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Member Since 13 Sep 2020
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#629098 No sense of self

Posted by lost235 on Yesterday, 06:17 PM

Yeah I experience that too. My DP is at it's worst during the five minutes I spend getting ready for bed; that's when im at my most fatigued and burnt out. That's really good that spending time with your parents helps! Family is very important with these kind of things.

I guess id have to respectfully disagree. I don't think what I define as spontaneity is the same as ignoring the problem the whole day. I think it is a form of remembering the mode of being that existed before DPDR. I think that is essentially what recovery is; the first step is remembering how one used to live their life before DPDR, and then living as close to that as possible. Initially, it is only an intellectual memory with no clear feeling, but I believe over time it can allow one to repair the bridges inside their mind that were burnt down by DPDR. This process will allow one to get back in touch with emotion, and then to hopefully feel integrated within themself.

For me, it has seemed to work. I don't do any mindfulness or grounding exercises, or journaling, or any form of trying to directly address and combat the DP, I just live as much as I can, and since then, my DPDR hasn't gotten better admittedly, but it's stopped getting worse, and it sure as hell doesn't bother me as much as it used to.

I guess my DP doesn’t peak just when I’m going to bed. It’s anytime I spend alone, from 1am-3am when I can’t sleep, or when I have to study and be alone, or even just going and getting something from my room in the middle of the day. It doesn’t really have anything to do with how I feel or my anxiety, it just happens for no reason which makes me feel like I have no control over it whatsoever. I feel like there no reason to keep trying to feel better, because it’s literally like I’m living someone else’s life everyday. There’s no “me” at all, it’s freaking me out a lot.

But I do agree with everything you’re saying! I think you’ve figured out a really good way to feel better with the DP (or at least moving towards a normal-ish life). And as I said, that’s what I’ve been trying to do and it works really well, until 5 days have passed and I’ve restricted my feelings for too long. And I know that going on as usual doesn’t exactly mean “ignoring your feelings”. But to me spontaneity is to not think and just do, and that’s why I end up with all the thoughts later. I’ve found that Monday-Thursday is alright, but when Friday hits I’m panicking again. Idk maybe it’s just me overthinking a lot. Maybe it takes some time getting used to, like I have with the DR. I just feel like I’m consumed by anxiety, like that’s literally all I am.

#629092 No sense of self

Posted by lost235 on Yesterday, 03:29 AM

Hey lost.

The only thing I can say somewhat alleviates the feeling of nonexistence is spontaneity. What I mean is, try to lose yourself in the present as much as you can. For me, this primarily consists of talking with my friends, playing video games, going on my phone, listening to music, etc. For some reason talking to or even being in the mere presence of my parents makes my DP so much worse, I haven't figured out why, I wonder if you can relate?

I know you didn't ask for this, but I am kind of intrigued by the reason why I think my advice works at least for me. I think that before DP, one isn't hyper aware or even aware at all of their existence. They don't perceive themselves as a distinct entity operating a person that interacts with the physical world. Rather, without DP, one is only aware of the experience of reality itself; they are not aware that they are a person experiencing it. So, to have spontaneity, means to only be aware of the experience itself, and it inhibits the hyperawareness of being a person. I truly think that, in day to day life, a person without DP forgets that they exist. And that's why you hear about the pop culture phenomenon of, when you suddenly remember that you infact are a distinct being, existing in a physical world, you feel that dissociative feeling. I think it's important to remember how you expeience the world without DPDR, and spontaneity is one way to do that.

Yeah I’ve actually noticed that spontaneity does work quite a bit. But what’s been shitty about that for me is that after I’ve spent the whole day on auto-pilot and being social, I’m even more DPd when I go to my room at the end of the day. If I spend the day not thinking at all, just focusing on doing things, that’s just pushing the problem onto my future self. Is that something you experience too? I’ve spent most of the days this week doing this exact thing, and yesterday I had the worst panic attack I’ve ever had. I don’t recognise myself at all, it’s like I’m in someone else’s brain. I don’t recognise my emotions, thoughts, myself, not anything. (I’m also currently sick so that doesn’t help, I feel like I can’t break the dissociation at all. Can’t hear anything, hurts to talk, can’t smell etc. Which makes it super hard to feel present). My parents are actually the only ones who makes it feel kinda better for me, talking to them is the only this that can calm me down somewhat.

And I’ve also thought about what you’re saying, before this no ones ever really that conscious of themselves (I mean I definitely was when it came to how others perceived me and what I said everyday, but it was never like I questioned myself and who I was). But like I said, to me, ignoring the problem throughout the day hasn’t at all worked it’s just made it worse. I’m glad it seems to work for you tho! What you said actually does make total sense. Without DP, you never question yourself as a person, and analyse your whole existence and experience of the world. If you try and stop questioning it maybe living becomes more natural? Idk, I just can’t wait for this to be over (if it ever does go away).

#629044 No sense of self

Posted by lost235 on 23 February 2021 - 05:18 PM

Have you found any way at all to deal with this? I used to think DP wasn’t as bad as DR but it sucks, I’m honestly desperate for some tips at this point, can’t seem to find any.This is exactly how I feel. Do you notice anything that helps?

#629012 It’s getting really bad

Posted by lost235 on 20 February 2021 - 01:48 PM

Hey. I feel suicidal with this.

Hi. Are you seeing a therapist atm?

#628958 Anyone else switching between DP and DR?

Posted by lost235 on 15 February 2021 - 12:48 PM

Gonna try to keep this short. Does anyone else feel like your dpdr is an endless circle of DP and DR? At first all I felt was derealisation, then all I felt was depersonalisation, now it’s switching them like crazy. My derealisation started when I was too focused on myself, and when it started going away I realised that I hadn’t thought about myself but about my environment for several months (which led me to depersonalisation instead). Nowadays it can literally switch from one hour to another. I’ll only think about how weird everything looks for a while, and then I realise that I’m then disconnected entirely from my body and usual thoughts. It’s gone so far that I’ve felt like my thoughts were not my own (which led me to thinking I have a psychosis/schizophrenia, leading to a panic attack). Dp has really made me question, are these thoughts really coming from me? It’s just an endless circle of painful symptoms. Does anyone else feel like this?

#628948 Do you daydream a lot?

Posted by lost235 on 14 February 2021 - 10:41 AM

Just for clarification, my post does not say you are probably epileptic or that epilepsy is a reasonable first assumption for an explanation of
your symptoms.

Oh no I got that! I guess I’m just looking for a more psychological explanation and how daydreaming and dissociation can be connected.

#628944 Do you daydream a lot?

Posted by lost235 on 14 February 2021 - 05:58 AM

First of all, contrary to what the post above said, its probably not because you’re epileptic. Of course there is a correlation with epilepsy and dissociation, but not to an extent where it can be a reasonable first assumption of what the underlying cause is.

It’s fascinating how much I relate to this. And I think you make a great point. The process of daydreaming does seem very similar to the process of dissociation; you are coping in the same way by escaping reality. I literally do the same thing! I put on my headphones and blindly navigate my world imagining my ideal life for hours at a time. I literally cannot listen to music without simultaneously fantasizing about a better life.

Like you it seems, I wonder what can be done with this information. If i learn how to stop daydreaming, and face the reality of my life, will this alleviate my dissociation? Certainly doesn’t sound that far reaching, and I think it can certainly improve your emotional state. But how exactly can you stop daydreaming? Its not easy.

Yeah I know I don’t think it could be epilepsy either. I’m very much in control of when I want to daydream and not, it’s not like I accidentally fade away all of a sudden.

And literally, I relate so much to what you’re saying too. My daydreaming has literally gone to a point where I can’t listen to music without wanting to daydream or imagine stuff. I noticed yesterday when I was in the car (after just having another mental breakdown lol), the very first thing that just came natural to me was to daydream, and suddenly I didn’t feel so bad anymore. It does make me a little more derealised afterwards but at the same time I feel more happy so the possibility of me being able to spend time with others and be productive is higher. So I kinda don’t think that stopping the daydreaming necessarily equals to feeling better.

I’ve tried to stop daydreaming before my dpdr, as I noticed it was becoming obsessive (like maladaptive daydreaming), but I just really didn’t see a point in it. It didn’t make me feel better and I still wanted to do it everyday. I allowed myself to imagine things when I was in my car listening to music, other than that I forced myself to not do it. But I literally see no point in stopping it entirely, it’s fairly normal as long as it’s not an obsession. I’m trying more to teach myself to listen to music without wanting to daydream, and thinking one extra time before I do it. I will say tho the DP has helped me to not do it, because a lot of the time I feel too uncomfortable to do it, and can’t help myself from cringing every time (just because I kind of see the situation and myself from the side while I do it).

I’ve been Googling a bit and actually seen some articles about maladaptive daydreamers being more likely to dissociate. Haven’t read them yet because the language is just to complicated for my brain atm but I can let you know if I find any good ones!:)

#628912 Feel better then worse??

Posted by lost235 on 12 February 2021 - 01:48 PM

Thanks for replying and saying this. I’m currently going through a bad spell but I’m not sure why. I can’t pinpoint anything that would have caused it. Like last week I felt so good I could almost say I recovered, but now this week I feel like an alien.

I totally get what you mean. And I’m by no means an expert this is just from my own experiences! I felt like that the first 2-3 months with dpdr, I was just an anxious mess really (still am but more accepting now lol). Also sometimes there might not even be a clear trigger to what is happening, recovery is not at all just waking up one day and feeling great again. There might be some bad days along, that doesn’t mean you’re back to square one. If anything it seems like your dpdr is quite flexible which means that it’s nothing permanent (from what I’ve read). Either way you’ll be fine, this doesn’t hurt you physically, even if I know it can be emotionally draining. I hope you feel a lot better again soon!

#628846 Need suggestions

Posted by lost235 on 10 February 2021 - 12:27 PM

I would do exactly what you said, tape off the clocks. Facing your fear is probably the most effective way to get rid of it, because you take away its power. I know it’s scary, and if it’s too hard then I would say speak to someone about it. But I think that you’ll eventually get used to it and find that it’s not as scary as you once thought it was. I know that the logical answers are usually the ones that we’d least rather do, but I think in this case it could help a lot. Find things to reassure you that time hasn’t sped up, even if it feels like it. If you keep finding these tricks that make you feel safe and hold onto them it’ll become even harder to get better. Best of luck!:)

#628560 Will I ever feel like my old self again?

Posted by lost235 on 26 January 2021 - 02:39 PM

To people who have recovered from DP, specifically with the symptoms of feeling off or like a stranger in your own body and brain, do you ever feel like your old and true self again? For me, I can’t even imagine who I used to be no matter how hard I try. I understand that change is inevitable, I get that there will be an obvious change when you go through something like this. But atm I’m just super uncomfortable, and I cant imagine going through life with this version of myself. When I say things I question it because it doesn’t feel like me, and my thoughts are pretty much non-existent. I’m just wondering whether this is temporary, if I’ll go back to my old self or if I’ll have to accept this new version of myself? I guess I just feel like life isn’t worth too much if you don’t feel like yourself, it’s like watching a strangers life go on.

#628550 Nothing is interesting

Posted by lost235 on 26 January 2021 - 09:10 AM

Yeah I get what you mean. I’m currently in a depressive episode + dpdr where nothing feels like it matters. Nothing is fun at all anymore, and nothing is motivating me to try and make things fun. I agree with forestx5 tho, keep on doing the thing that made you happy! It seems like you truly want to want to do these things. If that doesn’t work, try and find other things that makes you happy. But most importantly, accept these feelings. Things are not great right now, and life isn’t the most fun but that’s okay too. Remember that the things that made you happy are still there, they never left. When you’re ready to move on from this shitty feeling you might just appreciate these things even more.
And don’t forget that you’re not alone, these feelings are super normal, probably more normal than you think. Hang in there!

#628292 Check for ear problems

Posted by lost235 on 10 January 2021 - 11:58 AM

Hi! Do you still experience dpdr? Did you get your ears checked out and found any problems?

#628276 derealization bothers me only when im outside

Posted by lost235 on 09 January 2021 - 06:16 PM

i mean when im indoor, there is nothing what reminds me on derealization. only when im outside, regardless where, the camera-like-view and the 2Dish vision is noticeable

Ohh gotcha. I experience that a lot too. Been noticing a lot that the sky looks really weird lately. Also everything looking like a green screen most of the times, especially when I’m looking at something bigger like a street, park, mall etc.

#628218 It’s getting really bad

Posted by lost235 on 08 January 2021 - 01:56 PM

I thought it was just me who experienced that muffled hearing part..

You’re for sure not alone! I’ve been experiencing it a lot, just a part of dpdr I guess.

#628150 my illness will take my very lovely girlfriend from me

Posted by lost235 on 05 January 2021 - 08:29 AM

that’s a tough one:/ but I’m sure she most likely wants to be there and help you because she knows you’re worth it. And life goes up and down for everyone, sometimes you’re in a tough period and need support from loved ones and other times you feel better and can give support to others when they need it! It’s something that evens out in the long run. Do everything you can to treat this awful illness and then take it from there. I know it’s not easy, but I hope it works out.