Wow. What a difference 10 years can make.. but you are more intelligent now than you were then.... don’t down yourself so hard.... recover once, twice and 3 times.... stay off the drugs... stay sober.. do you. Enjoy your 1 life my friend. In the end..... you’ll be fine
Hello friend and welcome. I am in the same boat - but much longer and with different drugs. I’m day 55+ off a 7 year narco and oxy habit. Horrible PAWS is what you are dealing with and although there are things to help opiate withdrawal - there is nothing to help benzo or alcohol withdrawal (both of which can kill you)
I’d suggest 1 thing: riding out your addiction into recovery. Most people in recovery say they “don’t feel like themselves aka years of drug use and abuse)
If anything else - try to stop taking the Ativan or tapering down to .5 a day and making a jump.
I recommend atarax or a non addictive anxiety med.
After some time, you can decide if it truly is dpdr or just your mind healing from addiction.... many addicts have bouts of dpdr while in recovery