Amethysteyes - Viewing Profile: Topics - Depersonalization Community

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Member Since 09 Jun 2018
Offline Last Active Mar 10 2021 12:55 AM

Topics I've Started

Feelings and bonds

17 February 2020 - 03:05 AM

Im feeling very lost. I always cared about others. But because of a certain thought, ive started losing meaning to the attachments i have with people, including family. It started with me wondering what value love has. And when i found non in an objective sense, it all has started to disentegrate. I feel an empathy to others still and dont want someone else to suffer but attachments themselves are starting to make less and less sense to me. Why do i need other people to have a good life? I was once deeply in love with somebody. I know the feeling and that they seemed more important than anything, than myself even at the time. But now i am stuck here wondering why i need love or relationships even with family. I also just have no conceptual meaning to work off of for why life even matters at all. Sometimes, i truely wish nothing existed because nothingness is the only thing that seems logical. Why is there something? How can the big bang just happen? Wheres that leave life? I hate this.

Dpdr, existential depression and i feel completely defeated

17 February 2020 - 02:36 AM

Hello all, my last post on here i think was a year ago. After that was the turning point from being dpdred to extreme depression. The only things that remain is an increased awareness of my life and existential ruminations.
My dp/dr began because of the feeling that nothing around me seemed real. I also had a sense i was not the person i had the memorys of. (This of course went away with time as i realized that those things are all ive ever known and would have to be me) however, i often feared i was dreaming, in a coma, etc...
My problem now is a complete collapse of any perceived meaning for life. I realize i am living but my life does not mean anything. Existence itself appears to be absurd and lacks any conceivable reason for being here. Ive contemplated the question "whys there something rather than nothing" to the point of insanity. I cant see value for anything life offers. Any conceivable concept that comes to mind is ultimately tossed out again because the reasons only come from a MIND and if mind has no reason to exist existentially, why should it exist at all? Sorry, this is a very heavy topic. This is just ruining me...