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Member Since 28 Jun 2019
Offline Last Active Sep 18 2020 11:36 PM

Topics I've Started

Existent and nonexistent things

03 September 2020 - 02:06 AM

Cant delete this post so i edited it to not have the text i had before, so ignore this.

Real vs not real

08 July 2020 - 12:41 AM

How many others on here have a worrying idea, questioning if anything really exists at all or if even YOU exist at all? Like even your awareness? Its ruining me. Like as if everything perceived is the unreal stuff or even that your perception/awareness doesnt exist? I keep wondering if its possible that this whole reality doesnt actually exist.
It all started with me thinking what if i can perceive only things that dont exist, including myself.

I am so done

06 May 2020 - 07:15 AM

Im so done with fighting. Im done trying. I dont want to be here and i havent for a while. This is kinda venty more than anything. I feel like im never going to regain my emotions in a healthy way and i basically dont even want to right now. Im just so tired. I dont think im cut out for this life thing anymore. life makes literally no sense to me. I try and try and try to feel and act normal and say things i usually would but it doesnt help. The only thing different now is i dont feel anxiety over this anymore. I just dont feel anything and i dont want to feel good now, i just wish i wasnt here. I do stuff all day that makes me feel positive in a certain way, like say drawing something funny(im a cartoon artist) but the feeling it provokes i no longer crave and i havent been able to for a long time, i just do it to see if ill feel differently and to get a sense of normalcy. I dont even see a point to liking things or wanting things even. Things make no sense

I need help, i think im ruined

02 April 2020 - 01:30 PM

I feel like im actually losing my mind. When you read thi, it probably will make no sense. When i got on here before, my biggest problem was existential shit. Im over that. I think im depersonalized or something again? I started really focusing on my inner experiance. Before, i could easily say "i deserve to feel good and have a good life". But i started focusing on my emotional world so much. I started not even being able to comprehend what these things are anymore. I see these feelings i am feeling but its like they are just there. When i focus on the way it feels, i can no longer say i want to feel it. Its just...there. Im like overly aware of things. I cant feel shit anymore. Before this i was obsessed with thinking that feeling nothing was the same as feeling good because its not feeling bad...that probably makes no sense because i soon realized, no because not feeling good means im feeling bad. Point is, i realized feeling good would be better than feeling nothing. But now it seems that feeling good or happy, even peaceful seems pointless. I think about the fact im alive so im aware and all that. I experiance things these things but they dont seem to be a part of me. When i think about being calm, it makes no sense anymore, its just a feeling or thing that is there in my perception and nothing more...feeling nice or positive doesnt even appeal anymore.

I dont care or feel anything

25 March 2020 - 01:50 PM

I cant feel anything at all. No negative, no positive. In fact, i cant even understand what these are anymore. All im aware of is the fact i exist. I dont feel good or bad. I have no drive for anything. I keep thinking dying is the only logical thing to do. I dont know why id want to feel good anymore. Its just a feeling. Im just existing. My feelings arnt even real, are they? The only thing that kept me from killing myself before was to prevent others from feeling the pain of my loss but now i dont even understand pain anymore. I dont understand anything. All i know and feel is i exist.