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Amethysteyes

Member Since 09 Jun 2018
Offline Last Active Aug 10 2020 10:55 PM
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#589970 Some useful wisdom ive gained from recovering

Posted by Amethysteyes on 09 September 2018 - 03:33 AM

Yeah, I've also experienced these 2 types of depression. Now, I'm in complete emotional numbness that I don't give a damn about anything, but the pdocs tell me my dp/dr is from anxiety?? I was prescribed anti anxiety meds which hardly ever touched my dp. I'm so confused

Dpdr is something you have to work through and is a product of stress from what ive gathered. Even if its just low grade stress that the person doesnt think affected them too much, sometimes for some sufferers, it seems to just come out of the blue one day and thats because at some point, the brain just went "nope, cant deal, im going into hiding" the meds may have not helped cause the dpdr could be caused by depression which is a different stress which again needs to be worked through.
Dont worry too much about the total numbness, ive been there, multiple times even but its just temporary. Basically just an emotional vacation. Try to live your life as best you can while in this state. I remember a day while at the peak of that where i was hanging with friends, completely lost, hazy and feeling no connection or emotion toward them or anything and even tho that day didnt seem like improvement at the end of the day, it helped in the long run and the more i did it, the more things started coming back.


#589514 does anyone know how to get your personality back?

Posted by Amethysteyes on 29 August 2018 - 01:53 AM

Yeah, i used to have that problem too. I also had this thing where i knew an emotion was there but i couldnt really FEEL it, ya know? Like say, i was laughing but not really feeling that joy. You will get it back as you go through the stages and process of recovery though. Unfortunately that takes alot of time and other layers of distressful sensations as you power through it but it WILL come back just like everything else will, itll just take time and pushing yourself to go out and experiance life, even if you cant feel connected or present with anything.


#589316 what other illness do you suffer?

Posted by Amethysteyes on 26 August 2018 - 01:23 AM

I had been diagnosed with panic disorder, major depressive disorder, ocd, bipolar 2 and have some female hormonal imbalance with premenstrual syndrome. Sucks ass.


#589206 Dpdr over, now just super bad existential depression

Posted by Amethysteyes on 23 August 2018 - 06:17 PM

I also even question why i do things to feel better. For example, say im cold and my thought is to put a blanket around myself and idk why i even want to feel nice or feel anything at all. Absolutely nothing in my life matters anymore.


#589204 Dpdr over, now just super bad existential depression

Posted by Amethysteyes on 23 August 2018 - 06:15 PM

Trigger warning: this is existential and super depressing

So i got over the dpdr. It was triggered by my dads death and after reading a crazy philosophical artical. Because of all those existential questions and fear of what happens after death, i no longer find meaning in life. Dont matter what it is. Family, friends, my old drive for a romantic relationship, my old hobbies, my interests, non of it has meaning anymore. Humor used to help me out of depression but now it no longer has meaning either. Its like whenever i laugh or express any emotion what so ever, it doesnt truely mean anything. Ive been trying to woo over my crush but it doesnt feel like i really WANT to do so. Its just what i was doing before dpdr and i think a part of me still wants to pursue it but i cant find a reason to do so now. Happiness itself doesnt have meaning to me either. I try to pretend, even to myself that it does, like you know, you fake it till you feel it type of deal but idk if itll work. My life feels like an absurd joke. This depression isnt chemically based, its thought based so i feel like im screwed. How is life suppose to matter when the universe's existence is absolutely absurd and meaningless anyway?


#588980 HELP me people...I feel like dying

Posted by Amethysteyes on 19 August 2018 - 05:37 PM

Nobody knows for sure what caused the atrophy....but my personal bet is my previous treating Psy aka asshole's wild meds. Cocktail of antipsychotics to be precise


Well the good news is attrophy can be caused by something that isnt incredibly dangerous. Hopefully ur doctors will figure out whats causing this. I still recommend all the vitamins and stuff i mentioned before and excersize. It can help create new cells and neurons. The brain changes all the time, it whats it best at doing.


#588930 Existance anxiety and worries of going mad

Posted by Amethysteyes on 19 August 2018 - 12:06 AM

YES. This is my main problem along with what happens when we die. All these things feed into my unreal feelings or hyperawareness i exist and stuff. Its the absolute worst but it IS getting better. It stops entering ur mind as much over time.


#588858 Stuck in a "meta-awareness" and how its worsening dpdr?

Posted by Amethysteyes on 17 August 2018 - 01:22 AM

I had that, still do but it becomes less powerful as time goes on. You kinda adapt to it and you fear it less...wish it would just go away but it not like i can forget about it so it stays. Its super disturbing like everything else in dpdr. Its scary cause i think itll stay forever cause im so used to it now but recovered people say everything goes away, including hyperwarness. Also "I feel like im fighting the basic setup of existence.." i resonate with that statement so much.


#588707 Venting/Ranting Thread

Posted by Amethysteyes on 14 August 2018 - 10:35 PM

Gonna be honest, id be suicidal if i wasnt so afraid of death. I feel like even though ive mostly recovered, that ive been somewhere that the human consciousness is not suppose to go, to a place unfathomable. It scares the shit outta me. I still think alittle differently and feel i wont be the same or something. Im also extremely depressed now. If im not anxious and mildly dpdred, im extremely low and bored. Cant find fulfillment or meaning in anything after all those existential thoughts. Im angry and sad and always say things like "fuck my life", suicidal sayings, etc...fuck this condition. Worst thing a human or any living thing could experiance i think. Not even sure if i should do anything anymore. I do the most minimal of things JUST to stay alive. Im hardly living. Even if i go out with friends, i cant find a reason to even continue doing it other than i feel i should keep doing it to somehow feel better or just to keep the people around me happy i guess. My souls been rocked at its core for such a long time and doesnt know how to come back i guess. Still feel like life itself no longer makes sense. Nothing feels concrete anymore. Hopefully therapy will help, idk.


#588474 Just mental DP?

Posted by Amethysteyes on 10 August 2018 - 01:42 PM

I feel I have no past and no present it's as if all my memories are not mine I have no emotional attachment to them so there for it's as if I have no past and my present feels not mine it's not my life .
Iam so disconnected from absolutely everything
I cried today because I'm so frustrated feeling like this and it's just all gotten worse to the point I dont know how to get out now .
I'm considering therapy but from everything I read on here it's not really a cure all to this . So I'm stuck will i get though this.

Ive felt the same. Everything that was once familiar is now foreign and its super disturbing. To get through this takes more than just one thing but therapy can really help some people, it depends on the person and i recommend at least trying it. If you do, look for ones in ur area that are familiar with dissociative disorders.


#587976 I cant find a point to anything

Posted by Amethysteyes on 03 August 2018 - 11:47 PM

I just wish this never happened to me. I hate being a human being, being hyperaware of everything, being dp/dred anxious depressed, everything and realizing theres no point, even to all the shit ive been through.


#587946 Is this DP?

Posted by Amethysteyes on 03 August 2018 - 04:18 PM

The thoughts get easier to deal with. Try not to give them attention. Also i avoid anything philosophical or anything existential just for that exact reason. Before i was like this, pondering the universe used to be thrilling but now it makes things worse. Try not to look the stuff up cause it makes u dwell on that stuff even more.


#587778 Am i grieving using dp/dr?

Posted by Amethysteyes on 01 August 2018 - 12:04 AM

I started getting better recently! My previous anxiety came back with a vengence though but i got through that (for now at least). The past two days however, its hard to realize im not the only person in existence. Its disturbing and its hard to prove overwise. I just wish i could think like i used to and not dive back into dp every so often. Some days its very hard to get up in the morning. I feel like ive just figured out what life is REALLY like or something?


#587562 Am i grieving using dp/dr?

Posted by Amethysteyes on 27 July 2018 - 10:53 AM

Hm. Alright,alright...I have dp nearly constant but I tend to get more acute spells if im not laying down. Or at least the worse ones are when im doing something other than laying down in my bed (aka my comfort zone) doing simple things like cooking food, going to the bathroom or even just simply waking up tends to trigger them.


#587490 Sleep is so hard

Posted by Amethysteyes on 25 July 2018 - 10:29 PM

All day, every second, its there. When im able to distract myself, the dp isnt there as bad but i still feel it. Its getting so hard to live right now. Im not suicidal but i just want a break. Even if im doing stuff i enjoy, that feelings imidiately terminated cause i remember dp. Its probably a form of ocd... At night it gets worse. When im laying down and cant sleep, ill try exersizes to relax. Ive even tried yoga. Last night i layed there on my bed till from 11p-6am with my eyes closed and couldnt get it out of my head at all, its torture. Anyone else?