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lost235

Member Since 13 Sep 2020
Online Last Active Today, 04:34 PM
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Topics I've Started

School

Yesterday, 04:01 PM

Hi. I know I said I would stop posting on this forum, but I could really use some tips/advice.

I’m really trying to do better in life, as dpdr has made everything fall apart. The major thing that has been affected is school and my education. I have a super hard time getting myself to school, which has lead me to stop talking to my friends and also not getting everything I need from classes to get good grades.

Now I really really really want to be able to go to school, but I’m scared to death. I’m so scared that I’ll have a “dpdr attack” where I feel a total loss of control and understanding of what’s happening around me. I know exactly how it’ll go and how hard it will be, it terrifies me. But I’m only 17, and I have to get education, I want to be able to go to school.

Does anyone have any tips to get myself to school? The whole idea of going in, and having to face my classmates and the intense feeling of dpdr, it’s just too much for me:(

I need something to cling onto when I’m at school so I don’t have a full on panic attack. I’d be so grateful for any tips! Something to calm me down when I feel like I’m gonna break at any point.

I’m finally moving towards recovery

27 November 2020 - 05:30 PM

Hi.
So I’ve decided that it’s time for me to keep going with my life. I’m confident that I’ll be able to accept things as they are, and only try to do better.
I’ll stop spending my whole days whining and complaining about how much of a misery my life is. I can’t do that and expect it to get better. I already have 2 hours a week at my therapists where I can do that, it’s enough.

I’ve spent all of last night watching possibly every YouTube video about recovery stories and I’ve collected every single tip I could possibly find on here. I feel like I’m ready to let go. There have been some great videos which have given me so much energy and motivation to do this. What mostly pushed me to do this is seeing a specific post on here and a YouTube video which just straight up told me to get my shit together.

I’ll see if this works, but until Christmas break (about a month), I’ll do everything I can to get better. If it doesn’t work, fine, at least I’ve tried. That’s a lot better than sitting here everyday whining and feeling sorry for myself. And also if I don’t feel better, I won’t stop until I do. To me right now, it’s all in or nothing. I turned 17 this week, I’m starting to realise that to get better I have to do something myself. Idk why but I’ve always imagined my year as 17 a great one, and I’m hoping it will be even though I feel like shit right now.

There’s no magical pill which will solve this and nothing my therapist says will make something click. It’s on me to get better. (I’m not saying it’s wrong to seek help, it’s one of the best things I’ve done. But in the long run it’s your life, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with it.)

I know probably no one is reading this nor cares lol, I’m only posting this to really push myself to do it. If it’s up here, I’ll do it. If I have a bad day, whatever. Some days are better, some are worse, it’s time to focus on the good ones. I’ve specifically noticed this because for the past two weeks, the good days have been so much better than they used to be.

I might get on here once in a while to see how everyone’s doing, but the goal is to not post anything. I’m almost starting to get annoyed at myself for all of my posts.

I don’t want to make this too long, you all already know what I’m trying to do lol. I’ll be logging off now, wish me luck:)

Percent?

27 November 2020 - 12:20 PM

Hi! This is a really stupid question I’m fully aware of it lol. But I keep seeing people saying they’re “80% recovered” or “50% recovered” etc. What does it even mean? Are they counting based on how many days they’ve felt fine or do you say the percent based on how you’re feeling?

Just kind of wanted to know nothing else:)

I can’t feel the presence of others

25 November 2020 - 02:13 PM

Hi. So this is probably another symptom that lots of people have and I’ll just have to wait it out, but it’s really bugging me. I can no longer spend time with anyone but myself because everyone else feels unreal. I can’t feel their presence, it’s like I’m looking at a hologram or something. I’ve tried to interacts with my family but they feel so fake, it’s scaring me so much. I guess this is just another rant, but this symptom is by far one of the worst I’ve had. Because my family doesn’t look real, there’s no way I can get to school either. And I can’t talk to my parents about it because it’s like speaking to aliens. I just feel so claustrophobic, I’m not sure what to do. Once again I end up feeling like I’ve lost my mind entirely. I feel myself panicking even walking into a room where someone. Not sure how much more of this I can take. It’s getting real hard trying to fight my way out of this. Has anyone else felt this way?

What if I’ve always felt like this?

17 November 2020 - 05:57 PM

Hi!
So I’m not sure if what I’m about to write makes sense or if anyone will understand what I mean, but I’ll give it a try.

Lately I’ve had a weird thought that’s sort of given me a sort of hopeless perspective on this whole thing. I’ve been thinking that maybe I’ve had dpdr all my life, and that I just haven’t noticed it until now. I have always been a person who daydreams a lot, and sort of spends a lot of time alone. I’m not a lonely person (in the sense that I have people around me) but I’ve always enjoyed just being on my own a lot. Through my life, there’s been plenty of times where I even avoid being with others to sit and daydream or do things on my own, mostly because in my daydreams I can be whoever I want.
Now the reason why I feel like this is relevant to know, is because I’m scared that maybe I’ve always in a way been dissociated from the world and everyone else? Or even worse, that my constant daydreaming has led to me getting dpdr? I can’t help but wonder if I have always been like this and I just haven’t noticed, is that even possible? When I think about it now, I’ve definitely had some weird moments where I’ve thought that my view of the world looks strange, or sometimes a feeling that I might be dreaming. It’s just that I haven’t put so much thought into it. Whenever I’ve thought “what if I’m dreaming” before, a new thought come to me right away saying “well you can’t control it, you might be dreaming but in that case make it a good one” then I forget about it. Now on the other hand, I’m constantly paranoid, wondering what life even is and what if it’s all an illusion? etc. I can question the tiniest things like what even is my eyes and how are they looking at whatever’s around me?

I’m rambling on now, but I guess what I’m asking is, could my past of daydreaming have led to a permanent dpdr? I know this was triggered by anxiety and depression, but could it be my own fault for daydreaming so much? Have I always felt this way but just not realised it?