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Fromhollandwithlove

Member Since 24 Aug 2018
Offline Last Active Yesterday, 02:58 PM
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Topics I've Started

If someone asks you what DP/DR feels like....

20 September 2019 - 07:51 AM

Let them read the following post:

 

https://www.huffpost...ociat_b_6037380

 

For me personally i'v never read such an accurate representation of how I feel 24/7. Explaining the feeling is close to impossible but this woman seemed to narrow it down pretty well.

 

The text is as follows:

 

Do me a favor. Imagine having cotton balls stuffed in your ears. Now imagine your skin sensitivity being half of what it normally is; like you’re made of plastic. Now, bite into an apple and imagine the intensity of the taste being decreased, like your tongue has forgotten how to taste. You close your eyes and struggle to distinguish what you taste as an apple.

 

Now think about where you feel is your body’s “center.” Where in your body do you identify as your core sense of self? Most people will point to the spot between the lungs, above the belly and bellow the chest. Or perhaps they identify their “self” as the place over their heart — but not you. You identify your “center” as the spot between your eyes. In fact, you are your eyes. And that is it. You are the space inside your head. You look out your eyes like they are the windows and your head is a room you are trapped inside of. You look out your eyes and down at your body to see that your body isn’t actually yours at all. You are not this body. It belongs to another person; you are just a mind observing it. Do your best to picture this perception.

 

Due to this observational perspective of the body (in contrast with an inhabiting or acting perspective), you are hyper-self-conscious. You are overly self-aware. You observe yourself moving and behaving; washing “your body” in the shower, talking to people, writing an essay, and you feel as if the movement of your body is on autopilot. The circuit between “you” and your body’s motion is broken, and you feel robotic.

 

Now look at your surroundings. Imagine some almighty force were to suck the life out of everything, similar to the way the light would leave someone’s eyes as they pass. The world around you loses its brightness and softness. Everything is flat, dull, and unfamiliar. Things sparkle less, cars lose their glossy finish, trees sway lifelessly, and you are left with a strange shell of the life you once knew. Sometimes when you look at someone’s face, things blur and sway. The mechanics of their facial structure are subtly altered, almost comparable to when everything in a room as been moved an inch to one side and for some reason becomes unsettling. People begin to look like aliens to you; even your loved ones. What is a person really? Sometimes you stare at the back of your hands trying to figure it out. This brings me to my next point.

 

On top of all of this, imagine you are high. You are on a different level than everyone else. You feel a different vibe. This is constant, from the second you wake up to the second you fall asleep, and as you sleep I assume as well. Sometimes you come down and sober up for maybe 30 seconds. This happens once or twice a month, and because you aren’t used to this sober perception it is perceived similarly to a hallucination. The cotton momentarily leaves your ears, shadows are magnified and shapes transform to become three dimensional for a moment before returning to a dull state once again.

 

Now, imagine what it means to become your mind. Your identification with your body and your world is lost, and your mind is all you have left. This is where obsessive thinking begins. You are hyper aware of every thought that crosses your mind. No thought goes unnoticed by your consciousness. As you read these words, focus carefully on how they sound in your mind. Sound the words out in your mind and hear them clearly in your head. Now turn up the volume so these words are the forefront of everything. Your thoughts are louder than all the sounds around you by tenfold. Now imagine these thoughts could not contain spaces between them. The gap is always filled with a word or sound. Even when you try to meditate the space between thoughts is filled with words, sounds, frustration, and mental exertion. Sometimes if you try and meditate, closing your eyes sends your mind spiraling. You end up talking yourself in circles. Think back to the last time you couldn’t fall asleep because you were thinking anxiously, going over something again and again. Quadruple this mental noise and that is how your mind now works 24/7.

 

Now imagine your chest physically cannot expand. Take the tiniest breath possible in through your nose, and stop. This is all you can physically breathe no matter how hard you try. Take this perception in. This is a dissociative disorder, depersonalization/derealization to be exact, and this happens to people.

 

Picture living your life, maybe as a college student, and thinking everyone felt this way. Other people seem to be at ease, and you think maybe you’re just high strung. Other people don’t question what their reality is, and you think maybe you’re just too curious. Other people are not self-conscious as they observe themselves socializing; maybe you’re just shy. Yet all the time there is this looming unknown question you can’t shake; this feeling that something isn’t quite right. Until one day you look in the mirror and suddenly, you wake up from a dream. This happens to people, and this happened to me.


Seroquel/Quetiapine during daytime

16 August 2019 - 05:12 AM

Hello everyone,

 

I'm trying to avoid this forum as much as possible, but when it comes to medical advice i'd rather take it from people who have experienced dpdr (and not my psych)

 

I have been taking Seroquel for sleep for about 7/8 months now. 25mg at first, but lowered it down to 12.5mg since it sedated me too much during the early mornings. 

 

Seroquel has been the only the med for me that actually gives me glimpses of emotions, but shortly after I can't battle the sleep, get drowzie af and get knocked-out.

 

Now I'm wondering what would happen if I take it during the day? Would 25mg or 12.5mg knock me out as it does during bedtime? I have been reading stories about people on reddit taking 25mg during the day for anxiety and they never really talk about fatigue/sedation. My psych told me to up the bedtime dose to 50mg, cause it will last longer during the day, but 50mg just made me feel horrible, super zombie-like (felt like blank-mind).

 

Anyone on this forum that has experience taking Seroquel during the day? And what could I possibly expect? 


What to do with Sertraline? (5 weeks now)

15 January 2019 - 01:21 PM

Hello everyone, 

 

Right now I'v been taking Sertraline for over 5 weeks. First 3 weeks 50mg and now 2 weeks 100mg. 

 

When I was taking the 50mg I had 2 days around the 2.5 week mark where I felt connected to my emotions and I just felt good! I thought I made it, but it only lasted 2 days sadly.. I went to my psychiatrist and he upped my dose to 100mg.. Still feeling increased anxiety, depression and feeling more zoned-out (dp feels worse). 

 

Should I stick it out and wait longer? I'm so scared and dissapointed every day to not feel any difference at all (specially because I had those wonderful 2 days!!).. I feel okay in the morning, but when I take the 100mg I just feel like shit again which lasts till nighttime.. 

 

--

 

Btw I'm also using 25mg Seroquel for sleep (I'm really happy with this medication) and sadly I'm still using very low doses of Lorazepam throughout the day because the anxiety from the Zoloft is just way to much..

 

 


Anyone able to provide a link for the Harris Harrington program?

25 December 2018 - 03:51 PM

As the topic title suggests.. 

 

I'm looking for a download link to view the Harris Harrington videos.. I'v already spend so much money on stuff that's supposed to help and nothing really did so.. 

 

I'm willing to donate some money IF the videos actually help me.

 

Thanks in advance

 

Don't bother replying if you just wanna bash Harris, I just want to see if it's something that COULD work for me :) 


Starting Journal - Zoloft + Seroquel + Ativan

10 December 2018 - 07:21 AM

Hello everyone,

I have been on Seroquel (25mg) at nighttime for about 10 days now (which finally made me able to sleep). I wouldn't say its giving me GOOD sleep, it just gives me sleep (still having weird dreams and waking up sometimes during the night). Also still experiencing extreme anxiety when waking up.

I have also been using Ativan for about 3 weeks now (3x 0.25-0.50 mg a day).

The above reduced my symptoms by a lot as it reduced my anxiety! I had terrible existential OCD and was very suicidal, so taking seroquel and ativan really saved me. Taking Ativan also eliminated the symptom of feeling numb (I couldn't feel my own body, felt invisible or a ghost). It made me feel like I'm in my body.

By taking the above I am actually able to socialize and 'relax' a bit more. It give me a 'fuck-it attitude'.


Symptoms left:
- Dimmed mind (thoughts are not flowing naturally)
- Dimmed inner monologue (I have to force my inner monologue)
- Emotions are non-existent
- Depressed feeling (No motivation at all and no pleasure in doing anything)
- Complete autopilot feeling (I just do and say stuff without thinking about it)
- No emotional connection to anyone or anything
- Feeling like I'm not 'experiencing' anything, unable to focus
- Memories don't feel like my own
- No sense of 'self'. Constantly have to remind myself who I am.
- Just rational thinking left basicly.
- Family/friends look the same but they feel unfamiliar (just as my surroundings do)

Been having these symptoms chronicly for about 2 months now (onset is about 10 months now).

My memory is actually still pretty good. Never really had problems with that. Memories just don't feel like mine.

---

Today I'm adding 25mg Zoloft to the cocktail (gonna go up to 50mg when I'm used to the sides).

Gonna try to keep a journal here for everyone smile.png

Wish me luck!


---

Update day 4:
First couple of days were very manageble. 4th day is getting harder (increased anxiety and constant onset of a panic-attack, I can feel it brewing).
No cignificant changes dp wise (slight increase in DP, because my anxiety is hightened). Even tho I felt pretty good during the evenings (maybe because the anxiety settles down and it's just relevating).

Update day 12:
Went up to 50mg about 5 days ago. When I upped my dose to 50mg, I actually felt really good that day (moodwise).
But the following days I felt a lot more 'out-of-it'. Anxiety is also increased by a lot and intrusive thoughts are getting worse (Probably because of the increase in anxiety).
As I'v been told, the first couple weeks are gonna be worse, so just gotta stay strong and maybe do something more social (I'm just playing videogames the whole day to pass the first weeks).

Update day 22:
On day 19 and 20 I had very good days where I didn't really notice any dissociation. I felt very good and felt connected to my family. Day 21 and 22 were horrible, increased anxiety and horrible depression. Maybe its the medication that's still adjusting.

Will update again in a week.