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Member Since 13 Jun 2020
Offline Last Active Jun 13 2020 09:21 AM

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Not feeling 100% back the person I used to be

13 June 2020 - 09:26 AM

Hello everyone. I’ve had this disorder for quite some time now. I would say roughly 2-5 years? Not sure. And for the most part, I’m able to be at peace with my mind. I’m able to settle the physical numbness my body creates. I’m able to combat the thoughts that go through my head over the course of some days to just accept that these are just thoughts. However, I have a hard time struggling with the deeply rooted belief that My brain won’t ever get back to how it was whenever I didn’t smoke weed. I only smoked weed like 1-3 times. But I just fear that since it made me get this disorder it must have harmed the way I think resulting in a damaged brain. I need help because whenever I go back with this belief in my head, it doesn’t seem to just go. It always comes back resulting in a gut wrenching feelings. I do have a lot of guilt for smoking weed so I think it might be in correlation with that? Not sure.

I just don’t feel like I can FULLY exist in the moment. I would say I’m like 90% recovered with that 10% lingering around all the time making me feel like I can’t fully get back to how things were before. Does anyone have advice for this? Does anyone feel the same way? Please let me know. I would like to hear how everyone grounds themselves in the moment so that they can enjoy what’s going on around them.