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#620470 7 years? - This week I made major progress

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 15 August 2020 - 07:14 PM

Odd for me to make this short. It's not full recovery, not yet, but things have got real clear. 


I have been diagnosed as having "Over Stimulation Anxiety", it often isn't felt but means it's on fight or flight all day, they are changing medications to sort this out and crash the stimulation I have from anxiety. 


I realise this is so true, because after 3 days in hospital, feeling all alone, 4 walls, I was past it, emotionally, physically shaking bad, massive eyes, heart rate of 137, but a blank mind with no thoughts... so what changed?


Well it basically broke me, seeing many doctors and all the tests, I am drained. Not seeing anyone in hospital, it gets long, twice I walked out the front and just broke down and cried, hit rock bottom.. so i couldn't believe when I walked around the hospital towards the end of my stay and i was like "i'm walking in first person", it's just snapped, my vision changed, I now feel in the moment, like many, I didn't have any relief, it was just an hour of staring around... thinking.


I went for a shower in hospital after this, looked at the mirror and I was back, I looked different and I was connected. Again, this was like, oh. Now already I am like, I can't really imagine any other way.. already, it's like, this is what normal life is like, now I feel so much more emotions.. it's raw, the anxiety is super high but it's my body letting the emotional block break, it's gonna happen slowly, but i can feel it's coming, been a few days in my body now, it's not going anywhere, i'm back to first person, emotions of suicide, loneliness, shame, regret, all those things are up front, but i wanna feel, my talk therapist agrees, it's gonna be intense or is anyway, but I got to let the emotions flow, to get myself back, in a way this is the start, or a big kick step to normality. 


Medication - Lorazepam and Beta Blockers for the stimulation. 

Reason this happened? - Broke the emotional barrier with a break down, a proper one, haven't cried in years. God it was good. 


For me, only thing left is depression and anxiety, DP is slipping away, already I find things like playing drums so easy in comparison, i got admitted on Wednesday 6am after no sleep, out Friday, so this has happened really fast. 


100% recovery story coming up, i've been told to get off all screens, my stress level is through the roof, time to take a bit of time out and just enjoy life again. 


Oh and Meds are getting added for depression Abilify is what they are thinking. 


Love you guys and girls 



#619916 Psilocybin mushrooms

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 26 July 2020 - 08:00 AM

I had two small doses of truffles (15g) and it has lifted me out of suicidal depression and flipped everything to a positive, my vision is better, my mood is not depressed as it once was, still flat but for me Lyrica fixes that, i've made new friends, mixed a song that got noticed, a lot has happened in just two weeks. 


This trip was light, lasted two hours of peak, gave me time to think, i ended up writing a lot, slight visuals but this was no 'acid trip', by that i mean I was able to be around my family without anything but eyes giving it away, by that i'm just explaining this was a relaxing experience not a psychedelic one... lets make that real clear. It's called stage 2. There is 4 stages, also this wasn't mushrooms, it was truffles, i honestly don't know the difference... ask Broken or someone... Oh and the brick in my head is gone! thank god 

#619912 My mix got Insta heart from a Pro..

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 26 July 2020 - 05:26 AM

Hey yall. 


I am feeling a lot better and yesterday a Pro in LA liked my mix (I'm a sound guy/mix engineer), this has really uplifted me, I was wondering while the Irons still hot if anyone fancies checking the mix out via insta to soundcloud, feel free to add both!


insta/clivekennedy (the video is a picture of a beach near my home)


Have a great day x

#617926 Psilocybin mushrooms

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 19 May 2020 - 07:47 AM

Player 2 has entered the game

#617582 Hello everyone

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 03 May 2020 - 08:37 PM

I think a solid place to start would be therapy which will help compartmentalise this. I can understand from how you feel about your childhood, it's left things to work through.. 


sounds like you have depression and anxiety from not feeling accepted or like you belong which is one major cause of DP.. I think working through this with an expert before you try any medication to add an extra boost is very important to your recovery


best of luck

#617578 music

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 03 May 2020 - 08:26 PM

normal for us..only time i can is if Antidepressant is working ie lowering or stopping my anhedonia 

#614526 Processing trauma with a blank mind

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 10 February 2020 - 12:55 PM

I agree it can be an adrenaline issue, as in my case, my adrenaline is way over when tested. 


"depression, in part, this due to actual chemical changes in the brain from high cortisol. High cortisol levels also can be experienced by the body as anxiety, and insomnia is extremely common" 


that is a quote talking about Cushings, a extreme adrenaline disorder endocrinology wise but the same theory still applies, extreme worry/adrenaline/anxiety changes chemicals. 


The blank mind I have too, i had relief from it on Mirtazapine for a while till the adrenaline got out of control, i'd start somewhere like there. Around half of us have blank mind, or had it. It's your brain giving you a rest, as if you did hear your low mood thoughts they'd be negative and more taxing, least this is how I gather it, having only a non blank mind when my serotonin is high enough from an antidepressant. 


Blank mind, is part of Anhedonia which is listed as a symptom of Major Depression Disorder, so i think the first way to target the blankness is clearing depression whatever way works for you, will take trial and error.. I go to talk therapy, I find it useful as a tool, lowers my adrenaline by not keeping it inside my head, so i don't see it as a bad thing, just not a holy grail. 



good luck

#613258 Would you have tried Lamictal if it was free?

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 25 January 2020 - 08:40 AM

Tried both.


There is a good few threads on Lamotrigine you'd be best searching for, as many people have tried it. It doesn't seem to fair any better than anything else people have recovered with here. Having read i'd say most of the recovery stories, Time + AD that is working is top..add in a AS and i'd say that's the most common for treating symptoms. 


"subsequent placebo-controlled cross-over study of nine patients found no significant benefits from the drug"...


yep sounds about right, that's from Kings College who people here have been to, search KCL, they don't even take this approach standardly anymore as far as I am aware, I remember because a member went and I thought they'd just be on the combo outlined in that trial (Clomipramine as the preferred AD and Lamotrigine). 


These are free in the UK, I couldn't tolerate Lamotrigine. Know 4 others who have tried it and it wasn't the one for them either. Still open to it being helpful for some, as many recover using meds that can't pass a trial, some even get out using rather unique medications that work for them, eg someone recovered after many medications on a short course one of Adderall, which i've also tried, this for most DP people is the complete opposite to what they'd want, the more stimulation, the more anxiety. 

#612778 Psilocybin mushrooms

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 16 January 2020 - 03:33 PM

I've read a good bit, a lot are backing NHS idea, i've no source right now, but a lot are talking about a sweet spot of 6-8 hours with no visuals have shown changes rather than mini regular... must find a source better than reddit though. 


Yeah, I believe the reset of these sessions from the outside seem to be half the experience, which is why you have 2 psychologists in the room, as it won't always be nice. 


As for brain injury, there is a top reddit post of a woman with a TBI who got words back and better than before, which is odd. 


Wow there is? sorry can't click links atm, i'll wake up and read! 


My kind of thinking is, it lets you have space from the disorder, giving your brain a chance to kick in? just a thought. 


I think your last statement is why they push this to a 6-8 experience rather than Micro, as then I hear a lot of the reset word being used, i don't believe it's a go to for DP, but i am starting to believe in Anhedonia and Depression symptoms disappearing as I read them daily now on Reddit/r/Microdosing. Some have had depression 20 years.. This defiantly is a strong approach in the doses i've been told, but for a reason, to rewire. 


Thanks for the links, nice to have you involved. Either way, i've my mind set, can't live with depression much longer. 

#612634 Psilocybin mushrooms

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 14 January 2020 - 03:50 PM

Have ya got a weblink?


No, now what's happening is I am transferred from Bristol to Dublin, just emailed them back there now. 


I was waiting on 16 page document outlining it, but now i've changed to Dublin they have to go through the questions again, however it is Bristol funding it and it's definitely not a secret. I could get you the contacts. It's in the paper and such forth lately. 


I believe from Google this is it 




EDIT: Million dollar question, if this helps PTSD/cure whatever, can it unlock tools to get over DP? anyone found anything? I've read the odd reddit post, but can't find many mentioning DP and Mushrooms in the same post. 

#612306 Psilocybin mushrooms

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 08 January 2020 - 06:25 PM

I just got word Dublin is now doing trials, there is new trials opening all the time it seems, this also means I can do it professionally as although 120 miles away it's £20 on the train... 


Very interested Broken to see how you feel in around the 8 week mark. 

#611774 Psilocybin mushrooms

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 30 December 2019 - 11:24 PM

Yeh it is sessions much like MDMD sessions with therapy that just really is a magic pill for some people with serious PTSD that nothing else would touch. 


No lasting visual effects, thats the thing the study still says it is 100% safe as no negative effects lasted. BUT we do know HPPD does happen to people and they dont mention it... does that happen when the dose is too high? I think that is such a tiny risk anyway, but for me even that risk is eliminated with microdosing.


Yeh defo low to medium doses but they are still trip amounts. Weird thing with shrooms though is that you dont always get the visuals. I had a lowish dose once and got AMAZING visuals and openness and laughter it was great. Another time I took 3x that amount and got nothing from it. So strange.


Lions mane half a level teaspoon, brand is Host defence which is the most expensive but I have tried many brands and that is the best. I really FEEL it after more than any other. 


Sorry you are wrong about Stamets. I have heard him say it multiple places it is 0.1g 4x a week. The 1-10mg is in fact the psilocybin amount. But 0.1g is still a microdose, anything under half a gram is considered a micro dose.


Yeh I find it strange that they are straight into researching trip doses but hey ho, it also shows the most dramatic immediate effect. And they do rule out bipolar and schizophrenia so I assume the risks are low outside those groups but I still imagine they exist


See I don't know if HPPD is a small risk if you've already experienced it.. 


Hmm weird, didn't know that they were inconstant..hmmm, same batch? 


Lions Mane so roughly how much a month is that? if you don't mind.. 


Haha, this mushroom thing has me out of my depth, that's why it's good to discuss. 


Oh 1-10mg is the psilocybin amount.. MY BAD.


I don't get or I am missing something. Is his version mini trips too? I mean they are trialling 10-25mg.. he is saying 1-10mg..

Would 0.05g 4x a week stop this being a trip amount? what's the kinda threshold I wonder?


or maybe I've got to accept that it's 0.1g 4x a week in the evening, before bed, can you sleep on mushrooms? 

#611736 High Adrenaline, High Cortisol.. but can't seem to fit into any box..

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 30 December 2019 - 01:07 PM

oh you have this in episodes? 


well, first thing you need to do is accept it. Until you accept that anxiety is a condition, okay not a disease (even better!), the sooner you can put in place what you need. 


1. GOOD therapist, who is trained in CBT but doesn't just run through CBT all the time. I went private for mine, NHS are too white lab but you might find a good one, it depends just I guess.. i'd try NHS first, no harm. 


2. GOOD p doc... again I went private but whatever, maybe my local services aren't up to power. Bupa did pull out of NI with one sentence saying "We find the services in NI to be sub standard".. so your local might be a lot better. 


3. Self care... holy grail of dp page I enjoy, well written, i listen to books audio on anxiety well did, read a lot and got informed with what I was dealing with. One of the things once you learn self care is, you learn to use it without knowing or thinking about it, my favourite when I am anxious is distraction, I learnt to do it, but it happens naturally... like if i feel anxiety or something I just switch up instantly what I am doing or divert my mind. 


Until then, find something when you are having what are probably panic attacks that bring you out of them. 


For me it was her https://www.youtube....jOtMA4sZxI&t=9s


I don't like ASMR or anything she says much in the video is just get lost kinda listening, but this can be anything.


You found the answer man, time to go to a GP and get the referrals, 


A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

#611734 Psilocybin mushrooms

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 30 December 2019 - 12:49 PM

It seems the idea behind it is to go for "sessions" to lead to remission rather than actually taking it long term? 


Did people report lasting visual effects? that's my worry. I can handle it for 6 hours even if it was insane lol 


I actually honestly with your comment and re reading this, only got that, they are slightly in an altered state... interesting, I was caught up with what I was told, hmmm, good the trail report comes soon... but the doses are the same mentioned...so it must not be 'micro dosing' rather say 'low dosing it', with 'sessions' that last X period then stop when you no longer need it.


What's your lions mane dose? I found that hell of expensive. 

Yes I totally agree, I thought we were learning about micro dosing, not mild tripping, hmmmm. Also I get why it's so confusing now. Most go off that Paul Stamets, which is what I want to do, (know you know this, just keeping this thread open for others to read)


Psilocybin = 1-10mg

Lion’s Mane = 50 – 200 mg
Niacin = 100 – 200 mg


Which is 10mg but NOT pure psychoactive ingredient, so in reality many many times smaller. So no tripping and many many stories of beating depression long term with it, but as i've said in many different ways, these are using 10-25mg PURE so many times higher than micro dosing... weird, thought we'd be researching the lowest effective dose that you could prescribe as an AD almost... 



#611700 High Adrenaline, High Cortisol.. but can't seem to fit into any box..

Posted by WreckingHotelRooms on 29 December 2019 - 02:19 PM

“Good” Afternoon to you, Hotel, as always I am hoping you are getting somewhere, trust me, I do.


I ended up in A&E once again, Sinus Tachycardia 145 BPM, Blood Pressure 180/100. First spoke to advanced nurse practitioner who listened to my symptoms and then she spoke to A&E Consultant who was very worried of me being at 180/100. Next blood pressure (a few hours later) was 156/96. Tested negative for Troponin and other routine bloods and was discharged but told to come back for a meeting the following morning.

I met a Consultant Endocrinologist! Examined me, said I 100% do not have violent cushings stretch marks, no moon face or buffalo hump. Pheochromocytoma was ruled out back in June with “Plasma Metanephrines/Metadrenalines” All in normal range.

I have had a “Dexamethasone Suppression Test” which was sent yesterday along with “DHEA”, I don’t know what exact “DHEA” but I did actually tell him about you and our matching symptoms and he said he will test “DHEA” as it is the one I could see in your graph you showed me, I think?

He is 100% I do not have cushings and is also doing a 7 day ECG for me!

I am beyond relieved and so greatful to have met him, lovely Doctor (well a top consultant, head of department) who listened to me fully unlike other standard GPs.

I am also very greatful to you but wish you would get sorted right now.

So, so far I am waiting on Dexamethasone Suppression Test and DHEA, he said DST should be back in a week but DHEA could take about 4 weeks. It was the blood DHEA and I of course am obsessing and panicking I need some other test?

He said I have no violent stretch marks at all or moon face etc.

Forgot what else I was going to say already damn it.

Are your stretch marks very violent? Were they always violent? Do you have episodes of very long Tachycardia? Massive surges in Blood Pressure?

Basically I feel as if I am in a 24/7 Panic Attack and my heart rate proves it, I thought panic attacks only last for like 30 minutes, that’s basically how I am, a constant never ending panic attack. No headaches and never any chest pain just a dreadful feeling of weakness and lethargy and like I am 100% going to faint.

If all this turns out to be anxiety then...

All the best to you honestly bro


See our symptoms don't match up. 


My blood pressure and heart rate can be a little low or little high just depends on when they get me, but nothing like 145 bpm, your heart would feel like or does feel like it's beating out of your chest. Guess I wasn't really thinking of just how high that is. 


Yeah I think you can safely say you don't have Cushings or Phochromocytoma which shows up on that test.


Okay I'm getting pushed to my medical limit here. 


Dexaethason Suppresion Test Vs ACTH test. 


"The dexamethasone suppression test (DST) is used to assess adrenal gland function by measuring how cortisol levels change in response to an injection of dexamethasone. It is typically used to diagnose Cushing's syndrome."


"An ACTH test measures the levels of both ACTH and cortisol in the blood and helps your doctor detect diseases that are associated with too much or too little cortisol in the body. Possible causes of these diseases include: a pituitary or adrenal malfunction. a pituitary tumor."


hmmmm they are similar, I know ACTH is a longer thing, but the details, well that's what they are paid big dollar for. Both show if Cortisol is doing its job. 


So if you did a DST, I believe it's HOURS of waiting or overnight? and then blood drawn before and after? it's a suppression test, you should feel a lot less cortisol and some probably calm? never talked to anyone who had it but I imagine as it's dropping your cortisol / blocking it. 


IgA was the other, it's more an indication of antibodies, if you google it, it will mention things that I've been ruled out for. DHEA is good as it can show stress response, but yeah i'd rather not go too deep, I didn't do Endo school, lol I know what tests I needed and that took a lot of research, understanding it like they do, that's another world. 


I don't think we have matching symptoms AT ALL BTW. I am open to you having an Endo issue, but it's not mine. 


7 day ECG? good, they have to work out why your heart goes so high. I have to do one a lot before meds. I've also seen a cardiologist, but Endo is defo right now where you should be, this also should get you under a full time Endo? so is he writing to your GP? consultants in A&E can't just pick up a new case, least i've never heard it work like that. 


Awwh me too, been in bed for days. 


I mean you just got more tests in a day than I did for years. 


Yah time to give Cushings up, I'd follow this guy. 


Yeah they are, yep appeared very quickly and large, faded down now. (stretch marks)  


No Tachycardia, no blood pressure issues. 


I do agree, this is why I knew my Cortisol was wrong, it's like 24 hours a day, none stop adrenaline feeling, this is where we are similar, but Cortisol is a basic Endo function, just because we share that, doesn't mean a similar conclusion will be reached, or I could have done one sample which shows high Cortisol (done many) and then got a diagnoses. I mean eg, high cortisol could come from an adrenaline gland issue for instance or for Cushings disease the brain (which you don't have), same symptom, very different... 


Sounds like you are on the right track, plus no need to pay for that test