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Member Since 13 Sep 2020
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#627122 I can’t feel the presence of others

Posted by lost235 on 25 November 2020 - 02:13 PM

Hi. So this is probably another symptom that lots of people have and I’ll just have to wait it out, but it’s really bugging me. I can no longer spend time with anyone but myself because everyone else feels unreal. I can’t feel their presence, it’s like I’m looking at a hologram or something. I’ve tried to interacts with my family but they feel so fake, it’s scaring me so much. I guess this is just another rant, but this symptom is by far one of the worst I’ve had. Because my family doesn’t look real, there’s no way I can get to school either. And I can’t talk to my parents about it because it’s like speaking to aliens. I just feel so claustrophobic, I’m not sure what to do. Once again I end up feeling like I’ve lost my mind entirely. I feel myself panicking even walking into a room where someone. Not sure how much more of this I can take. It’s getting real hard trying to fight my way out of this. Has anyone else felt this way?

#627118 What’re some of your best tips?

Posted by lost235 on 25 November 2020 - 01:22 PM

For me, focus and mindfulness meditation have helped me a ton! Also, I like to notice as many details as possible to get me out of my head. For example, if I go on a walk, I notice the different colors in the trees, how the light reflects on different objects, what people are wearing, windows, what people are doing, grass blowing in the wind, the way gravity feels, how my feet feel against my shoes, the air against my skin, smells, etc. Looking around this way can help take you out of your conceptual mind and see things a little clearer, and the focus can calm your mind. Just try to observe non-judgementally.

Hope this helps!

Thanks so much! It’s for sure difficult to sense those sort of things and I’ve noticed that it takes a lot of practise, but I’m sure it’ll help a ton when I get it right. I’ll for sure try that out if I manage to get outside lol! And yes, this is difficult when you’re deep in the dpdr, but as I said the small things can really help! Thanks:)

#626966 Uncomfortable first person (possible trigger)

Posted by lost235 on 19 November 2020 - 05:19 PM

Hi! Just wanted to let you know you’re totally not alone in this. I’ve also sometimes felt like I’m in a VR game of some sort which is sooo weird and scary but I truly believe it’s just a dpdr symptom.

Personally I’ve noticed that most of my symptoms are the same, they’re just explained differently from time to time. So while i sometimes feel like I’m in a VR game, that’s the exact same thing as having reality look a little deformed, or looking at your hands and not feeling connected to the body. And for me, the actual idea of everything looking like a simulation or VR is what terrifies me, because I start to wonder what would happen if it was true. But the actual sensation isn’t as horrible as I make it to be. The thoughts is what makes it worse.

I don’t have any specific tips other than to stop obsessing over the feeling that everything looks deformed. I know that’s literally impossible in the moment but try maybe writing down exactly what you’re feeling and then deciding to leave it at that. It’s truly the thoughts that are increasing the feeling. It’s like an endless circle; uncomfortable and scary symptoms lead to catastrophic thoughts, which leads to anxiety, which leads to more symptoms and then even more catastrophic thoughts. This is why it’s best to try to decrease our catastrophic thoughts.

If you don’t find it comforting to write down what you feel, I’ve got a technique that’s helped me quite a bit. (I learnt this in CBT therapy so it might not be for everyone but consider trying it out!)

•Try and think about your symptom/catastrophic thought (for example you going insane).
•How much do you believe in this thought from 1-100?
•What’s your proof that this might be true? (In this case what’s the proof that you’ll go insane?)
•Which arguments speak against your fear of going insane?
•How would someone else look at this situation? Is there any logical explanation?
•How strongly do you believe in these thoughts now?

If this won’t help you. Know that you’re not going insane. This disorder/anxiety symptom or whatever it is will not make you insane, and you’re not insane for having it either. I’ve had a lot of scares where I have literally felt like I’ve lost it completely, you’ll see some of my posts on here lol. These symptoms might make you feel like the only possibility is that you have gone crazy, but you haven’t trust me. The human mind is super weird, it’ll make our bodies and thoughts change a lot even when we don’t want it to. But it’s completely natural. This is a defence mechanism, nothing more. Also what’s comforted me a lot is knowing that if I was going insane, I wouldn’t have noticed it. And I can tell you’re really anxious about all this, which only proves that you’re not crazy.

These techniques and mindsets I’m talking about, they’re not easy. But as time goes by you might find yourself feeling a bit better. Some days are worse, some days are better, and some days you might just want to give up. But please don’t. I know the feeling trust me. This weird “disorder” is pure torture, but hold on for just a little bit longer. It’ll get better eventually even if recovery seems far away. Lots of people need you here, so keep going! You matter and you’re so much stronger than these symptoms.

Also, we’re almost exactly the same age and really want you to know that it’s really not the end for you. Yeah this sucks but when you’re out of it you’ll appreciate life so much more. We’ve got a lot more to experience so don’t give up!

#626804 hi all its been awhile i need a bit of help

Posted by lost235 on 11 November 2020 - 11:45 AM

Hi Jc! I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way, but also happy that you decided to put up a post here, this means that there’s still some fight in you left.
I totally understand the situation you’re in. I myself have been feeling quite hopeless for a while now, and although we might not actually be in the same situation, I get what you’re feeling in a way.
I wish I’d known more about you, it’d make it easier for me to help you. Do you have a job? Any pets? Is there any reason that might have caused an increased feeling of hopelessness? You don’t have to answer but I’d really like to help you.

The priority in your situation would be to go talk to someone, a therapist maybe? I don’t know what your financial situation is, also don’t know how much it costs where you live, but I’d say that is for sure a very important step. I know that might be difficult since COVID and everything, but consider even just video-chatting with someone who can help. If you find a good one, it can make a huge difference and they can usually help with issues like panic attacks, agorophobia, depression etc. If you don’t have access to a therapist, there are great accounts on Instagram, and lots of sights here on the internet that have lots of good tips that I can recommend.

I don’t have any special cure for getting out of it, but I hope you choose to go on. Life can be so so hard but if you manage to find something that brings you joy, even if it’s the tiniest thing for a brief moment, you gotta keep going. And if you can’t find that right now, keep looking. It’s gonna be hard and it’s gonna take a lot, but it’s worth it for sure.

I think it’s brave that you keep living even if you don’t know how to anymore, and it’s brave that you wake up everyday facing the same battles as you did the day before. This shows just how strong you are, so don’t lose hope in yourself. Find something that keeps you going. You’re not alone in this, and you’ve come too far to give up. There is help to get.

Idk if this helped at all, but I hope you keep going, I believe in you!

Wishing you all the best.

#626800 Am I handling this right?

Posted by lost235 on 11 November 2020 - 05:25 AM

Hey lost235,

Your planning seems fine to me, when it comes to economizing your energy, because it is obvious that you are really trying to keep everything going on, in spite of how difficult it all must be for you rn. And you are by no means lazy, the effort that you put into things is quite obvious from what you wrote.

However, I think you really need some help with what you are going through, ideally from a therapist who has experience with treating dissociation and anxiety (as not all therapists know or even understand DPDR). Also, sometimes parents, or anyone else close to us, do not understand something that they have not been through themselves. A good therapists can give you the right tools to handle that as well.

Take care,

Hi Anna! Thanks so much for the reply, I really appreciate it:) it’s good to know that I’m doing a fine job planning out what I can manage to do through the week. I’ve been feeling, as I said, very lazy for not being able to do everything that people expect from me.

I’m already seeing a therapist who I feel doesn’t really understand how much I struggle with dissociation, I’m not sure she’s even considering that as a possible “disorder”. I’ll try to find someone who is more familiar with my symptoms, hopefully one that understands me a bit more!

Again thanks so much!:)

#626764 Dp manual?

Posted by lost235 on 08 November 2020 - 11:36 AM

It can work, but it's no magic cure. I think there's nothing in the manual you don't already know, I have the manual. He just explains that it's stress/anxiety. And that you should live your life as normal as possible and distract yourself, basically that's it. I don't think you need to buy a manual to get that knowledge lol.

Ahh okay I get it. That’s what I thought it would be. I’ve already been told that a million times by therapists and such, so I won’t be purchasing it I guess. Thanks for the response tho!

#624692 My story. Am i going well?

Posted by lost235 on 22 October 2020 - 01:50 PM

Hi! I would say you’re doing well! I’ve had all the symptoms you’re describing and lots of more, and it’s good to hear that you’re feeling better. You didn’t mention how long this all been going on for you, but I’ve been experiencing it since the beginning of July, and it’s still something that affects my everyday life. Although I feel the exact same way that you describe, that something is “off”, it’s like the dpdr is kinda there but also kind of not? I think this is something that everyone experiences during recovery when it comes to any type of anxiety based symptoms. When it’s been going on for a while it’s hard to imagine how it was before. Something that’s really helped me is to not try to feel as I used to do before this, because it won’t lead me anywhere. If I keep doing that then I’m constantly thinking about the dissociation, that won’t really help when trying to get better. I try to look forward and not in the past. I’m not saying that you won’t go back to how you were before, you most definitely will! But that won’t happen if you obsess over feeling how you used to feel. I’m not an expert in all this, just experiencing it all at the moment, but I think you’re doing great! To me it’s impressive that you’ve moved from Romania to Oxford even with dpdr, I think that’ll really help you in recovering! :) it’s normal to feel as something is off when the derealisation-feelings disappeared, I think it would be rather weird if you didn’t feel as if something is missing. When you’ve been feeling a certain way for a long time it’s obviously going to have some effect on you when it disappears. Anyways, I think you’re doing great! Keep going, you’ll be alright :)

#623342 Has anyone had a similar onset? My story

Posted by lost235 on 12 October 2020 - 02:38 PM

Hi! You’re really not alone in this. I’m a 16 year old girl, and my whole life has turned around since my dp/dr started. I’ve also always had these moments where I’ve felt disconnected ever since about 6th grade maybe. But they didn’t last long at all and I didn’t put any thought on it. Since the beginning of July this year I’ve experienced extreme dp/dr, and so many symptoms.
I would say this whole thing also started from a depressive episode and a lot of anxiety. I’ve always dealt with a lot of anxiety before but in June I was extremely depressed and suicidal. As I said, I’ve dealt with a whole lot of symptoms ever since. It seems as though most people on this forum think they’re symptoms are the worst, but honestly we’re all just going through this horrible thing. Your whole description in ‘AFTERMATH’ is exactly how I’ve felt! It’s this whole mix of depression, anxiety, dissociation, fear etc. Some days are hopeful because you read motivating things on the internet, some days are worst because your whole vision of the world is fucked. For me, my house seems unfamiliar, my parents look like aliens (just as you described) so I honestly also don’t want to look at them anymore because it’s so freaky. I can’t even go out anymore without a constant fear of going insane or doing something weird or having a panic attack, it’s horrible. My memory also sucks, and I can’t recognise myself in the mirror or personality-wise. Some days are better like you said, but suddenly you’re hit with this horrible feeling that everything around you is unreal. A lot of the times I’m convinced I’m dreaming. And I can’t even see any pattern, there’s no reason to why it suddenly gets worse, it just does. And everything you explain in “FREEFALL”, I feel the exact same. It’s crazy how much I relate to you honestly. I’ve also been struggling a whole lot in school, there’s no way for me to get my grades up with this disorder.
So I’m sort of in the same boat as you, and I don’t know any better, but just know you’re not alone. The symptoms you described is what dp/dr is.
From what I’ve read, it does get better over time. Dp/dr is the brains reaction to anxiety and depression, it’s built in us from our ancestors. It’s a way of the fight or flight response, and is not life threatening or anything, even if it’s unbearably uncomfortable and scary.
You should for sure still exercise and run! I wish I could honestly. It’s great for the mental health and a good way to distract yourself. If you expose yourself to the things that are hard, it will eventually feel better, or at least less scary. I don’t know if you’ve talked with your therapist about your dp/dr, but mine have given me some good tips!

• When the dp/dr gets really, really bad (for me it’s when I leave the house on my way to some place), try and point out as many things as you can see, hear, smell or feel as possible. But do it one at a time, really think about everything you see for a good few minutes, then move on to maybe what you hear.

• Listen to podcasts. For me anyway, it’s really helped to listen to podcasts when I for example clean or cook, because I concentrate on what they’re saying instead of what I feel.

• Drink green tea! This honestly sounds ridiculous, because tea obviously won’t solve all your problems, but it really helps to calm down anxiety.

• Keep being social. Don’t quit hanging out with people. I isolated myself and it became a lot worse. Just keep doing what you usually do and eventually it will feel less scary. (Believe me I know it’s easier said than done but it’s necessary)

• Don’t look at the negative posts on this forum. A lot of them will stress you out, such as people who says they’ve had it forever. It will most likely not be the same for you. Instead, look at recovery stories and “managing dp/dr”. You mentioned that those motivate you so just do that, don’t look at anything that can make your anxiety worse.

I don’t know if this will help you, but it makes me sad that someone else is feeling as shitty as I am. If you’re feeling suicidal, just keep going. I myself just want to give up, but you have to believe that this will past, and there’s so many reasons to stay.
(Also sorry for my shitty grammar but I’m writing this in a hurry and English is not my first language lol)

I hope things work out for you! Just remember you’re not alone and this is not something unbelievably weird even if it feels like it. :)