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Member Since 05 Nov 2019
Offline Last Active Oct 26 2020 10:13 PM

#621918 Scared of getting lost?

Posted by imsofucked on 16 September 2020 - 12:46 PM

Hello lost235. Yes, it's horrible to be out and not feel where you are or how to get home. That my body is in different locations without me being emotionally aware of it, is very difficult and unpleasant. Worrying about being lost is entirely understandable and natural, since DPD flattens so much, but I find it better not to question where I am and instead to trust. Questioning makes it worse for me and trusting is ok because I always know as information where I am, even as DPD stops me experiencing it. Also, what is natural is still there behind the DPD 'numbing divide' and it looks after me even though I feel absent from space-time. I always get home. I hope this helps. In short, DPD leads to understandable doubt, but doubt makes it worse. It is difficult to find the 'poise' with that but trusting reality works for me practically and keeps me calmer, even as realness is obscured.

this was an incredible response. It seems as though all we really have is trust and the trust is really the only thread holding us together as the realness of the symptoms is so incredibly convincing that what were experiencing is true. Going to try to remember this response the next time i find myself spiraling or just as a constant reminder throughout the day really.

#621370 Still cured...and bringing you a book recommendation!

Posted by imsofucked on 02 September 2020 - 11:25 AM

at my first time i was fully able to experience emotions. maybe i felt like they arent like mine or they are damped but i had have real strong emotions. and my distracting with them was the key to forget this hell. i think youre right, that has something to do with neuroplasticy. but this time i have 2 major differences. 1. my emotions are 90% blunted. im not even able to feel my anxiety rightly. 2. sounds are very unfamiliar to me. this makes me think im stuck this time

if you look at a majority of the people who come back to this forum and say they relapsed or have had this a second time; they all usually say it is completely different this time and they are having symptoms they have never had before. Just because its not the same as the first time youve had it doesnt mean you are now incurable. It manifests in different ways. Part of the condition is worrying that your case is different or worse than everyone else's. I can guarantee you atleast one person on this website has experienced everything you are currently. Not saying this will make it easier for you but what i am saying is that you are 100% curable and thinking you arent will keep you in this state for far longer than you want to be in.

#621362 Still cured...and bringing you a book recommendation!

Posted by imsofucked on 02 September 2020 - 09:52 AM

Hey guys,


I'm just chipping here now to tell you that chronic dissociation (regardless of how you like to define your individual situation - "drug-induced derealisation", "chronic DPDR", "intermittent depersonalisation"..) is cured in the same way. I completely respect that this is impossible to see while trapped in the horrible, frankly terrifying symptoms that come along with things/yourself feeling 'unreal', but this is an absolute truth that you should try your best to believe.


Why? Believing this will push you 30% towards recovery. The longer you spend watching youtube videos that try and further guide you towards diagnosing yourself differently/analysing "whether you have chronic/intermittent dissociation", the more you are falling into identifying as a patient, ruminating more, etc. This will sustain your symptoms, whether they are permanent or arise sporadically.


I can tell you that I suffered from severe chronic (really 24/7) depersonalisation and derealisation triggered by drugs and sustained by 'reality-checking' and OCD tendencies. And, I managed to direct my flow away from reality/my condition, and have been 100% cured for years.


Don't let anyone tell you that chronic DPDR is a different beast in terms of recovery, for it isn't. In terms of experience, sure - there are undeniably huge differences between the experience of someone who experiences occasional dissociation when stressed and someone who permanently feels 'drugged' and dissociated.


But, let's be careful and not mix up what's interesting/valid to analyse (i.e. what could be studied and talked about) and what's relevant to recovery.


There are hundreds of things that we can scrutinise and categorise etc. when it comes to dissociative symptoms, but trust me, they are better accepted as the umbrella concept that they are and treated as so. This attitude will be seem super counterintuitive and 'overly-simplistic', but it is exactly what allowed me to slip out of (and remain free from!) the most horrendous, chronic DPDR that I believed to be "permanent and nothing to do with anxiety".


That's all - I hope this answer resonates with whoever reads it, and that it doesn't come across harsh. I'm just so, so passionate about imparting every last shred of information that I know to be true regarding this sneaky, illusory disorder (that, as a side effect, makes you want to research it excessively and make things more complex than they are!). If I see anyone talking in a way that I know to be limiting/make recovery less likely, I'll swoop in and share my two cents now that I'm totally cured. icon_wink.gif icon_razz.gif

appreciate your insight. The biggest thing i struggle with is logically i know these have to just be thoughts making me think/feel like this; but its like its so ingrained into my thoughts and feels so true that i cant grasp how this isnt my actual reality; like this is kinda how its always been its just been doormant and now im finally "awakening" to new reality. Ive just completely forgotten what normal feels like so i dont even know what im working towards if that makes sense ? I dont know if im feeling better because i dont know what im supposed to be feeling like.

#620260 I'm losing hope

Posted by imsofucked on 09 August 2020 - 06:29 PM

i can PROMISE you you are not alone. Most people look forward going to sleep at night to escape the DPDR but i dread it because i know i have to wake up and start the entire battle with my mind holding onto sanity by a thread again. Throughout my time having this i have never felt as hopeless as i do now and its scaring me aswell. Hang in there please, i promise if i can do it you can do it. Try baby steps each day and dont force too much change. All we can do.

#619848 A small survey to SSRi: Did it helps you or worsened your numbing ?

Posted by imsofucked on 23 July 2020 - 02:09 PM

the first 4 weeks taking them were absolute hell but i chose to stick it out and i would be lying if i said they didnt help me drastically.

#618978 Feel like existence, the human experience itself is weird, feel so trapped an...

Posted by imsofucked on 24 June 2020 - 11:05 PM

Not sure if it makes you feel any better and not sure if it makes me feel any better either being able to relate to someone but i can relate to everything youre saying. This last relapse i had has put me in a place youve pretty much described and its scary cause its like what feeling am i even working towards. like how will i know if ive made progress or if im even on the path to recovering when i completely cant even remember what normal or life is supposed to feel like.