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Absent

Member Since 16 Oct 2004
Online Last Active Today, 08:06 AM
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Posts I've Made

In Topic: Reality Testing

Yesterday, 09:16 AM

For me, the quality and apparent actuality of 'realness' can reduce to the extreme, but reality testing would be a different loss and never happens. I.e. I know what is real or a fantasy - even if emotionally they are scarcely distinguishable. Knowing the difference is reassuring to me when it gets scary, if pragmatic.


In Topic: Depersonalization anxiety?

18 February 2021 - 11:00 AM

I see how it could seem preferable to be a robot if you can only feel negatives, like horrible anxiety, but then any good would be lost too, of course. I always notice how my DPRD only lets through bad emotion (anxiety etc), despite its putative protective purpose. I manage that skewed state because on the other side of it will be positive emotion too. I.e. I am withstanding DPRD etc. to regain a proper spectrum of experience, even while not feeling good on that journey.


In Topic: Does anyone feel like DP is impossible to explain?

17 February 2021 - 11:02 AM

Hello.

I am now good at explaining my DPRD to myself, i.e. its dynamics and the many apparent contradictions of my state. If, though, you mean how can you explain this to other people, that certainly is difficult, since they will perceive your presence in ways you currently cannot, and DPRD is so subjective and complex, yes. I have tried explaining DPRD to others for ages, tired of being misjudged by some and also wanting to explain to those who are genuinely interested in understanding. Eventually, I put some of my descriptions into a website describingdepersonalisation.com and specifically hoped that would be useful in trying to get across to people something of what DPRD is like. I wrote how profound DPRD can be but I always showed my own confidence that it is reversible, despite the ‘crud’. Words are insufficient but still I attempted it, in terms that could mean at least something to the non-DPRD person, even though I do not consider they could understand without experiencing DP/DR themselves. I wrote how language is lacking for this private distortion.

 

I recognise the need and motivation to explain the state of DPRD, it is the ‘thing’ that compromises my appearance and abilities. Part of the value of this forum is that we know what we are trying to explain.

I find that my observing self always being intact is a reassurance while other perception is practically absent.  If I can’t explain it to anyone, I still know my truth within DPRD and how it would be without it.  All best wishes.


In Topic: Anyone feel better by squinting their eyes?

13 December 2020 - 02:20 PM

Hello chng.

 

That's interesting re squinting. I tried it and yes, my derealisation was a little reduced. I would say it is because restricting my visual input means it is less emotionally confronting, which is what DPRD seeks to deny. 

 

Another effect I know about, is staring into the far distance for half a minute or so, then suddenly looking at something close up, e.g. your arm. This brings a short dip in derealisation for some people. It may be just seconds but it's amazing, and it shows DPRD is reversible even if difficult to do.


In Topic: Do people know you?

26 September 2020 - 09:20 AM

Do you feel that people don't know the real you? And that people haven't actually "met" you since onset of DPDR? And also that you haven't met or know people while dissociated?

 

 

The real me is in such retreat within DPDR and that is in a tension with the need to interact outwardly (to get by socially). So I have to present a 'version' of me and I learnt how to appear to others, even though I don't emotionally experience my presence in whatever setting we meet. In that way I do represent my true self, but people only know that representation. It is not dishonest to who I am but I would say they are not knowing the real me. [People often say I seem fine and that they would not have guessed that I have a problem]. I cannot know how they feel about meeting me, I am not even 'there'. I don't retain having met people, they are generally 'shapes' and I struggle to know them. BUT it counts a lot that I know who I care about even though the feeling is negated in DPDR. It is going to be fascinating when I get back to realness but meanwhile meeting people is very contradictory in meaning, both ways.