nestor1917 - Viewing Profile: Posts - Depersonalization Community

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Member Since 03 Feb 2020
Offline Last Active Oct 09 2020 01:09 PM

Posts I've Made

In Topic: Recovered after 6 years!

03 September 2020 - 11:21 PM

Hi! Want to ask you. Have the afterimages gone and brain fog?

In Topic: Recovered after five years

11 August 2020 - 11:34 AM

blurry vision, static vision with afterimages light sensitivity and slight double vision from bright objects, still have slight double vision if i am tired but its mostly gone

Oh,have the afterimages gone?

In Topic: Recovered after five years

11 August 2020 - 12:03 AM

Which visual disturbances did you have?

In Topic: 99% Recovered After 10 years - This Is How I Did It (video)

17 July 2020 - 12:38 PM

Yes sure. Symptoms were: DP - experiencing my body as not my own, feeling detached from it like I'm someone elses body, feeling like a robot, physically and emotionally numb, emotions were not my own, voice was not my own, brain fog, pressure in my head, pain was not my own.
DR: detachment from reality and others, like i was in an endless lucid dream i could not wake up from, everything seeming unreal, people seeming fake, like "NPC" characters in a video game, I would see strongly a 3D static haze everywhere I went and looking at things for about 40 seconds would create "after-images" like negative ghost images of them.
All of the above created:
Massive concentration problems, massive short term memory problems - couldnt remember basic things or what happened a few minutes ago when it was really bad, perception of time was all over the place, felt like time didnt exist, "missing" time, like it just vanished from it and I couldnt remember anything that happened in between, loss of purpose, life seemed pointless, felt like i was dead but alive at the same time, intrusive negative thoughts (from anxiety and depression) experienced high anxiety levels or complete emotional numbness, this all put a strain on relationships and every day basic living.
Yes I had many days where I was absolutely exhausted and just stayed in bed, anxiety was draining and depression from it made things seem completely pointless - no energy. I had to quit my job because I just couldnt even do it, and went for therapy several times and did my own research, study and practice for years over and over again, each time making some progress and gradually getting back into work and building a normal life. At its worse I couldnt really function beyond doing just basic survival things because anything else would either become complicated or seemed pointless.
Writing this seems like an entire world away because of how things are so different for me now thankfully.

Oh mate, have the static and after images gone?

In Topic: Update after being Cured

03 February 2020 - 03:32 AM

Thank you!



I know people on here frequently reject Harris Harrington for a variety of reasons, but I think Harris' neurobiological understanding of DP being a dis-integration between parts of the brain makes sense and it has to do with unprocessed trauma. I think more than unprocessed trauma, it also (for me) had to do with being in denial that I was being somewhat of a codependant slave to my mom who did a lot of thinking and deciding for me in my life long past the point of adolescence. I think that was a necessary ingredient where the sleep apnea just made things worse, but I could be wrong, it's possible I would've never passed a threshold of psychological stress that led into DP had I not had sleep apnea. The acute onset of DP was after having a panic attack while smoking marijuana, but these conditions were present in the background, it was probably just a trigger; I had transient DP before it became chronic.


I don't want people to think I'm misconstruing being in a constantly sleep-deprived state with DP. I think it significantly exacerbated DP, but the root cause was interpersonal trauma from growing up with a narcissistic parent and being a codependent while also being highly sensitive.


I'd be interested if DP sufferers are disproportionately Westerners as I feel like that could validate that there are some philosophical/spiritual components as well. Where my definition of spirituality of here is "meaning of life" and "reason to wake up in the morning". 



I wish I was better at writing. I'll try and update my post over time.

Mate could you say the dose of modafinil you used? The scheme you used, how did you avoid tolerance. I'm one mirtazapine, planning kickin in some modafinil