used to write down my gross negative thoughts on the world, “reality” and consciousness whilst being in this drunken state. I can't think anymore, I've got no thoughts. I can’t crack jokes anymore and small talk physically pains me. I want to socialize but I’ve got nothing to pull out of my empty brain. It wasn't fun questioning everything, it did make me feel a bit bonkers, and honestly might have heightened the dp, but now I feel like a watered down version of myself. It makes me so sad just thinking about it. Where did that person go? This is def. a symptom of dpdr, but the fact that I have no friends to even try communicating with is also something. Throughout high school I’ve felt this way, and due to this I’ve got no friends.. not even the stoners want me.

Just kind of wish someone would stick with me long enough to where I get used to ?cognition? again. 

Hopefully, I’ll find myself again through interacting with this community. I'm not completely gone yet.

Hello! My names Hena, I'm a 17 year old female and I've had depersonalization and derealization since I was 12 (almost 5 years nonstop). 

Just recently have I been officially diagnosed with dp/dr disorder caused by childhood trauma, as well as depression, and anxiety. Dealing with this alone has been really lonely and I hope to feel more understood here by sharing my story and finding similarities in each others experiences.

If anyones interested, heres my story:

TRAUMA:

What I've concluded is that my dp/dr was caused by an extreme case of repressing my emotions after traumatic events and emotional neglect from my family.

At the age of 8 my father was involved in a gruesome car accident and was in a coma for 7 weeks, I was in the hospital for all of those 7 weeks awaiting his recovery with my mother. No like actually... we only went home to sleep and ate nothing but saltines, graham crackers, packaged jelly, coffee, and the occasional milk nurses would sneak in for us. My dad was in the ICU as well as Hospice and little 8 year old me saw some really hard stuff; my dad was hooked up to multiple tubes and was just unrecognizable.. so my brain basically said "nope we aren't here right now and everything is fine", and that became my main coping mechanism. After his death my mom became more depressed, everyone kept telling me "stay strong, don't cry", and thats exactly what I did, I did not cry once in the span of 5 years let alone feel an emotion, but I was still in touch with reality, I still felt like the world was real back then.

FIRST EXPERIENCE/ THE BEGINNING: 

At 12 I fell into a severe depression that I somehow got out of after a few months? Still don't know how, but I was feeling quite content at the time I first became derealized. I was at an outdoor restaurant with my family admiring the scenery when all of a sudden it did not look right and I couldn't really hear. I tried hard to get it back to the way it was, to make it look real again.. I couldn't and i still cant! My depersonalization developed a year after my derealization. At the beginning I really did not know what was happening and was completely convinced I was going crazy/ the world was fake/ i was dreaming. I got extremely close to "finding out" if you know what I mean.. 

CURRENTLY..:

Some days are better than others. Some days I feel so close to reality, so filled with hope and it's the best thing ever! At the same time some days I'm painfully numb and disoriented.

• I am in a constant state of ~zoned out~ which never ceases and only gets worse based on stress levels and lack of sleep.
• Something thats new is walking up stairs being difficult. I see my foot, I see the step, but as I put my foot down my heart drops as if I were about to fall. Weirdly the same does not happen for going down the stairs.
• I forget where I'm going. Walking to class I just find myself in some random hallway, like I'm on autopilot. Its concerning to say the least, but honestly makes sense considering the amount of stress I'm in currently. 
• My dreams and reality get mixed up every once in a while. 
• Its hard to make friends but I've found that people with ADHD and ADD are really understanding because they experience uncontrollable dissociation as well. 
• Alice and Wonderland syndrome: hands look really small and sometimes really big. Also its hard to cook because I'll think I've made enough of something but its either too much or too little. 
• I stayed up for 3 days in a row last month, and let me tell you..it is the scariest thing I've ever done. I started hearing things, seeing patterns, and fully believed I was doing other activities even though I was sitting in the same spot. My dp/dr got insanely worse for the weeks following that, things looked ridiculously small/large and the walls began "breathing". I've recovered from that but dang, never again.  
• Getting through school has been the toughest thing in the world, not only can I not concentrate in class normally, but due to school being online I now have an even weaker sense of time. You'd think I'd know a thing or two after being in this state for 5 years... haha. 

I don't know how I've gotten through it so far but I'm still here and I'm still hopeful I'll wake up one day and see the world with clear eyes and recognize my body as my own.