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AnnaGiulia

Member Since 04 Feb 2020
Online Last Active Today, 08:24 AM
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Posts I've Made

In Topic: more about me

Yesterday, 04:47 AM

Hey ayesha,

 

Tnx for reminding me of that grounding technique...I also rely on the scent a lot, to bring me back, in particular scented candles, and herbal teas, and some cosmetic products, anything really that I found has a soothing effect.

 

Another thing that helped me a lot was spending time with animals, them being gentle and loving as animals can be.

 

I also learned to appreciate joking and comedy and laughter again...perhaps I never lost the appreciation, but I was too involved into trying to find the way out of this...however, the way out of it is through it, so a little bit of laugh can only help along the journey.

 

Best,

A.smile.png


In Topic: more about me

30 May 2020 - 03:14 AM

Hey ayesha23,

 

It is nice to meet you!

 

I totally identify with flashbacks part, I was abused too.

I am 44, lol, and it took me what some people would call a lifetime to face the abuse and its consequences.

 

It is sad to have the people who were supposed to nurture you and to protect you do exactly the opposite. They do not deserve to call their children their own, and they have no right whatsoever over their lives. I am done with sadness, and I am done with hoping for some love to come through that channel. They had their chance, and they blew it big time. F.ck them.

 

Hope you will find a way to deal with flashbacks and stuff...

 

Take care,

A.


In Topic: My own reflection exhausts me?

30 May 2020 - 02:57 AM

Hey Rei, I am not DPd atm, but I still have a problem with my reflection...it is almost triggering for me, if I look too long at the mirror, I can feel the DP hovering over me, but then I do not get DPd...I have the same problem with photographs, so it is not just a reflection thing...perhaps it has more to do with identifying with oneself, than with DP? Idk, this is just some wild guess, I didn't put much thought into it, but I was intrigued by your account...


In Topic: How do you find the cause?

30 May 2020 - 02:37 AM

Have you recovered?

I am not DPd for almost two months now, and I resolved a lot (if not all) of my issues regarding my primary family (I fit very neatly into the model that Saschasascha described above, basically to the word), so my anxiety also subsided.

 

I need to say, however, that although I was anxious my whole life, most of it DPd or dissociated (which I didn't realize until I was diagnosed with DPDR 3,5 years ago, because that was the only reality that I knew), and struggled a lot, I had a number of coping mechanisms that allowed me to be academically and professionally successful, to achieve basically everything that I set my mind to, and to be quite good at it. It would be all just more enjoyable and more fully lived and appreciated if I were able to tackle those issues earlier, and if it wasn't motivated by my attempts to cover up for my irrational sense of inadequacy, and live up to the roles I designed for myself.

 

I don't know if I will be DPd again, but it is possible, because that switch is so easily turned on in me, especially around stressful moments in life. But now that I know more about myself, and the way that mechanism functions in me - and I need to emphasize "in me", because you will see that people here have it for all different reasons, and it also manifests differently in different people - I am able to have more compassion for myself, to treat myself with more self-love and understanding, and not to be too judgemental about myself and constantly try to "fix" myself so that I fit some imagined ideal of who I thought I should be.


In Topic: How do you find the cause?

29 May 2020 - 03:54 PM

Well, what I found helpful about communities such as this one, is that you have to explain yourself to a bunch of strangers, who never met you, and probably never will; in order to do that, you need to think hard of how to articulate everything that is going on with you, and in this process of looking for help, you are actually helping yourself. This is what I can read from your last sentence, as you have already given yourself the best advice possible, lol: express yourself, and resolve the issues that cause you stress.

 

I can identify with a lot that you have said, especially the anxiety part. I always had it, and it made my life really difficult, trying all the time to behave and look as if I were fine, while in reality I was constantly hyper-alert to everything around me. It was freaking exhausting, doing that all my life, and I was really good in covering it all up...and I am twice your age, so look at it from the bright side - it is better to resolve it in your 20s than your 40s, lol...It sucks, but hey, that's life...

 

I was also deeply convinced that anxiety is not the (only) cause of my DPDR, but that these are related in some other way. It turned out that I was right, but that is another story - I did have some unresolved issues underneath all that anxiety and DP, and I had to go really way back to unearth them and face them.