I was a former frequest poster here after going through two bouts of severe DP - which I recovered from. I came back when I had a 3rd horrible bout of anxiety - this time with less DP, and more obsessive thoughts that I was going crazy. My memory was horrible, I felt like my thoughts made no sense, I felt like I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. I descended into a total breakdown - I couldn't function. But with hard work, and support from people at places like THIS form I recovered. That's why i'm back - because I know you are all such great people, and even though you may not specifically relate to my story, i'm hoping to find some help here.
I've developed a new obsessive fear - focused on a belief that I am hearing things! For the last couple months this fear has come and gone - i'll hear something that I am not sure is real and i'll test those around me to make sure i'm not hearing that "Did you just hear something? Sounded like a dog barking outside". Over these two months i've had a couple questionable incidents that really scared me - such as once I was playing a CD very quietly at my desk, and I stopped it - but forgot that I had. A few minutes later I felt like I could still hear that music quietly playing, but when I looked - it wasn't. The second was when I was standing near my desk and I heard the sound that a new e-mail had come in, but when I got to my desk - no e-mail there (others in the office have the same sound, so its possible they got one).
This has now exploded into a full blown obsession - i now spend so much of my time just listening - and wondering if every noise i'm hearing is made up. I'm so focused on every little noise that i'll ask my girlfriend "do you hear that" and it takes her like 5 minutes of focusing just to hear what i'm talking about. Our mind obviously has a filter where it filters out most background noise for us and only consciously processes what it believes are important. By obsessing, I am breaking this filter.
However - on top of this i've had a few really scary incidents where I feel like i really did hear something. I've had three nights in a row that as i'm lying in bed i feel like I can hear the sound of geese squawking - which at fist i thought might be real, but then it didn't go away for like 20 minutes. The other night I was at my parents and I felt like i hear the sound of a blowdryer or vaccuum cleaner start up in the distance, but no one else heard it. And this morning I thought I heard the faint sound of a police siren in the distance - I didn't ask my girlfriend if she could hear it too but im pretty positive it wasn't real.
Is it possible my anxious and obsessed mind is just creating these sounds because im so worried about hearing things? My mind has been quite powerful in the past - I remember one of my first obsessions was around robbers breaking into my house when I was young, and many nights I actually transformed the sounds of the house settling into the distinct sounds of footprints in my house?
Or am I just going nuts? I keep trying to calm myself my saying 'people who are going crazy dont know they are' and 'i'm not interacting to or responding to these sounds like a crazy person would'. But then my fear pops up and says "maybe this is just the beginning and soon i'll go totally crazy like that".
Help! Any thoughts or advice? Am i crazy???
Matt210Member Since 15 Aug 2004
Offline Last Active Feb 03 2016 09:08 PM