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Fromhollandwithlove

Member Since 24 Aug 2018
Offline Last Active Nov 10 2019 04:01 PM
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#608434 I suffered with severe DP/DR for a long time. I got over it. I want to help o...

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 28 October 2019 - 08:59 AM

First of all, congrats on being recovered!! 

What an amazing post. There hasn't been a post like this for a long time, so thank you for using your precious time. 

 

I'v been dp'd for about 2 years now and I'v had better and worse times. In retrospect i think the best times were when I started dating again, forcing myself to be with friends (So NOT isolating). 

Right now I'm in a very rough patch again, but reading this just reinforces the believe that socializing and just LIVING is the way to recover or atleast make things MUCH better. 

 

I also believe that dpdr is a combination of severe anxiety and OCD. Sometimes I can feel better but because of recurring obsessive thoughts I can slip back into a depressive state within seconds. So staying inside that positieve mindset flow is so important. 

 

Again, thank you for making this post! I'm gonna try my best to start seeing friends again and making socializing a top priority. 




#606976 Alternative to Seroquel?

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 27 September 2019 - 05:45 AM

I'm gonna follow this. I'm also on seroquel for sleep (taking 12.5mg is enough for me right now). 25mg for sleep and i'll  be groggy all day long. 

 

Has anyone been on Quetiapine before and switched to a new medication that works the same or better (not worsening dpd)?

I'm on it mostly for insomnia now and helps with anxiety. My concern is around the fact that it's not good for people with heart history or diabetes. I haven't been diagnosed but have a family history of both so who knows

So if you have any good experience with an alternative without drastic side effects -sounds impossible for antipsychotics but- share please

 

Are you also taking seroquel during the day? I'v always wondered what would happen if I took it during daytime (like a very small dose). 




#606626 If someone asks you what DP/DR feels like....

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 20 September 2019 - 07:51 AM

Let them read the following post:

 

https://www.huffpost...ociat_b_6037380

 

For me personally i'v never read such an accurate representation of how I feel 24/7. Explaining the feeling is close to impossible but this woman seemed to narrow it down pretty well.

 

The text is as follows:

 

Do me a favor. Imagine having cotton balls stuffed in your ears. Now imagine your skin sensitivity being half of what it normally is; like you’re made of plastic. Now, bite into an apple and imagine the intensity of the taste being decreased, like your tongue has forgotten how to taste. You close your eyes and struggle to distinguish what you taste as an apple.

 

Now think about where you feel is your body’s “center.” Where in your body do you identify as your core sense of self? Most people will point to the spot between the lungs, above the belly and bellow the chest. Or perhaps they identify their “self” as the place over their heart — but not you. You identify your “center” as the spot between your eyes. In fact, you are your eyes. And that is it. You are the space inside your head. You look out your eyes like they are the windows and your head is a room you are trapped inside of. You look out your eyes and down at your body to see that your body isn’t actually yours at all. You are not this body. It belongs to another person; you are just a mind observing it. Do your best to picture this perception.

 

Due to this observational perspective of the body (in contrast with an inhabiting or acting perspective), you are hyper-self-conscious. You are overly self-aware. You observe yourself moving and behaving; washing “your body” in the shower, talking to people, writing an essay, and you feel as if the movement of your body is on autopilot. The circuit between “you” and your body’s motion is broken, and you feel robotic.

 

Now look at your surroundings. Imagine some almighty force were to suck the life out of everything, similar to the way the light would leave someone’s eyes as they pass. The world around you loses its brightness and softness. Everything is flat, dull, and unfamiliar. Things sparkle less, cars lose their glossy finish, trees sway lifelessly, and you are left with a strange shell of the life you once knew. Sometimes when you look at someone’s face, things blur and sway. The mechanics of their facial structure are subtly altered, almost comparable to when everything in a room as been moved an inch to one side and for some reason becomes unsettling. People begin to look like aliens to you; even your loved ones. What is a person really? Sometimes you stare at the back of your hands trying to figure it out. This brings me to my next point.

 

On top of all of this, imagine you are high. You are on a different level than everyone else. You feel a different vibe. This is constant, from the second you wake up to the second you fall asleep, and as you sleep I assume as well. Sometimes you come down and sober up for maybe 30 seconds. This happens once or twice a month, and because you aren’t used to this sober perception it is perceived similarly to a hallucination. The cotton momentarily leaves your ears, shadows are magnified and shapes transform to become three dimensional for a moment before returning to a dull state once again.

 

Now, imagine what it means to become your mind. Your identification with your body and your world is lost, and your mind is all you have left. This is where obsessive thinking begins. You are hyper aware of every thought that crosses your mind. No thought goes unnoticed by your consciousness. As you read these words, focus carefully on how they sound in your mind. Sound the words out in your mind and hear them clearly in your head. Now turn up the volume so these words are the forefront of everything. Your thoughts are louder than all the sounds around you by tenfold. Now imagine these thoughts could not contain spaces between them. The gap is always filled with a word or sound. Even when you try to meditate the space between thoughts is filled with words, sounds, frustration, and mental exertion. Sometimes if you try and meditate, closing your eyes sends your mind spiraling. You end up talking yourself in circles. Think back to the last time you couldn’t fall asleep because you were thinking anxiously, going over something again and again. Quadruple this mental noise and that is how your mind now works 24/7.

 

Now imagine your chest physically cannot expand. Take the tiniest breath possible in through your nose, and stop. This is all you can physically breathe no matter how hard you try. Take this perception in. This is a dissociative disorder, depersonalization/derealization to be exact, and this happens to people.

 

Picture living your life, maybe as a college student, and thinking everyone felt this way. Other people seem to be at ease, and you think maybe you’re just high strung. Other people don’t question what their reality is, and you think maybe you’re just too curious. Other people are not self-conscious as they observe themselves socializing; maybe you’re just shy. Yet all the time there is this looming unknown question you can’t shake; this feeling that something isn’t quite right. Until one day you look in the mirror and suddenly, you wake up from a dream. This happens to people, and this happened to me.




#604458 Lamotrigine + SSRI cured my drug-induced DPDR

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 06 August 2019 - 05:33 AM

The post comes with some unfounded claims both in it references and in experiences from several people in this forum; That personalisation disorder can be cured with a combination of a SSRI and lamotrigine. There is no basis for such a general claim that is it a cure for depersonalisation disorder.  

 

It CAN cure depersonalisation disorder, that's all that matters dude, don't be salty. Obviously ts got cured by this combo so congrats to him. Because of posts like this I'm willing to take the shot and try Lamotrigine with a positive outlook on a possible cure. 

 

By debunking ts claims you're spreading more doubt and insecurity to people reading these forums. People that are already full of anxiety, doubt, hopelesness and just trying to find a way out. 

Ofcourse this forum can't be all positive and rose-coloured and its your own right to say whatever you wanna say, but please keep in mind that most people on this forum are very fragile and desperate.

 

Furthermore I agree with: 

 

Just say congrats and move on




#599846 the face of a depersonalised person

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 28 April 2019 - 04:38 AM

I'm not sure bro. When I look at you in the picture you I see a normal person haha. No sadness or fatigue by any means. Your face looks neutral (which isn't a surprise ofcourse because neutral is usually all we get as being dp'd).

Its funny because when I left for a sickleave from work and returned after a couple months (my dp became really bad at that point) colleagues told me I looked better then ever when in fact I felt the worse I'v ever felt in my life.... Maybe because I was acting to be EXTRA normal...

Also when I look at my own pictures I can see the emptiness and sadness in my eyes, but other people (like my parents) don't see a damn thing..

It's probably because we know how we felt at that point when the picture was taken, we are able to look deeper into our own eyes.

So, i'd say you look good, healthy and above all hygienic!! Take that for some positivity mate :)


#594520 Uncomfortable being alive, trapped? TRIGGER WARNING

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 28 December 2018 - 01:18 AM

Thanks, Thanks a lot for your reply. Good to know that it's just not me.
I feel like being trapped in my body, and sometimes I feel trapped in this life/world. Is it common in DP as well?

Yes, this is common in DP as well! It's because your hyper aware of your existence which in turn is freaking you out. I often feel trapped inside my body and very often feel trapped in life (like I wanna go someplace else, but there isn't).

Anxiety is giving you these thoughts. That plus the fact that you probably feel disconnected from everybody around you (and probably yourself) thus making you feel like you don't belong in your body and this life.

It's only natural to feel trapped when you don't feel connected to either of these fundemental human elements. Connection to our emotions and other people is what makes us human (I firmly believe so). When this connection is lost, you feel like you don't belong.

So when you get out of DP and you have all your emotions back AND the connection with other people (like most recovered people describe) then all these crazy thoughts lose there meaning, because it doesn't make sense anylonger.

Don't worry, I know its uncomfortable, but in the end its just thoughts, they can't physically hurt you. Try to distract yourself when your having these intrusive thoughts (I play a lot of videogames).


#594486 Uncomfortable being alive, trapped? TRIGGER WARNING

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 27 December 2018 - 01:29 AM

Hey buddy.

Can relate 100%. It's DP for sure.

I'v had and have ALL these symptoms aswell. Distraction is what made the symptoms more bareable. Many people who suffer from DP have the feeling of being trapped inside their body and are freaked out about hyper awereness/existence. But it will become less intens over time like you already described yourself.

You are safe!! Try to remember that.


#594206 Parents feel like strangers

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 18 December 2018 - 11:31 AM

I thought we shared some special connection DerealizedDutchie ):

But yeah, can relate aswell Spadde.. I got used to it by now and it doesn't bother me that much anymore.. It's scary/strange at first but you will get past this!

At some point we WILL connect back with the people we love and care about, I firmly believe that. We had it at some point, so we will regain it aswell, just gotta stay strong.

Remember that you actually ARE safe and that there is nothing really "wrong" with you. I sometimes tend to forget this myself and I have to reassure myself that I'm safe.

You're gonna be oke!


#593828 The mined

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 10 December 2018 - 07:37 AM

Hahahah Spadde, I'm also doing that sometimes. Touching random objects or skipping a few stones on the road to make sure I'm still in control of my body. 




#593596 Feel like I'm forgetting how I used to be, and in turn what my symptoms a...

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 04 December 2018 - 04:01 AM

Wow, this is me 100%.. I'v also been reading your other topic called 'Is this DP? please help' and it's scary how similar our symptoms are. So you are DEFO not alone in this brother. 

 

Specially these parts reflected on my own experience perfectly:

 

"Keep telling myself of my own symptoms but since I don't recognise my own consciousness anymore i cant recognise my own thoughts, even though i know they are mine they don't feel like it. Feels like i am talking to myself in my head rather than thinking naturally, like ill ask myself should I go down stairs whereas usually that would be a automatic decision, its as if im completely out of sync.

When I tell myself of my own symptoms its almost as if I dissociate like im making up that im telling someone else of them, I sometimes make up conversations before I start them, keep thinking of memories and saying thinking i remember that. I used to be able to cut the off and stop such thoughts outright, now I can't, it's as control has been taken from me and I can't remember how to do it anymore. Nothing feels natural it feels like i have completely lost myself."

 

"I have a habit of deciding what to say next aswell like, it will pop up in my head but I will decide whether or not I should say it." (Wow, 100% me.. Sometimes I do this aswell, to stop myself from feeling so 'automatic', it gives me a sense of 'control').

--

 

Whenever I feel even a GLIMPSE of emotions (wether that would be happiness or a sence of connection to other people) i remember what it's like to be 'normal'. I'm pretty sure that we somehow have to connect to our own emotions, which will eventually make us whole again... Problem is, how the fuck am I supposed to do that being DP'D so heavily.. 

 

I have been reality checking ALL the time during DP'D and this has made things far worse for me.. Because now I even started to doubt my reality checks.. 

 

I'm starting an intensive psychotherapy course soon which hopefully will get me out of this situation.. 

 

Stay strong.. 

 

And yes, if there is someone who recovered from these specific symptoms, PLEASE respond.. Or atleast made there lives more manageble.. 




#593214 Wearing a warm hat/cap reduces my feelings of dissociation

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 23 November 2018 - 02:59 PM

hahaha Chip.. the crazy shit we have to do to feel somewhat normal.. its ridicilous :,) 

 

I'm gonna try the couch thing!!

 

Anyone else with some helpful tips? 




#593180 Wearing a warm hat/cap reduces my feelings of dissociation

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 23 November 2018 - 07:48 AM

Hello everyone, 

 

These last couple of days I have been wearing a warm hat/cap (outside and inside) and for some reason it made me feel a LITTLE more attached to my body. 

It's like wearing sunglasses when you go outside. It forms some sort of barrier which leads to feeling more INSIDE my body.. 

 

Usually I feel like my soul could fly outside the top of my head at any given moment, but when I'm wearing a warm hat its not that bad.. 

 

Hopefully I'm able to help someone with this tip (havn't seen it before so) or at least give it a try (its cold anyway).

 

Stay warm!




#592328 Why do Benzo's work so well for DP?

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 04 November 2018 - 07:08 AM

Hello, 

 

Whenever I take a baby dose (2.5mg = 1/4 of a tablet) of Oxazepam (Serax) it makes such a huge difference to my DP. 

 

I'm always so confused how this small dose can reduce my DP to a tolerable state....? 

I take it once or twice a week just to blow off some steam or whenever I wanna do something that makes me anxious. 

 

While on it, I can hardly even recall what DP feels like. Sadly the effects of Oxazepam doesn't act that long and while on it I don't necessarily feel happy (I just feel calm, am able to focus on things and life feels tolerable). I could still feel unreal as do my surroundings, but I just don't care about it. When I don't use Oxazepam on a bad day, it's borderline unbearable (thoughts racing like crazy, can't focus on anything besides reading dpselfhelp and unable to feel body/emotions. During these days it just feels like I only have my primary senses, my confused mind and that's it).

 

And when I feel emotions while using Oxazepam its usually grief or sadness.. Feels like theres a big knot in my stomach and my throat.. It feels nice to cry when I experience this.. 

 

I prefer not to use Benzo's because I don't wanna become dependant on it, but my god... This stuff makes me feel kinda normal (But sadly also a bit depressed sometimes).

 

--

 

So my questions would be: Why do Benzo's work so well for me and for some they don't?? 




#589724 My ULTIMATE cure to dp/dr

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 02 September 2018 - 05:07 PM

Hi, thanks for responding! I have been cycling 2 days now, and must say: Feels good! 

 

Had 2 trips of around 3.5 hours and going for my next one tomorrow. The only annoying thing that happens so far is that my DR gets worse when I'm almost done. Maybe this is because my heart is racing at this point and I'm fatigued. The evenings are great though, DR seems almost gone and I'm just ready for a lazy night on the couch (I can actually enjoy this). 

 

Gonna be doing this for some time and will update here. 




#589622 My ULTIMATE cure to dp/dr

Posted by Fromhollandwithlove on 31 August 2018 - 12:50 PM

Very nice post. I recently stopped working because the symptoms became so bad I couldn't cope any longer. Now I have all the time in the world so I'm going to try this and will update you in this thread. My depression became a lot worse since quitting my job because I'm just dreading at home.

Actually really looking forward to try this.

Btw, I don't have a road/racing bike. Would that be a problem? I just have a regular bike with gears.