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courtneyk

Member Since 20 Apr 2017
Offline Last Active Private
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Topics I've Started

Haven’t been on in a while. Just an update

17 December 2017 - 11:14 PM

9 months since my initial dpdr hit.
My life isn’t consumed by dpdr anymore. I can go out with friends and family. Live a fairly normal life but I’m not 100% yet. I just think that the experience has messed up my brain in some weird way.

I’m just not who I use to be. I still feel this strangeness to be human. I feel like I lost who I am and the outside me and the inside me just don’t match up. I’m not as smart or witty as I use to be. I don’t sleep good anymore either. My memory is shot and I jumble my words when I talk.

I feel like I don’t have dpdr anymore, I don’t connect to this site anymore. But I’m definitely still not right. Luckily my anxiety and depression have significantly subsided but I stlll feel so “off”. Can anyone relate? I mean I’ll take this over the awfulness I experienced months ago but I just want life to be normal again but I don’t even know what that would mean at this point but I just know this way I’m feeling isn’t normal

List 5 facts about yourself :)

12 November 2017 - 06:29 PM

Hi friends!
We need some positivity around here and I think it would be fun to get to know each other.
So I think it would be fun for you guys to share 5 facts about yourself (positive & not dpdr related.) (also I realize a lot of us feel pretty lost about ourselves right now but it's still doable)
It can be where you're from, any pets you own, random quirks or whatever!

I don't even know what this is anymore

12 November 2017 - 03:48 PM

I feel like I'm going crazy, my brain is degenerating or something else is wrong with me. I'm definitely not even who I was before dp. It feels like I'm forgetting myself and my life. My memory is shot, I stumble over words, concentration is gone, my sense of humor is gone and I feel like my personality is blunt now and I wasn't like that before. I was thoughtful and I thought before I spoke. I was funny, witty and intelligent. I was articulate when I spoke. Now it's like my brain doesn't work like that anymore. It feels like mush. Physically I feel like crap because I'm tense all the time.
I go out and I live my life normally but when I'm with my friends or family I don't feel like I'm there. I don't feel like it's me who is responding to them when I speak.

I've spent 9 months of this fighting and being positive but it keeps beating me down and I just feel like I'm losing my life and my mind.

Thoughts hindering me recovery

28 October 2017 - 05:21 PM

I'm not super sure how to describe this but it's like my brain doesn't want to let me forget dpdr. Dpdr caused me to feel weird and deluded about existence and made me feel foreign and wrong in my own life. Dpdr feels like it woke me to this whole new perception (that I hate) but it really was like waking up in this weird new life. Like if I recover and forget dpdr I'll be deluded about life and existence and like nothing matters BUT dpdr. I know this sounds crazy and I know it's irritational but it really makes me feel like I will never forget this and what I've been through. Like there's no other life than this perception and new reality.

I hope someone kind of understands how I'm feeling. I want to move on from this and have a good normal life but these thoughts are totally messing up recovery.

How dpdr affects time perception

26 October 2017 - 06:50 PM

Hi friends!
Yes I'm still here but I'm still doing better all the time.
One thing that's bothered me lately is time. One of the first things that I noticed before I knew what was happening to me is that time felt like a blur. It was strange. Like time was speeding by. Now that same symptom is bothering me. I feel like time has been flying by and I can't seem to be content or in the moment either. I miss that normal living day by day feeling. It's causing me a bit of anxiety. Like life is just passing by and I'm not even in it fully to enjoy it. It's just strange and uncomfortable.
Anyone else experiencing/experienced something similar?