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healing doesnt come easy

Member Since 24 Aug 2017
Offline Last Active Oct 29 2018 11:35 PM
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#490010 It's Gone, and I've come back to tell my story.

Posted by healing doesnt come easy on 25 August 2017 - 12:05 AM

4/20/2014. That was the day, that was the day that the dp/dr hit me, and I'm not lying to you when I say that it hit me like a truck. I remember the day down to a T and It's something I never want to experience again and that I would not even wish on my worst enemy. 4/20/2014 started out like any other day where I thought I was some badass 16 year old who could do whatever the fuck I wanted, thinking that I was invincible. Well as you guys may guess I wasn't. It all started with a cannabis edible, a small 1in x 1in square of cannabis induced caramel. So I took this edible, thinking that I was just in for a good time but instead I have a massive panic attack. This, was my first time even trying pot too. I fell asleep thinking that I would feel better, normal, anything but that hell, and wake up, but that was far from it. I woke up to only experience hell, nothing felt real, it felt like I was living outside of my body, I had a massive brain fog. I am not even fucking kidding when I say that I couldn't form thoughts, well not complete thoughts without thinking that I wasn't in control.

 

anyways I'll get to the point, and the good news.

 

Symptoms:

- Massive Brain Fog(I couldn't remember what simple objects like a fire extinguisher was)

- Feeling like I wasn't in control of my own body 

- Feeling as though my thoughts weren't my own

- Feeling like I wasn't living in real life( living behind a giant pane of glass feeling)

- Existential thoughts 

- Horrible short term memory

- Horrible feelings of realizing my own mortality

- Very vivid dreams

- HPPD(Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder)

- TONS of PANIC ATTACKS 

- Night Sweats

- Tremors, my whole body would pulse( that's how it felt )

- Massive headaches when trying to do basic shit like addition

- Throbbing/Pulsing headaches only on one side( we)

- Feeling like I was going psychotic/schizophrenic(I'm NOT!!! :D)

 

These feelings and many more lasted from age 16 - 19 and I still have the daily headaches(not as bad), but i'm happy to say no more dp/dr!!!!! I'm 20 now and It doesn't even feel like I was dealing with any of that shit :D. First off, before I say what I think led to my recovery, I've gone to many doctors, I've been through many tests, and I still have no official diagnosis, and the doctors think it's some major anxiety or something(for which many doctors have prescribed, lol or should I say TRIED to prescribe me medication.) 

 

ANYWAYS, listen I cannot sit here typing away saying that I know what this horrible feeling was, or that I have some magic cure to fix it, but I can tell you this, it's going to take time and you have a friend to talk to, to get you through it all...me :)

 

What I think Helped my RECOVERY:

- Sleep

- IDGAF about this anymore attitude

- Drinking only Water

- Having an amazing person to talk to ( my best friend OLIVE ;D)

- Doing what I love / Enjoying Life

- Work, getting my mind off of the ' this doesn't feel right/ I don't feel normal' feeling

- Really anything to get my mind off of the ' this doesn't feel right/ I don't feel normal' feeling 

 

What I would advise you to do and What I would have done differently:

- Go get professional help(Therapist), not medication, I REPEAT DO NOT TAKE MEDICATION. I RECOVERED WITHOUT IT AND SO CAN YOU!

- Find someone you can talk to besides therapist

- Drink Lots of water and limit sugar

- STOP USING SUBSTANCES LIKE POT AND ALCOHOL

- Date, have fun, do things to get your mind off of this horrible illness

- DON'T PANIC and realize that it takes TIME to get better, for fuck's sake it took me 3 years.

- Adopt an IDGAF attitude about this mental issue no matter how bad it is and just roll with it. STOP FIGHTING DP/DR and for fuck's sake STOP THINKING YOU HAVE SOME MYSTERIOUS ILLNESS LIKE I DID. DON'T OVER ANALYZE!

 

LAST WORDS: The last thing I wanted to hear when I was dealing with this was let it run its course, BUT this is the truest thing. You need to realize that eventually you'll get better, but it's not easy and will take time. Maybe lots of it, but recovery is possible and will happen with time. I used to browse this site looking for answers to my questions, trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and asking whatever mysterious fucking universe creator WHY ME, I GET THIS ONE FUCKING LIFE AND THIS HAPPENS. But guys, what i'm telling you are facts. NO ONE CAN CURE YOU BUT TIME, NO MEDS, NO SECRET LIFESTYLE, NOTHING.... but TIME so be patient, and whenever you have a severe panic attack message me, let me be that person to talk to :) ill be happy to answer any questions you may have, and to help in any way possible! 

 

PSA: I'm still not all the best at writing, so forgive me if I was all over the place. I hope I helped :D and best of luck to you strong people.. ;D