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Member Since 25 Aug 2018
Offline Last Active Apr 05 2019 12:18 AM

#597792 I don’t want to constantly have to distract my mind in order to cope with my...

Posted by Jix on 07 March 2019 - 04:29 AM

Im almost recovered and i can share some advice on these things. Whether itll help or not i cant say but i will try.
Existential thoughts were the worst part of my dpdr and would stay 24/7 everyday. It made everything seem absolutely pointless and absurd. This went on for a year, every single day. Only recently did they stop bothering me.

Remember that these thoughts are just thoughts. Nothings actually changed. Reality hasnt actually changed. It just seems like it. It feels like youve finally woken up to how things actually are. Think about all the random shit your mind comes up with every day. Most of it is tossed away because it doesnt seem important to you. These thoughts are literally the exact same.
If you for instance saw a bag drifting in the wind, you wouldnt immediately think "omg gravity must not be working, we're in danger" because thats silly. The same is with these existential and other thoughts. Everything is just the way it is, plain and simple. This is all there is. I had a recurrent existential thought that drove me absolutely mad thinking "why does the universe exist? We must be in like a video game thats been turned on" then id think well then what created that universe? And id dwell on concepts like infinity. This was the worst anxiety ive ever experianced in my life. But after a while, after the shock of these thoughts pass, you need to realize that nothing has really changed, you can think normally again as soon as you decide that these thoughts really dont mean anything at all. Its interesting to think about under normal circumstances but just because there is no real answers yet doesnt mean you should be afraid of them. We fear the unknown and thats ok. But remember that its totally possible to revert back to your normal way of thinking.

Try some meditation. It allows you to practice observing thoughts passively and without judgement. You can also look up on youtube people who have gotten over these thoughts and have some solid advice. A couple videos in particular really helped me over this hurdle too.

#597570 Cure

Posted by Jix on 02 March 2019 - 08:38 AM

"Dpdr is not caused by a single thing" !!??? Says who ?? " It's a mental illness" !?? And yet half of doctors have no idea what dp means. I'll tell you something you probably didn't know ,benzo and ssri withdrawal cause dp ,so does antibiotics ,vaccines ,hormone treatment even cod oil ,ex: tetracycline ,monocycline,metronidazole(ppis) ,cipro ,accutane,zpack ,medications given to people for hair growth or acne ,these are just a few things that can cause dp it doesn't mean anyone gets it but the ones that do are not so lucky. It's all over the Internet even on this forum if you search. Medication ruined my life everyday I have to fight for it literally. Another thing these symptoms don't always appear right away it slowly develops over days perhaps weeks that's why some of us can't connect the dots. I'm not a doctor I'm only speaking on my experience but if you dig deeper you will find lots of hoaxes around. I could say so much more but I'm just going to stop right here. Didn't mean to offend anyone I'm just giving my opinion. Good luck to everyone dealing with this nightmare.

I think you misunderstood. When i said "dpdr is not caused by a single thing." I ment it is not caused by one single cause. There are many things that cause it. And for the record, i did know the things you mentioned already. This thread is very heated so im going to discontinue posting on here.
I wish everyone well.

#597530 Cure

Posted by Jix on 01 March 2019 - 06:26 AM

Dpdr is not caused by a single thing. Everyone gets it for different reasons. Dpdr is the third most common mental illness after depression and anxiety. Thats ALOT of people who have dpdr and theres no way every case would be caused by an infection. However im not saying lyme and other coinfections arnt a valid cause, dont get me wrong.

I want to stress that it doesnt matter HOW you get it, recovery is still a very similar process for everyone recovered. Dpdr is a process. At first it shocks you because you no longer understand yourself or the world around you. The shock takes a while to diminish, then you have to adjust and accept whats happened to you. It takes a long time to get over everything youve felt and thought about while experiancing dpdr but once you do, your normal thought processes will begin to take over again.
Wether its caused by lyme or not, recovery for dpdr still requires you to reduce your stress about this mental illness. Dpdr literally lives on your obsession with how strange you feel.

#597016 Sleep problems

Posted by Jix on 16 February 2019 - 06:41 AM

This started after i took an antidepressant for two days and stopped cause it made my anxiety worse. But basically:
The first night was just an on going panic attack that lasted legit hours. I somehow feel asleep in the early morning hours due to complete mental exhastion. The second night, my anxiety wasnt as bad but i was still up till the morning hours. The next night, i hadnt taken the medication that day, thinking it was causing my anxiety and my existential thoughts havent been bugging me as much and my anxiety was very low that night. However, that night, last night and tonight, despite lower stress, ive had the lingering feeling that even though im super tired and have only been running on 3 to 5 hours a night, once i lay down, i am simply unable to transition into the relaxed state of consciousness to start dreaming. I dont even get the wierd flashing thoughts and images that usually come from transitioning. Before i took that medication, wether it affected me or i placeboed myself, i had very vivid dreams and most night the images and stuff before actually falling asleep were very intense. Now im not getting them at all and my dreaming is less frequent. Its such a vast change and my mind feels blank when i close my eyes now.

#596784 I dont think i can take any of this anymore

Posted by Jix on 11 February 2019 - 06:38 AM

I’ve been where you are. Exactly the same place, at least from what I’ve gathered.
When I had my DP/DR, which was 24/7 for almost 6 months, I would think about the pointlessness of things, which obviously a TOTALLY natural reaction when you feel like you can’t access your normal emotional responses to things, right?
The only things I felt were empty or sad. And those just made me bitter toward things I used to love. Not having that emotional response made me think, at that time, that same nihilist way.
I remember frantically searching for meaning in things I used to love and be so sure of, and pushing myself to the verge of panic when I couldn’t come up with anything.
Now that I’m better, and have been for nearly a decade, I can say with 100 percent confidence that those thoughts were caused by DP/DR.
And in a weird way, that sort of emotionless thinking made me realize a lot about the world, and happiness, how if you look at the bare reality of things, there’s nothing that’s intrinsically going to show you its worth. I think that’s what our brains do, with chemicals like dopamine, seretonin, etc. I don’t what that says about reality, but I think the term is depressive realism. Look it up.
Anyway, I hope that helps. Sorry for the length, and good luck.

Thanks for your insight as well. Im curious about your full process to being recovered if you wouldnt mind sharing. I just dont know how to stop these existential thoughts since they seem logical to me. Perhaps i could pm you if you were cool with that, that is?

#592200 Long post, confused as hell, need reasurrance

Posted by Jix on 01 November 2018 - 06:40 AM

Hi! You’re not alone! I’ve the same feeling, expecially when u say “im afraid i can’t UNsee”, as if like I’ve opened a door and cannot be closed.
I feel like I’m behind my eyes observing life and being in my body feels totally weird, consciousness is weird. I feel trapped.
Anyway, I truly believe this is connected to the disorder itself. I’ve already been there 7yrs ago amd totally recovered,life returned normal. Of course I don’t remember all the obsessivr thoughts I had , but I remember I felt like I was stuck in 1st person view without no way out.
I totally forgot about dp for 4 years, then it came back.
I guess there’s also a strong OCD component. The symptom feeds the thoughts, and viceversa.
I’m sure this will pass. it’s just anxiety at its higher form. But therapy is crucial in helping break the cycle.

Thanks for the reasurrance...it just feels like my whole mind thinks about everything in a whole new way and that im literally somewhere else above everything thats considered real or reality.
Do you ever feel like things you do, say, or think are controlled separately than you? Like you dont accually control those things?
Sometimes randomly theres this numbness in my hearing and i hear the sounds in my head overamplified too if that makes sense? Like its super amplified in my head but outside its quieter and it feels like my ears are suddenly plugged. Idk how to explain it. Its also sometimes accompanied by ringing from tinitis.
This always comes on suddenly and i fear ill have a stroke or something since its sudden pressure in my head and distorts my hearing...
Also sometimes if im speaking, i hear myself talking but dont feel im the one talking.

I can somewhat relate to this. I pretty much have no connection to the idea that I am just ill, because what I've experienced goes far beyond that and I see things now that I didn't before. It's got to the point where I almost feel like I can predict the future. If I experience a very specific thing, I can guarantee I'll see it again later that day.

So basically, it feels like everything u experiance is far greater than the concept of mental processes right? Like your on another plane of existence? At least thats how i describe my experiance. Im curious what you mean by predicting the future if you wanna give some examples. Im not sure if you mean a constant deja vu feeling or something different.

#591314 How dp/dr saved me

Posted by Jix on 08 October 2018 - 06:27 AM

That was quite a read.
Im glad you see your life for how it is.
Dont worry, your not a ghost no matter how convinced you may be at times.
Youve been through alot and alot of people (including myself) can relate.
As soon as ur graduated, get a job and move out as soon as you can. Thats a super toxic environment to be in and once your out, they cant hold anything above your head anymore.
A common tactic of narcisitic parents is to use guilt to make you do what they want, a common and my personal favorite from my our mom is "think about all ive done for you!" Or "ive sacrificed so much for you!" These are very emotionally manipulative.
So when you get out, create your own life, dont let your parents be a part of it and if you still want contact with your parents, make it as minimal as you can if non at all and dont let them beat you down. Your life is your own and nobody owns it but you.

#591310 List 5 facts about yourself :)

Posted by Jix on 08 October 2018 - 05:38 AM

I dont have a real exciting life plus its beyond shitty right now but here goes.

1. Im very good at drawing but have no creativity of my own (basically just draw things as they are but dont come up with my own ideas)

2.me and my family have 4 dogs, a cat, a parakeet and a turtle. Weve had many others, even an iguana!

3.i grew up a strange girl cause i loved playing outside in the dirt catching bugs and my favorite thing was catching lizards, snakes, salamanders and frogs with my dad and sister.

4.im addicted to technology (phone, texting, computer, netflix, etc) its probably contributing to my dpdr tbh.

5.im left handed, love pychology, and was always what people called "sensitive" even though im only just figuring out what that accually means.

#591302 Relateable song that helps me vent

Posted by Jix on 08 October 2018 - 05:14 AM

Its by twenty one pilots and honestly alot of the lyrics sound like dissociation and all the other junk like depression or anxiety. But listening to it helps me feel better.
In case the link doesnt work, its "taxi cab" by twenty one pilots on youtube.

#591158 Everythings changed

Posted by Jix on 04 October 2018 - 01:47 AM

How does all of that make you feel? Can you still cry? Or are you just numb? If you can still cry, you’re doing better than me. I feel just like you, like a ghost in a shell. Dp really makes you see life through the eyes of someone who’s right about to die of something. Like why should I be jealous? Why should I get angry? Right? Like what’s the point.. but the worst part is that it feels so damn empty.

Honestly, im usually numb but if i have a moid swing, the particular emotion is very intense, even happiness and usually ends because ill question why im feeling anything at all and shutdown. I agree with the "it makes you see through the eyes of someone dying" bit. I constantly think im dying or that im already dead or possibly a ghost if its real bad.

#591100 What's your worst symptom(s) at the moment ??

Posted by Jix on 03 October 2018 - 05:13 AM

Feeling that my consciousness, soul, and awareness arnt in a real, existing place ever.
Hyper aware of my awareness, like im floating eyeballs or a floating consciousness or something.
Dont know who the hell i was, am or suppose to be. It like im fractured into different feelings and sensations and missing so much and yet thinking too much at the same time.

#590830 Who else feels dpdr evolves and changes into different feelings 24/7?

Posted by Jix on 27 September 2018 - 08:15 AM

Yeah! It totally sucks! Everytime i think ive gotten over this or a particular feeling and think "i understand it now, its dumb and i shouldnt be afraid", ill feel myself sink back into that mindset and im afraid again wondering whats happening and why and think "why cant i just feel normal??"

#590510 Who else feels dpdr evolves and changes into different feelings 24/7?

Posted by Jix on 19 September 2018 - 04:55 PM

Im so glad im not alone. Like i wish it wasnt happening to anyone but its comforting to know others feel the same. I know its different per person. Its like a feeling of being dragged along in some experiance you have no control over. My own perception when i look around constantly feels new and wierd yet its always been the same feeling of just feeling unfamiliar and foreign

#590276 Who else feels dpdr evolves and changes into different feelings 24/7?

Posted by Jix on 15 September 2018 - 04:19 AM

I hate it so much. Its like this never ending limbo of scary feelings. Sometimes im so confused i dont even know if ive felt a certain feeling before cause it all feels brand new once it hits again. Ive found writing it all down helps sometimes.

#589644 Trying to live

Posted by Jix on 01 September 2018 - 02:06 AM

Its like no matter what i do, i still feel it all. Feeling detatched, everything unreal/not happening and wondering if im better or if ill get better. Existential thoughts, memories not real or no emotions attached to them, etc... Hanging with friends and stuff helps distract but i still feel like its affecting me. I wish i still had my confidence to just deal with LIVING. Everything in my life now feels different. I think about it differently and im afraid. I look at shows i used to watch like anime and know how much its affected me but i feel like it no longer feels the same. Even meaningless. Everything scares me cause im afraid of what my mind will think and process about whatever it might be. Im afraid of being alive/existing and experiancing everything like??? Wtf?

Im always afraid to close my eyes for sleeping cause it always gets worse when im super tired and confused. Its like im afraid to dream even tho it usually refreshes me? Its a vicious cycle cause my fear will build up and keep me up longer and then it makes everything way worse untill eventually i pass tf out. I wake up the next day usually tired but better and dp still there and it progressivly gets worse as the day goes on, then night comes and so on.
It feels like im so used to feeling this that i dont even know whats wrong anymore? I feel like im freaking out over nothing but then i realize im stuck in this mindset at the same time and get scared.
I always focus on my own perspective like how im staring at everything around me and wonder how its possible everyone else does the same thing and i can never really see myself doing things from another prespective. I also fear how death will affect that.

Basically, i have this all day long with a bunch of existential and death phobias and sometimes in dreams too...help?