I remember your posts:) You are hyper-analytical and introspective, as most people around here, and for most part, as far as I can remember, your observations were correct.
There is perhaps one thing that you may have not yet taken into account - I know it took me a while unitl I understood that - and that is the dynamics of illness/recovery, as there can be a pattern in the way you are processing things.
I am at a good place rn, but it has been a fierce struggle, since the end of 2016. I would go to therapy, get better, live my life for a while (a year and a half), and get worse again. Then the same thing again: 6 months therapy, get better, live my life (approximately a year and a half, haha), and get worse. And now, I am at the end of the thirds 6-month therapy, it helped a lot. However, the difference now, that I know what I am dealing with, is that I can expect to deal with some of it again. I think that my mind has a way of activelly "attacking" the issues that need to be dealt with in therapy, and it can go on for approximately six months, but then it needs time to integrate all that, recuperate, and then it comes back with: hey, guess what, lol? here's the new topic/problem to deal with, lol!
But that is ok. I appreciate all that I have done for myself in the meantime, and I respect my struggle. I recognize how difficult it was, and I do not compare myself to some unattainable standard. I am setting the standard for myself.
Sure, this may not be the case with you, but perhaps it is worth considering how our inner capacities for recovery work, and if there are some intervals that you can recognize as stages in your recovery.
Good luck, and take care,
- Findmywayhome likes this