ChadTheDeviant - Viewing Profile: Topics - Depersonalization Community

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Member Since 10 Dec 2019
Offline Last Active Jan 27 2020 10:08 AM

Topics I've Started

Need help, can I chat with someone who recovered?

18 January 2020 - 03:07 PM

I’m desperate. I don’t even know how I’m typing this. What I think is DPDR has literally stolen EVERYTHING from me. Just keeping my eyes open is second by second torment. I wake up in the morning absolutely dumbfounded and confused. The word is blurry and vignetted and it feels like my life takes place in time stamps. No fluidity. I just had a daughter and it doesn’t feel real. Nothing feels real. No emotional connection to anything. When I look in the mirror it feels like I’m standing in a room with a stranger that is staring at me. I’m ruining my family’s life. I don’t feel that I can last like this another week. I’ve had a CT scan of my head, two separate blood tests consisting of a Lyme test, lipid panels etc. ALL NORMAL. All actually GREAT. How could I have fucked myself up this bad? How can this be psychological? I feel like I only exist (barely) as the inner dialogue in my head which I’m constantly questioning cause I’m scared I’ll become schizophrenic or have a psychotic break. Or that I am already or have already. I’ve been to the ER twice, have seen three therapists (including Ben Meijer), two psychiatrists and have a prescription for Lexapro, Prozac (haven’t taken either), Ativan (tried two halves on two separate days, first one MAY have helped with anxiety) and klonopin (haven’t tried). It feels like my head is both completely full of thought, yet completely void of thought I can’t even tell anymore. It feels like every three seconds I have to remind myself of what I was doing, where I am, etc. The only reason I’m even alive and keep moving is because my brain can’t sleep for more than 7 hrs otherwise I would never want to wake up again. Can I PLEASE chat with someone on kik or Skype or something who has fully recovered from this after having symptoms this severe?

Has anyone tried sessions with Ben Meijer?

14 December 2019 - 12:00 PM

So I just recently came across a website by a therapist in the Netherlands by the name of Ben Meijer. He claims to specialize in the treatment of DP/DR as he had it between the ages of 5-25 years of age. Since 2012 he says he’s specifically tailored his practice to treating victims of DP/DR. I’ve called him and scheduled an appointment for next week. I just wanted to know if anyone has heard of him or had success with him as I’m surprised I couldn’t find anything about him in these forums.

Losing Touch With Life

10 December 2019 - 08:28 PM

Hey everybody. Been looking at many of the posts on this website and decided maybe I should finally make an account myself and post cause maybe you guys can give me some personal stories, tips and/or advice on how to find myself again. So a little background on my situation:

Had some mild social anxiety as a teenager. Very isolated and secluded. Also had mild dissociation as a teen that I didn’t know about until it’s has hit me this time and I researched it. Young life from ages 6-17 was absolutely horrific and riddled with trauma and constant stress.

Once I hit the age of 18-19, and began working and getting into the adult life, all those things left me and fell behind. Up until recently. So I moved out of state with my fiancé and lived there for almost two years. Had a BLAST living with my two brothers and fiancé and working and just living young life enjoying myself. Then, my fiancé and I decided while we were down there to buy a home! Woo! Well, the MORNING after moving into this house, we found out she was pregnant! At first I was like “oh shit”. God NO! Then I became excited! I fell into it and was so looking forward to my baby girl being born. (Elayna is her name). Well... towards the end of her pregnancy, I had gotten a couple of panic attacks at work following strong feelings of vertigo. I recognized these from when I was younger and would experience panic attacks as they always began with that damn dizziness. I also noticed a few times while I was out and about I would get very anxious when I wouldnt normally. Then we got a phone call from the hospital saying that my fiancé would have to get a c section a week away. Boom. Immediate panic attack that turned into non stop, unrelenting, horrifyingly scary anxiety all day every day for the whole week leading up to it. I somehow worked my way through and was in the surgery room for her and everything! I felt damn proud because I was petrified. I figured “now that she’s here, I won’t feel anxious anymore. It’s done. Everything will go back to normal and I can be the hard working go getter I’ve always been”. Well.. I was wrong. I started noticing while in the hospital right after her birth that I was still quite anxious. And now, it seemed like I was looking at everything through a straw. I said “it’s ok. Now you’re only anxious cause you’re in a hospital. Once we get out of here I’ll be better”. Ehh. Wrong again. Still horribly anxious when I got home, so much so that now I became ridiculously agoraphobic and even quit my salary job that I had just gotten promoted to.

Fast forward to now, and I’ve moved my family back home with her mother staying in her extra bedroom and constantly feel detached from my surroundings. I’ve even lost 40 pounds in the last two months. At first it was tons of crying and I went to a couple places seeking help to no avail and now I’m numb, anxious, can’t feel things (aside from occasional anxiety and sadness), my memory seems guffed up, I get easily distracted and side tracked, pressure in my head etc.

The real reason I’m making this post is because I’m only two months into feeling this way and am hoping those that have recovered could please give me tips and advice as well as your detailed recovery stories to offer me some hope as well as some positive reinforcement since those around me don’t quite understand. Please, DO NOT post that you’ve had this for 30000 years. Please? I can’t read that. Just positive stories and telling me how I can’t help this. Btw feel free to ask ANY questions.