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Julien14

Member Since 25 Jun 2018
Offline Last Active Jun 29 2018 07:27 PM
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Topics I've Started

Hello everyone, I've had DP for 8 years :)

25 June 2018 - 04:23 PM

Hello everyone, my name is Julien and i've had DP/DR for the past 8 years of my life (Currently 22 years old). It all started when I was dragged into going to the Parlement Hill in Ottawa, Canada on 4/20 of 2010 by my sister. She invited me that morning and I said yes as a joke. After school she told me "let's go were going!" and I refused because I was scared as I was still young and she invited me to go with a group of people I didn't know. She forced me and you can picture the rest of the story. Long story short I smoked too much, passed out on the ground in the mud (It was pouring rain) and woke to a group of druggies I didn't know as my sister left me to go say hi to other friends of hers. I spent the rest of my day high as a kite, unable to see clearly. Everyone was laughing at me. I had a great time too... Until I woke up the next day. Still felt bizarrely high. Had to go to school feeling like that. 1 year goes by, I failed everything in school, I thought I was schizophrenic, nobody understood me, the psychiatrist I saw made me feel even worse and didn't help me find what I had.

 

One day, I was ready to end it all when I made a last ditch effort to find what I had. I went on google and wrote what appeared to be so incredibly stupid in my head at that time: "I feel like in a dream after smoking pot". And boom, found it. I saw my psychiatrist for months and he couldn't tell me what I had and it was just a google search away from me. I'm still pissed at him to this day lol!

 

For the past 8 years, there's been ups and downs but I do not remember what it feels like to be normal. Everything is harder when you're depersonalized but you gotta just keep fighting. One of the hardest part for me is realizing that I won't be able to accomplish a lot of my childhood dream.

 

Dating as also been really hard. I feel like life with my DP/DR would be so amazing with someone who knows what I feel like and I've searched so hard for someone but in vain. 

 

Enough of me though, i'd like to know if you guys have been able to drive with severe DP/DR. Cars and driving has always been my biggest passion but when I'm in a severe episode I cannot drive and it sucks! My last car, which was a beautiful Nissan 350z ended up totalled because I took it out for a drive at night when experiencing terrible DP, lost control and bad reaction times cause me to crash in a guard rail... GRRR. So let me know, do you drive when in a DP episode? If so, do you have any tricks to make it easier?

 

-Julien

 

PS: I'm in a pretty bad DP episode writing this and english isn't my first language so I apologize if I make no sense, I tried my best :)

 

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