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Member Since 07 Feb 2017
Offline Last Active Dec 13 2020 04:11 AM

Topics I've Started

7 years? - This week I made major progress

15 August 2020 - 07:14 PM

Odd for me to make this short. It's not full recovery, not yet, but things have got real clear. 


I have been diagnosed as having "Over Stimulation Anxiety", it often isn't felt but means it's on fight or flight all day, they are changing medications to sort this out and crash the stimulation I have from anxiety. 


I realise this is so true, because after 3 days in hospital, feeling all alone, 4 walls, I was past it, emotionally, physically shaking bad, massive eyes, heart rate of 137, but a blank mind with no thoughts... so what changed?


Well it basically broke me, seeing many doctors and all the tests, I am drained. Not seeing anyone in hospital, it gets long, twice I walked out the front and just broke down and cried, hit rock bottom.. so i couldn't believe when I walked around the hospital towards the end of my stay and i was like "i'm walking in first person", it's just snapped, my vision changed, I now feel in the moment, like many, I didn't have any relief, it was just an hour of staring around... thinking.


I went for a shower in hospital after this, looked at the mirror and I was back, I looked different and I was connected. Again, this was like, oh. Now already I am like, I can't really imagine any other way.. already, it's like, this is what normal life is like, now I feel so much more emotions.. it's raw, the anxiety is super high but it's my body letting the emotional block break, it's gonna happen slowly, but i can feel it's coming, been a few days in my body now, it's not going anywhere, i'm back to first person, emotions of suicide, loneliness, shame, regret, all those things are up front, but i wanna feel, my talk therapist agrees, it's gonna be intense or is anyway, but I got to let the emotions flow, to get myself back, in a way this is the start, or a big kick step to normality. 


Medication - Lorazepam and Beta Blockers for the stimulation. 

Reason this happened? - Broke the emotional barrier with a break down, a proper one, haven't cried in years. God it was good. 


For me, only thing left is depression and anxiety, DP is slipping away, already I find things like playing drums so easy in comparison, i got admitted on Wednesday 6am after no sleep, out Friday, so this has happened really fast. 


100% recovery story coming up, i've been told to get off all screens, my stress level is through the roof, time to take a bit of time out and just enjoy life again. 


Oh and Meds are getting added for depression Abilify is what they are thinking. 


Love you guys and girls 



My mix got Insta heart from a Pro..

26 July 2020 - 05:26 AM

Hey yall. 


I am feeling a lot better and yesterday a Pro in LA liked my mix (I'm a sound guy/mix engineer), this has really uplifted me, I was wondering while the Irons still hot if anyone fancies checking the mix out via insta to soundcloud, feel free to add both!


insta/clivekennedy (the video is a picture of a beach near my home)


Have a great day x

Books to work with a therapist?

20 May 2020 - 06:56 AM

Has anyone found material that you work through with a talk therapist? I've got some books but none in that style. 


I guess my idea would be like: 


1. Acceptance (Fill in this page, Do this, Do That in relation to acceptance) 


Bit like Holy Grail DP thread... 


any thoughts? 

Do you think my Cortisol levels directly linked to DP?

24 February 2020 - 02:39 PM

I've researched many cases, but people don't show my constant levels when it comes to Cortisol that i've met here. I wonder if MY Dp is literally because as the picture i've included, I produce way too much cortisol all the time? 


Subtextual on reddit who is a Board Certified Neuropsychologist - ABPP/ABPdN explains it DP and Cortisol (https://www.reddit.c..._levels_affect/)


"there are a bunch of ways the cortisol production system could be dysfunctional in individuals who experience chronic depersonalization. They might produce too much cortisol all the time, or they might produce too much in response to a stressor, or they might have trouble "turning off" cortisol once the stressor is gone, or getting rid of the excess cortisol in the brain after a stressor has passed. Or other parts of the system could go wrong.


There are conflicting data on the relationship between depersonalisation and cortisol levels, with two studies (Morozova et al, 2000; Stanton et al, 2001) reporting low salivary cortisol, but another (Simeon et al, 2001a) finding raised plasma cortisol. 


I already know from tests I have HPA dysfunction. 


"The HPA-axis; hypothalamus --> pituitary --> adrenal to release a bunch of hormones, including cortisol. The release of these hormones causes the fight-or-flight reaction people get in response to a stressor. For example, adrenaline, another hormone released in this process, elevates your heart rate and blood pressure." 


https://i.imgur.com/Y4OSECq.png <--- Picture of my Cortisol


As you can see, i'm not a little off the chart, i'm way off it, all the time as noted by specialists who have never seen such results. I'm thinking this might be the cause of my DP, thoughts?

Medications/Mistakes I hear a lot

27 November 2019 - 10:45 AM

I am not a doctor, but do get a lot of emails, PM’s etc, I know people who have recovered, yada yada yada. I just want to point out a few things when trying medications that I’ve learnt or hear a lot.


1. "It didn't work for this 1 friend I know" (remember we are all different), I know people recovered on medications I’ve hated. I'll not even mention them to put you off!


2. Someone got this side effect, i'm scared to take it. Well this is part of trial and error, again we all respond different. If it's not working tapper off with your doctor, but you won't know if you don't try. Also read the side effects, their side effect could be in a small percentage. 


3. Antidepressants or Antipsychotics don’t work after trying a couple, there are so many and vastly depends on the person.


3. Going against the grain, there are a lot of medications, but i'd at least start with ones that are known to give results, I’ve listed some below in order of common to least (not most effective). The most common i'd say on this site is; AS + AD combo, get one working first IMO then add the other and see how you fair. 


4. Having a P Doc who doesn’t know what DP is… kind of useless IMO unless they are actively researching. Dissociation is not rare, if that word is foreign to them, i'd not bother, took me 8 to find one I liked. 


5. Having a P Doc who works with you, not against and is always thinking, which leads me to my main point, knowing when to stick or twist. Only recently I got a message from someone being an SSRI for two years with no results, going to a P Doc every 3 weeks! That’s nuts if you ask me. Defiantly the time to change medications, I wouldn’t give anything personally more than 5 months with no results with increases. I on the other hand have been in a position where I changed meds too quickly due to other health reasons (had to stop everything to rule it out), unfortunately the same medications no longer have any affect on me, not even a little, this phenomenon is actually common.


I want people suffering from Anhedonia to read Ken Gillams Ad Algorithm. It’s multiple choice. I have tried enough meds to know how I react so mine works out like the following but yours will vary or if you have no point of reference I’d go with his option A for each step.



(what I am going to try based on the algorithm)

Step 1 – Nortipyline 6 weeks

Step 2 – (if needed) add Citalopram with Nortripyline 6 weeks

Step 3 – (if needed) add Amisulpride 6 weeks

Step 4 – (if needed) stop Citalopram, wait two weeks and add Tranycpromine with Nortipyline (Amisuplride depending on results).



I’ve also drawn up a quick list of the most common from being here a lot and if I was starting again, what order I’d do it in, but as mentioned, AD’s + AS’s are so wide and so many, I’d spend a long time ruling out those.


Do not source these yourself, it goes without question, even ADHD meds are lethal if you don’t know what you are doing, having your heart checked etc but perfectly safe when under professional guidance. 


1a) AD's (SSRI's/SNRIs): 








1b) AS:






2) Lamotrigine often paired with SSRI (see Kings College study)


3) Naltrexone – opiate antagonists (see Russian Study)


After 3 it’s a wild card if you ask me, much less common but worth knowing about;


Keppra (Anti Convulsion) – Study that it works in some HPPD cases

Wellbutrin (Dopamine) – Usually paired with AS

Pregabalin (Anti Convulsion) – Usually paired with AD

Modafinil (Light stimulant) 

Vyvanse (Stimulant)

Sulpiride – MIO – Haven’t researched as it’s rarely given out here

Suboxone – Opiate – Near impossible in UK


The best way I’ve found to try so many medications is printing of cases where it has worked and studies. 


Hope this helps.