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Toast

Member Since 20 May 2018
Offline Last Active Mar 23 2020 11:43 PM
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Posts I've Made

In Topic: existential time warp

20 April 2019 - 05:37 PM

Hey, you are definitely not a lone in this particular obsession. I had these EXACT same thoughts and experiences with time about a year ago. The revelation just appeared in my mind out of nowhere that the present moment is always fleeting and everything is just becoming the past. Ironically, what helped me with this obsession was time itself. After a couple months, I stopped letting it have power over my mind and life and stopped dwelling on it pretty much entirely. Because realistically, what can I really do about it? It's true the present moment doesn't last very long, but that should give us more reason to appreciate  the present moment for what it is. I know it seems difficult right now, I thought it was going to last forever and for my perception of time to be completely warped for the rest of my life, but to put it bluntly I just got over it. Time may feel like your worst enemy right now, but in reality it'll be your best friend. Don't worry, you'll get through this.


In Topic: Lost the ability to visualize memories and images in my mind

20 April 2019 - 05:21 PM

Often the way through trauma is uncomfortable and things can get worse before they improve. We are so pain/discomfort averse (which is understandable) but these experiences also make us change and grow, hopefully for the better. 

 

Yes hippocampus and other brain changes can heal via EMDR or anti-depressants. Even ecstasy and psilocybin are showing potential to heal and reverse such things as PTSD... evidence and studies atm are low but look optimistic. I would say continue with the EMDR if you can, and try to stay clear of googling negative things. You can find all sorts on the internet. Consider an antidepressant as well if you arent currently taking one

 

I have taken an ssri numerous times before but I'm always scared to take them long enough for there to be any significant difference in my symptoms. I was taking Prozac about a year ago for about 3 weeks but it gave me horrible insomnia so I had to quit taking it because I couldn't afford to lose more sleep. I'd be up to try some different meds, but I'm in a tough situation right now. I have severe agoraphobia to the point where I can't even leave my house without having debilitating panic attacks, so it's really difficult for me to go see my psychiatrist right now. I didn't know that about anti-depressants, I'll have to look some stuff up about it maybe, could be beneficial. Thanks for sharing.


In Topic: Lost the ability to visualize memories and images in my mind

20 April 2019 - 05:17 PM

Uhm, well, i happen to be absolutely paralyzed by DP-induced blank mindedness, so i can assure you all that my condolences were sincere.

 

Your description matches my experience, Toast.

My brain just kind of shut off all higher cognitive functions to protect itself from my thoughts which has left me in a semi-vegetative state. 

Unable to perform the simplest of tasks.

This is always the way my body has reacted to prolonged periods of stress. Simply by just shutting off the intellectual circuits that is causing me harm.

 

There are a lot of people here who's experiencing blank mindedness to varying degrees of severity.

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, I wasn't entirely sure whether it was sincere or not but those things are kinda hard to gauge online, so i apologize for my rude reaction, I've just been frustrated with this disorder as you probably know more than anyone. Thanks for you input in letting me know that I'm not alone in this which I know, but it's always nice to hear that there are people out there that can relate to me in any way.


In Topic: Lost the ability to visualize memories and images in my mind

20 April 2019 - 01:08 PM

I did tell her, and she basically just agreed with my suspicions saying it's probably a defense mechanism deployed by my brain. She told me she has experience and has been doing it for a couple years, she also didn't just take one class then pass an exam to start doing it. She's going to be talking to a psychologist to maybe find out what's going on and where to go from here in regards to EMDR therapy. I'm a bit discouraged from doing any more sessions, but maybe it's the answer. When I think of my traumatic memory, I know it happened but I can't really picture it clearly anymore along with all my memories. We did no preparation and I blindly agreed because I'm naive and didn't know anything about EMDR. I sincerely regret ever doing it.

 

I'm worried something went wrong and i caused my brain irreparable harm. I looked up on google to find similar experiences which I know I shouldn't have done and came upon some people claiming it can cause brain damage, Of course that scared the ever living shit out of me and now I'm convinced it's brain damage or something else. I know trauma can cause actual damage to the hippocampus, but I believe it can be reversed. Sometimes when I'm less anxious my minds eye is more clear which gives me some hope it'll get better, but it overall seems to be getting worse by the day. I guess we'll see what my therapist says after talking to this guy, I'm not very hopeful though. 


In Topic: Lost the ability to visualize memories and images in my mind

20 April 2019 - 12:02 AM

Well, now I know not to bother posting here anymore. Thanks for nothing I guess.