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Member Since 09 Sep 2017
Offline Last Active Jul 09 2018 10:40 AM

#574098 Again, feeling totally lost, suicidal after DPDR - IDENTITY CRISIS

Posted by Nadosa on 29 April 2018 - 02:26 PM

So for 7 months I have been on a awakening "trip" which has just come to its climax. Im suffering like hell. FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS I REALIZE THAT THIS "SELF" CANT EXIST ANYMORE, ANY IDENTIFICATION WITH "I" IN MY HEAD CAUSES SUFFERING. EACH AND EVERY.

I havent followed this path that intensely and didnt want by any means to be become awaken that way, just chose it for mental illness reasons.

I am suffering something with delusional beliefs but I cant let them go.

I dont know if I am having an awakening. I feel terrible. I am realizing that I am not the one in my head. Just in that moment it feels like: nope thats not you and you will never ever be able to re-identify normally with it. BUT NOT IN A PLEASANT WAY. I AM LAYING IN MY BED AND RATHER FEEL SUICIDAL AND HOPELESS THAN ANYTHING ELSE. I HAVE A HUGE IDENTITY CRISIS (I AM 18 YEARS OLD).

It creates a huge conflict inside me. It feels like my ego is falling apart in 1000 pieces. It feels like I cant hold on to anything. I feel like I am not this body, just CONSCIOUSNESS, I AM FORMLESS, NOT THE ONE ON MY ID, NOT "I". MY MIND JUST MADE ME REALIZE THAT BY ITS OWN HORRIBLE THOUGHT GAMES IT PLAYED ON ME.


In August last year I felt like my ego was slowly dying, feeling like "I" couldnt exist anymore. The last few days I was ruminating about that. Something changed in me the past months. I realized that I can only live if I just live in the moment and ignore any bad patterns, any IDENTIFICATION WITH MIND AND "I" CAUSED ASAP SUICIDAL FEELINGS

The last days Ive been identifying with it immensely and it felt like "boom, do "I" really live?" And my mind says: you cant logically exist anymore. And boom the realization that I am just awareness popped in.

How will I ever be able to live normally after this realization? It doesnt feel like it is a "right" awakening.

I am sorry for putting my weight of issues on your shoulders.

#549498 Does anyone here have delusional suicidal thoughts (may be triggering)?

Posted by Nadosa on 27 January 2018 - 09:05 AM

It is official, DP made me delusional (diagnosed), I dont have symptoms of DP anymore but my thoughts are still all over the place. I have a really bad episode at the moment. I feel like I have to die and supposed to be dead. It is terrible. I am shaking and not functioning at all.
Let's see if I can resist the urge. Yep DP sucks, never imagined my life being this low after just 6 months of DP.


#533242 DP is the worst condition ever affecting the mind - and I clearly consider it...

Posted by Nadosa on 14 December 2017 - 02:28 PM

Do you have OCD? If you're not sure if you have died or not, that doesn't sound like a delusion, sounds more like an obsession/intrusive thoughts. Get yourself checked for OCD


Yes I got diagnsoed with OCD. But I dont know, isnt this too unreal to be OCD? Thinking about being dead, or so?!

#519794 Time Change

Posted by Nadosa on 09 November 2017 - 07:45 AM

Perfectly said eddy, thats exactly why I still suffer after DP, because I set a timer in my mind when I wanted to be fully recovered and to be like I was before DP. But that has not happened (yet). False expectations caused my mind to switch to suffer mode, though no DP, but strange feelings and thoughts. I struggle with accepting that I am not like before and that is causing me intense suffering.

I just wish I did something differently in July in order to not fall in an even deeper hole than DP (for me), in which I am stuck now. I dont know what really got me here. It sucks. And I really hope for a miracle to happen.

#515826 Recovered fully for a few months now... only one problem left

Posted by Nadosa on 29 October 2017 - 09:56 AM

Honestly, I doubt that you forget that it just forget how it felt. With that said, you need to accept everything as it is. Accept the thoughts, dont argue with them, thoughts dont make u relapse, drink your coffee, BUT stop worrying. Dont ever force yourself out of it or to stop thinking! Worrying will prolong the process. I'd suggest mindfulness Meditation. Check the App "Headspace".

#515818 I HATE increasing Meds

Posted by Nadosa on 29 October 2017 - 09:49 AM


#514530 What is happening to me, feeling very suicidal, can someone help me

Posted by Nadosa on 26 October 2017 - 04:16 AM

I am glad you are feeling better bud!

#514042 Reborn

Posted by Nadosa on 24 October 2017 - 07:04 PM

Love u too, waiting for u on the other side bud. :D

#513570 Need some advice

Posted by Nadosa on 23 October 2017 - 05:11 PM

I had this too. Please try some deep sleep meditations and meditations on insomnia by Michael Sealey. I promise that you'll get better in a short amount of time. Your mind just found another thing to obsess about. Practise Mindfulness, keep breathing, all is fine. I promise.

#512578 What is happening to me, feeling very suicidal, can someone help me

Posted by Nadosa on 20 October 2017 - 06:48 AM

I am seeking help and really want to get medication for this. The main thing is that Im lost in time. Whilst I have this I dont have the sense of time and place, and it worried me a lot thst if I get cured that I woukd forget everything that happen in this period. But now I would happily accept forgeting everything rather than being lost. When I concetrate on everything around me and get in touch with my body I just dont know how to feel, people talking about something that happened a couple days ago just gives me this weird stabbing feeling so I eventually go back to DP state in a minute to not have suicidal thoughts and to not feel like I just got sent to planet Earth. I waited for my mind to adjust for a year, I thought it was over when it wasnt. I guess I ll be in my DP bubble till I get some meds, stops me for thinking about anything horrible.

Man I feel exactly like you...

#510618 Guys...I think am recovering!

Posted by Nadosa on 14 October 2017 - 01:06 PM

Do what you prefer and dont listen to others who dont recover. See for yourself. Please :)

#510418 How to cure Depersonalization in three simple steps

Posted by Nadosa on 14 October 2017 - 05:35 AM

Why dont you guys understand that ignoring is as bad as fighting it? You have to accept it!

#509338 The only way to recover

Posted by Nadosa on 12 October 2017 - 07:23 AM

Incorrect. I am a counterexample of that. I didn't consciously brainwash myself to stop thinking of the thing that was driving me crazy, and I recovered.

Stop misinforming the world. You didn't recover because you're such a bright guy - more that your brain just naturally went back into equilibrium. I can tell you, that there are many people who suffer from DP for years chronically who are twice the person you are. You just have the hubris to assume that you were somehow involved in your recovery.

Also, know that you smoking pot is a ticking time bomb. Let me just warn you, that if you had DP once, that it's a cinch to have it again, even if it seems unimaginable now. I am saying this out of compassion for you. Reconsider it. Some people can smoke pot their entire life every day with no consequences. Some can get a whiff of weed once and trigger DP.

It was his way of recovery. How do you know he wasnt involved? Why judging? Just let it be.