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Toast

Member Since 20 May 2018
Offline Last Active Mar 23 2020 11:43 PM
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#599524 Lost the ability to visualize memories and images in my mind

Posted by Toast on 20 April 2019 - 05:21 PM

Often the way through trauma is uncomfortable and things can get worse before they improve. We are so pain/discomfort averse (which is understandable) but these experiences also make us change and grow, hopefully for the better. 

 

Yes hippocampus and other brain changes can heal via EMDR or anti-depressants. Even ecstasy and psilocybin are showing potential to heal and reverse such things as PTSD... evidence and studies atm are low but look optimistic. I would say continue with the EMDR if you can, and try to stay clear of googling negative things. You can find all sorts on the internet. Consider an antidepressant as well if you arent currently taking one

 

I have taken an ssri numerous times before but I'm always scared to take them long enough for there to be any significant difference in my symptoms. I was taking Prozac about a year ago for about 3 weeks but it gave me horrible insomnia so I had to quit taking it because I couldn't afford to lose more sleep. I'd be up to try some different meds, but I'm in a tough situation right now. I have severe agoraphobia to the point where I can't even leave my house without having debilitating panic attacks, so it's really difficult for me to go see my psychiatrist right now. I didn't know that about anti-depressants, I'll have to look some stuff up about it maybe, could be beneficial. Thanks for sharing.




#599508 Lost the ability to visualize memories and images in my mind

Posted by Toast on 20 April 2019 - 01:08 PM

I did tell her, and she basically just agreed with my suspicions saying it's probably a defense mechanism deployed by my brain. She told me she has experience and has been doing it for a couple years, she also didn't just take one class then pass an exam to start doing it. She's going to be talking to a psychologist to maybe find out what's going on and where to go from here in regards to EMDR therapy. I'm a bit discouraged from doing any more sessions, but maybe it's the answer. When I think of my traumatic memory, I know it happened but I can't really picture it clearly anymore along with all my memories. We did no preparation and I blindly agreed because I'm naive and didn't know anything about EMDR. I sincerely regret ever doing it.

 

I'm worried something went wrong and i caused my brain irreparable harm. I looked up on google to find similar experiences which I know I shouldn't have done and came upon some people claiming it can cause brain damage, Of course that scared the ever living shit out of me and now I'm convinced it's brain damage or something else. I know trauma can cause actual damage to the hippocampus, but I believe it can be reversed. Sometimes when I'm less anxious my minds eye is more clear which gives me some hope it'll get better, but it overall seems to be getting worse by the day. I guess we'll see what my therapist says after talking to this guy, I'm not very hopeful though. 




#599440 Lost the ability to visualize memories and images in my mind

Posted by Toast on 18 April 2019 - 10:06 PM

My dpdr has been the result of a traumatic experience, and last week I did an EMDR therapy session with my therapist. I was able to see the memory vividly and sit through it decently well. Problem is after the session i find it near impossible to conjure any image in my brain whatsoever. I became more numb and now dont feel any emotion when recollecting on past memories. I'm worried it'll never come back, although since i was able to do it before it must be reversible I hope. I think my brain went into overprotective mode and made me feel even more dp'd than i already do causing my mind to be visually blank. I think it's also trying to make it hard for me to visualize memories in fear of me reliving my trauma again. I'm completely lost and it seems to be getting worse by the day. What should I do? Has anyone lost the ability to visualize or it looks hazy and unclear? Has it came back? Please, I need answers, I want my life to go back to normal...please.


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#579506 Weird time perception, anyone relate?

Posted by Toast on 20 May 2018 - 06:45 PM

Lately I've been obsessing over the passing of time and it it's really fucking up my brain. I think about how the present really only lasts a second before it's just a memory in my brain. I feel like I'm not perceiving time in a linear way anymore and I feel like right now only exists and past events like 5 or 10 minutes ago feel like they never happened. I think about all the events that happened today or yesterday and they just all feel so unreal like they never happened. I hope I'm making sense because it's hard to explain. I get irrational thoughts like if I just popped into existence this very second along with all my memories. 

 

Does anyone else have experience with these thoughts or feelings? I've read that weird time perception is semi-common with people who have dp and dr. I feel like I'm going crazy, if anyone could relate it would make me feel a lot better.