I've been super paranoid about existence and reality. I know I'm real, but I feel like the world around me isnt. I seriously dont know what to do. Whenever I go outside, I feel completely terrified. I keep believing im in a dream that I just can't wake up from. I feel extremely depressed and down. I feel like anything I do now and in the future would be all for nothing as I feel like I could wake up any minute and find everything I did was a waste. I feel like im going insane.
I was smoking weed for about a month on a daily/regular basis, while I was living at my friend's house. I had moved in with them due to interpersonal disputes with my family. At first, I rejected offers of weed, but when I was told of the so-called benefits of it for anxiety (I have been diagnosed with OCD), I began experimenting with it. One day, while I was chilling and doing weed with friends, I sat down and then felt a sudden rush, like something was possessing me. That was the moment I regreted my decision to take up weed. The feeling then spiralled down into an absolute panic attack over existence.
Its been three weeks since then and I have quit using weed (forever) since that day. I feel like I should go to a hospital, but im not sure what to do really. I feel really weird, like as if I should be waking up any minute now, but for some reason I can't. Deep down, I know this is reality, but I'm stuck in asking myself of what if this is a dream that happens to be extremely real and that I would one day wake up without warning. My mind keeps doing mental gymnastics and refuses to budge even when others tell me this is reality. I also noticed that I'm not anxious about anything else except for these existential questions that plaque my mind, which really freaks me out as for example I would be way to anxious normally to ask for help for something this personal on a public forum. It's so weird, which reinforces my terrifying delusion that im in a dream. I also feel so demotivated as well, like I find it difficult and extremely unbareable to do basic functions such as eating. My sleep has also been almost non-existent for the past week now and I fear I might have pernamently destroyed the part of my brain that controls sleep. The fact I also moved back to my family's house last week (this was planned before the bad weed experience) has also made it worse for me, along with having to leave my exam due to a severe panic attack. The derealization gets even more severe when people I know do things that seem out of their character and when I go to new locations/places.
After visiting my GP, I was told that I was suffering from derealization. While searching the internet of what I was suffering from, I happened to also find this community. I do apologize if what i've written feels too angsty. I really don't know what to do or how to react as I've never felt like this before. Today I have to go back to my friend's place to grab the rest of my stuff. I feel like its gonna make me feel worse, along with the fact that im moving into a university accomadation in two weeks time.
I guess what im asking for is, what should I do to cope and how should I do it? Is there anyone here willing to help guide me through this living nightmare.