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Broken

Member Since 01 Jan 2017
Online Last Active Today, 11:43 AM
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#619978 Psilocybin mushrooms

Posted by Broken on 28 July 2020 - 04:38 AM

Thought I would add that I am joining a clinical trial for mushrooms. With Corona this may be a while off but I will update if I get on it (hoping before the end of the year)


#619946 Cured after 3+ years of trauma and weed inducted dpdr

Posted by Broken on 27 July 2020 - 06:03 AM

I feel pretty good after that! Thanks for sharing, I will do this more often




#619928 Psilocybin mushrooms

Posted by Broken on 26 July 2020 - 02:11 PM

Such good news dude glad you have found something that gives relief. I remember my first trip and it really had an impact, I was convinved it was the answer. Will probably get back to it. I pushed myself to try for a 'level 4' to completely "fix myself" lol. 

 

I would say stick to what you are doing, just mild trips. Although the stage 4 ones can be life changing they can also go wrong, so I would say keep it chilled if it works. And try to leave a 2 week gap if possible at least so you dont build up tolerance.

 

The other thing is each trip is different. Mine were, so dont expect the same thing each time.




#619338 Enlightenment's Evil Twin

Posted by Broken on 08 July 2020 - 05:00 PM

 




#619256 Breath Awareness Technique

Posted by Broken on 05 July 2020 - 06:43 AM

In a weird coincidence, i just started doing this technique again yesterday before you posted. I am going to try my upmost to stick to doing it every day

I am just focusing on the breath. Nowhere in particular just breathing where it is obvious. Then all I have to be conscious of is "am I focusing on my breathing or something else". Its quite shocking when you realise how addicted to thinking you are. Then just bring the focus back to the breath hundreds of times. Will try to stick to this for a month and let you know


#619016 Buddha and Acceptance

Posted by Broken on 26 June 2020 - 06:46 PM

I've always found Buddhism interesting. My favourite quote is "the foot feels the foot when it feels the ground"... although unfortunately this is one of those fake buddha quotes lolll.

 

But basically its a good summary that we never experience anything outside the boundary of our body. Thoughts, memories, senses are all within these walls. So setting up any conflict with anything AT ALL in life, is cutting off your nose to spite your face... in a quite literal sense. I think DP for some is that internal conflict with the symptoms... for myself there is more to it

 

I sometimes romanticise that if I had enough time I could meditate for thousands of hours and cure my DPD... who knows 




#615172 Hypersensitivity of Dopamine,Serotonin and Norepinepherine Receptors

Posted by Broken on 22 February 2020 - 04:47 PM

Yeah that is typical start of Depersonalization Disorder, so you are in the right place. A panic attack/anxiety when psychedelics are involved is very common for this to start. It is thought to be caused by the frontal part of the brain (personality, will power, control of attention etc) suppresses emotions from the insula and amygdala. How that is overcome or reversed we dont really know yet

 

Some people react to an SSRI with lamotrigine which is an anticonvulsant, so maybe hypersensitive receptors lol. Or not. But it is thought that glutamate may be involved and the brain is overactive. God knows what will help though, I have tried it all and nothing really helps me. But I would try and start with those drugs if you havent tried them yet




#615100 Mark Huddon on psychadelics and the youth

Posted by Broken on 21 February 2020 - 05:33 AM

I still would like to try a trip session one day, its about £2,000 in London at the moment for a few therapy sessions and two doses. I have tried doing it myself but cant seem to breakthrough although have still had some good experiences. 




#615024 The No-Cure Model

Posted by Broken on 19 February 2020 - 02:40 PM

"a scientific way of knowing is not much different than a religious or spiritual way of knowing".

Couldn't disagree with you more.  Believing is absolutely different from knowing. Just as a fact is different from a "maybe, maybe not"

 

You can untangle this further though, as science is still seen as God in our lives. I don't refute the importance of science whatsoever, but because we can accurately observe the effects of something we still have to BELIEVE the hypothesis as the truth, when often the cause cannot be seen.

 

For example, we can accurately predict how fast a ball will drop to the ground but the theory right now is gravitational waves. So there is an element of belief in that knowing. The outcome is known, but the theory is a belief. We cannot see or know, it could be magic elves from another dimension moving things.

 

I can know that I have DPD. But the beliefs I have about it cause a negative feedback loop, which is one theory as to why the symptoms perpetuate. And that is what CuriousMind is saying. We can argue whether that is a plausible approach to cure this, or whether we have DPD or some other cause of these symptoms. But that does feed back into that cycle that I have found myself in countless times of not knowing the cause and believing that nothing will help.

 

Its possible the way I interact with my thoughts perpetuates this illness. That I need to find an answer to this problem. Also looking at my direct experience as an enemy. The derealization is 24/7 and I cant turn away from it or find relief. Maybe if I shut my eyes. But because nothing is KNOWN, or concrete about this, that cycle persists. And its exhausting. And perhaps that is the point for some of us. 

 

I dont know or anticipate that meditation will cure this for me but it is worth a go at least. Watching those thought patterns come and not engaging. Watching my intention to either follow the thought or attempt to push it out of awareness. And instead see it for what it is, just a thought. And let it burn itself out. Call it 'letting go' or whatever, but watching my attention wanting something out of this moment and taking my hands off the wheel. I've said before just giving a mental shrug to whatever shows up




#614920 The No-Cure Model

Posted by Broken on 17 February 2020 - 05:17 AM

Have to be honest, this does prove his point perfectly




#614880 The No-Cure Model

Posted by Broken on 16 February 2020 - 03:44 PM

Yeah those last thoughts you wrote I have all had. It is the doubt itself that torments you. The not knowing with this illness.

But I would also say alongside that it is the attitude and relationship with those thoughts. It swings between belief and denial. Fear and desire. Never indifference.

It seems to be that obsession with looking for and finding an answer but it never comes. And that is all thought based, following thought trails until it burns out and then you pick up and follow the next trail. On and on it goes. It's the letting go, the dropping of that desire. How that is done exactly is the million dollar question


#614874 The No-Cure Model

Posted by Broken on 16 February 2020 - 09:53 AM

Very well put, I have had this idea many times throughout DPD only to go back to finding the magic supplement. Recently I have been tried meditation again, as a method to tune down the task positive network. I think in that there is a sense that something needs to be done, understood, fixed and changed. I have hypothesised that this network may be overactive, particularly in my form of DPD. I am constantly fixated on understanding and finding the cure, and constantly interacting with objects in my reality with that negative premise.

 

By "objects" I use it in the way it is meant in meditation. Thoughts are an object. As are emotions, body sensations, sounds, tastes, sights. These things are objects in awareness. My new meditation is best known as 'neti neti', translated as "not this, not that". There is no negativity or judgement or rejection of these objects, you just watch them come into awareness and pay them no attention or intention. It is almost a mental shrug, as if to say "whatever" to these things, rather than my usual interaction which is to fixate and judge and say something is wrong here, as it the literal case with all sensations in DP and DR. 

 

So I would presume that this would switch from a more task positive mode of awareness to task negative or the default mode network. This is a complete guess on my part, but it seems to relax me. It gives you a space in the day where you don't worry, try to fix or understand and switch off. 




#613598 How does magnesium do this !!!

Posted by Broken on 29 January 2020 - 05:49 PM

Hi, Magnesium relaxes muscles as well as being an NMDA receptor antagonist. That is the glutamate receptor which is thought to be overactive in DPD. It also seems to activate GABA. I have started taking Magnesium Taurate again recently myself as it is one of the few things that seemed to have an impact on my DP. It is a good supplement to relax regardless and we are all low on magnesium

 

Anyway, if it works keep at it! Just be careful not to take too much as it will give you the runs! What type of magnesium are you taking? I assume magnesium oxide as you didnt mention which, and if so that is the least bioavailable form so it may well be  worth looking into other forms of magnesium




#613284 Psilocybin mushrooms

Posted by Broken on 25 January 2020 - 07:06 PM

A small update but nothing major, just to keep people informed that are interested. About at the 6 week mark now and will be honest at this stage am disappointed. Thought I would have felt more change by now but nothing has really happened. I have however been trying to do breath meditation daily in the hope that this will activate the insula more and perhaps increase neurogenesis and connectivity of this region. Its a flimsy hypothesis but worth a shot

 

I will also say that I take Lions mane daily still and now take 0.1g dried magic mushrooms on Mon, Wed and Fri with the weekend off. I have lots of shrooms left so this will be a long old trial, perhaps 3-6 months, so if this can do anything it certainly should have done by then. I am still hopeful, but as I say, not a hell of a lot to report unfortunately. I did try to trip on approx 1g the other week but didnt get much affect most probably due to tolerance being built up...

 

I will come back to this thread in another month or when/if there is something to report. I have ordered chamomile and hemp leaf tea to have daily which could aid the neurogenesis so... early days but will be back after that and more meditation and hopefully some more jogging over the next week as well




#613282 Would you have tried Lamictal if it was free?

Posted by Broken on 25 January 2020 - 06:57 PM

I tried this, was recommended it by Sierra himself who write a letter to my GP. Considering he is a consultant Psychiatrist he saw me at short notice, for free, for 2 hours and wrote a letter to my GP recommending Lamotrigine, Escitalipram and modafinil. My original GP refused modafinil but my new one did prescribe it, which I really hoped would help. But unfortunately it did nothing for me but give my the shits and insomnia. I have enough issues falling asleep without that causing issues

 

I digress, lamotrigine did absolutely nothing for me, took it for a couple of months  I think. It is relatively safe but can cause a life threatening rash which is rare but to be kept an eye on. This one supposedly calms glutamate and increases GABA, but for me I felt nothing whatsoever, nothing changed. Felt like a sugar pill unfortunately and did nothing for me