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indigo-alice

Member Since 10 Jan 2020
Offline Last Active Jun 04 2020 06:03 PM
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Posts I've Made

In Topic: time and memory existential thoughts

24 January 2020 - 08:02 PM

Anyway, I'm getting off these forums again for a little while and will probably check back in a week or two. I honestly recommend anybody else to do the same, its good to stop feeding your mind new dp/dr stuff for a while and give it some fresh material to work with!  


In Topic: time and memory existential thoughts

24 January 2020 - 07:46 PM

You're so right about not realising until you're anxious, it's crazy all the things we take for granted when we're in our normal state of mind, whatever that is! While this journey is a hard one its made me appreciate my memories and time so much more - we are so lucky to have them even if they are confusing for us at the moment. Memories should be cherished and I'm sure in years to come our memories of this struggle will remind us how strong we are and what we are capable of enduring.

It's the nature of obsession for logic not to make you happy or satisfied - which is why it's important to do rather than think, as at the moment we aren't fully in control of our thoughts but we do have control over our bodies. For example someone with OCD who is obsessed with germs knows logically that they most likely haven't caught a deadly disease from touching a door handle, but the obsessive mind can't rest until they know for sure. In order to combat that they need to accept that, yeah, they might have some deadly virus but it isn't worth  completely stopping everything/carrying out compulsions until they have the all clear. It's a similar thing for us. The nature of time is weird and scary and we will never know for sure where the past is or what memories are, but we need to carry on even though we're freaked out and let our experiences help us understand, rather than trying to think our way out.

 

You seem like a very strong person and I am sure that relaxation will come to you in time. And when it does you will definitely have earned it! :) I remember reading something on here about time seeming like an enemy right now but that it will actually a good friend if you allow it to be - I find it helpful to remind myself of that when I feel really down.


In Topic: time and memory existential thoughts

24 January 2020 - 05:32 PM

Hi everyone, I just wanted to give a little update and hopefully give you guys some hope if you have been struggling with similar issues to me :) 

 

Since this post I have been trying my hardest to live my life and stay away from these forums as much as I can - and I am beginning to see improvements. I have moved back to Uni and even though it has been really difficult, I have been making myself go to classes and go out with friends no matter how terrible I feel, and I am glad to say things seem to be slowly looking up. Talking about memories with friends has helped me to realise that this is the nature of human experience - we are all the same. We all store our own timelines within our minds, and while these moments are fleeting and only last a short while but they are stored inside us forever and help us to make sense of the world. Trying to figure out the nature of time in my own head  seemed impossible, but in going out and living in the world again and connecting with people it has started to make sense again and click back into place. These types of obsessive thoughts are impossible to logic your way out of, you just have to experience life and everything will work itself out eventually. I'm definitely not 100% yet, quite a way from it, but my attitude towards this whole ordeal has improved massively and I think that is the key to getting out of this.

Anyone struggling with this similar obsession, or just DP in general: I know all you may want to do is stay indoors and hide but please, please force yourself to get out into the world again. No matter how horrible you feel nothing can hurt you. I promise. I was literally sat in class the other day and I felt like I was about to spin off into another dimension, faint, and go psychotic all at the same time and I was terrified. But I just let myself sit with those feelings and guess what - I made it through the class and came home and felt so proud of myself. Getting back into a routine has been really helping too. When you have nothing to do all day time does seem weird, as you are literally just watching every moment pass, but since making myself go out and do things this has become less of a concern, as I am not simply watching time but living in it and making the most of it.

 

Keep going :) 


In Topic: time and memory existential thoughts

12 January 2020 - 01:07 PM

 

This video also really helps me deal with the intrusive thoughts, both with this theme and others I have struggled with. :) 


In Topic: time and memory existential thoughts

12 January 2020 - 12:38 PM

It feels good to know I am not alone, thank you :)  I'm not really sure when or why this particular fear started, I had come across it before on this forum -  but I never really thought it could be something that I could worry about, but yet here we are! My fears have come in waves, first it was Solipsism, then it was the end of the world and the vastness of space and now it's this time thing. Something that helps me is to just think of the chance that we have of being here in the first place. For whatever reason, we are something rather than nothing and although it is mind boggling and there are things we can never understand, we have to just live and appreciate the crazy hand we have been dealt! That's how I got over the Solipsism thing and I am hoping that this is how I can get over this particular issue. With any fear, from the fear of spiders to this particular fear of time - one of the most effective ways to get over it is to expose yourself to it. Talk to people about your day, even if you're doubting it the whole time. Really the issue has the same root cause of any obsessive thought; it is an issue or a question that has no definitive answer. When I was scared about the world ending I just made myself watch documentaries about it happening and although it still scares me, my brain doesn't see it as something to flee from anymore as I voluntarily exposed myself to the thoughts without running from them. With Solipsism I just told myself "Hey, if no-one else is real the least I can do is interact with them like a big game of sims!" and eventually it didn't scare me as much and everything began to feel real again and my logical brain took over. I think if we are to enjoy life we just have to learn to accept uncertainty - or turn it into curiosity rather than fear. We'll never understand time properly, unless there is some kind of scientific breakthrough (maybe you or I can crack the code!) but until then we just have to try our best. I think people that have this issue are often very abstract thinkers, and I think a lot of my problem (I don't know if it is the same for you) is that I have too much time to think, so I am looking forward to getting back into a routine as I'm currently on a break from Uni.

 

Good luck for your job interview! It is really great you are looking for work again, when your brain has something to do the thoughts are less intense, for me anyway, and work will bring a sense of routine which will help I'm sure.

 

Thank you for your responses, it really does help to know I am not alone in this. We will be okay :)